bye bye bloggie...
reflections of an only child...struggling to shatter stereotypes, battling against the demons of loneliness in hi heeled sandals and a tiara...welcome to the alcoves of my mind.
- ► 2008 (42)
- popping corn
- shoes, burgers and the bridal suite
- the wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead
- Today's Greek chocolate lovenote says'love me when...
- the paradox of our times
- stardust..featuring our very own cast who think th...
- a sprinkling of stardust
- lets see how far we've come...
- for your entertainment only
- material, magic and my italian
- amaaaandla free thinkers and prawns
- ► September (9)
- the princess..
- non-communicative heart failure
- The twilight zone
- Spring Giddiness
- Banging frogs: a lab experiment
- unlocking the secret
- i saw the palm pilot and crashed
- i promise.thats the last time im posting that poem...
- yesterday's murder... ...
- drawing the line...
- appy appy 60th ;)
- karma's kick
- why this day already rocks!!
- MissQ's tumourous day
- 'Distance lends enchanment to the view'u think?
- Q is hurt...by senseless person who doesnt give a ...
- one for the record books
- ► October (11)
Im wearing a broken shoe.
There. Its out there. And I might add that the said shoe is the flat biscuit shoe. So named by Dew, as it looks like memon biscuits with dusty gold beads on it. And I just cant afford to not match my shoes with my choc milkshake and copper attire today, so Q, the lady, wore the broken shoe. And the broken-ness is concealed, but lets just say that if it rains, im screwed ;) coz right now the breeze from the aircon is turning my baby toe blue. But fashion before comfort I always say :D so yeah, if you cant handle being friends with broken shoe girlie, then…gimme back my hugs and smiles in a cardboard box ;)
Shame, im feeling a little bad. Just bumped into a friend who I deleted from Mxit. Its not that I stopped being interested in chatting to him, but he got a bit much, like he was tooooo excited ALL the time. I recall a conversation:
Him: so what you doing this holiday? Going north coast? South coast? Where you going?
Q: no, not going anywhere.
Him: ya? Why? You working? Im at the beach! Im lying on the sand!
Q: no, we’re redoing the kitchen
Him: ay that’s so lukker!! We bought a new stove!! :D :D :D
Q: that’s nice. See, he’s extremely sweet, but too overwhelming. Anyway, now he asks why im not on mxit and this lie just popped out ‘I deleted my mxit im so busy.’ Eish, the words just came out before I could haul them back. And he was all ‘oh shame and you mustn’t stress you know you’ll do well.’ So im feeling crappy. I’ll be over it in 5 minutes, after I eat the chicken roti chips thing for lunch..oooh…
It has just come to light that MissQ is writing both her majors on the same day. Brilliantly timed end of year finale. And while im as stroppy about it as Rachel Ray without lasagne, im happily aware that in two days of exams, I’ll be done. Bang bang. Hmm..reminds me of yesterday when I almost got killed, but that’s another funny story im keeping for my grandkids. Anyhoo, went shopping for bling outfit for wedding and wow, did I find something bling. Managed to rustle up an audience as well! Now that was hilarious and totally cool. Its nice once in a while to let people fuss over you and try on things in a bridal suite with crystals and lights and wowness. And then I had the yummiest burger ever!! Q isn’t into red meat, but I craved a normal burger with the works. And I got it :D and I found mum cute shoes! And I bought more shoes for me!! SHOES SHOES!! In the absence of mxit, I managed to find the time to revel in the quiet joys of the weekend, and get a lot done. and yes, im giving you an account of my rocking weekend and you had better enjoy it, coz I managed to wing it like some multi-tasking princess, so give Q a big whoop for doing exactly what she and mom planned ;) and flights are booked and things are falling into place for later next month when I get to chill with family and friends I haven’t seen in ages. Anyway, I have a lecture to go to..my lecturer is incredibly cute ;) in a postmodern, x-factor YDE kind of way…but alas, these last few lectures must be difficult for him too…you know, saying goodbye lol. Have a stunningly free and unobtrusive day.
You know what I hate? Guys who think they rock, when they really don’t. And also, these ones that think they know the inner workings of your brain just coz they’ve read like 2 and a half books their entire lives. And before you think, damn, she’s writing about me, please- that’s your ego talking and if you think I bet this song is about you is about you, then please do humanity a favour and slit your ankles. Another thing I cant stand which has imposed itself so blatantly this morning are idiots who think its cool to be emotionless and judgmental. Insensitivity is the dead cat attached to your shoe- don’t drag it around, you only end up alienating yourself. And yes, I could have used a more decent analogy like rotten banana peels or toilet paper attached to your shoe, but since you know why my repressed memories have chosen to use ‘dead cat’ and what it represents in that little brain which only has space for you, go ahead and tell yourself whatever you want to hear. Coz it seems that no matter how nice I am to people, I still end up being made to feel like a ditzy blondie coz you need to feel all macho. If that helps you get through your day, yay for you- but don’t bring your insanity into my world. Of course its all wow to have an intelligent conversation with someone, but that doesn’t mean you have to label things and people and be just plain arsey. Im so sick of having to work so hard to be composed lil Q – coz at the end of the day, you think this is your stage and im supposed to applaud every witty comment (that’s what you think they are). For God’s sake, be real. Im not going to be all happy clappy and sparkly every day- and you aren’t either. And there’s nothing wrong with saying ‘I feel like shit and I need to talk.’ I cant handle the generic hello’s and how are you’s from pea-brained superheroes who only want to go on and on about their own lives and what a bad deal they got in life blah blah. Selfish baskets!
Just say something nice once in a while and it might make somebody feel pretty and make you seem like less of a dickhead. And something else. I don’t like hearing things from other people about the mean thing somebody said about me. If you need to say it, just call me and say it. At least that way, im not going to think you’re spineless hypocrite. But I guess we all say things we don’t want to get out and eventually they do. Nevermind. Use this for future reference, use it as toilet paper, I don’t care. If you can’t get your act together, don’t expect me to make way for you till you decide. Right…umm. What else…can’t think of anything else, except that don’t go back on your promises. And if you draw the line, draw it with a black permanent marker. We aren’t in high school and im not the girl who’s going to wait around till 11th period when you finally graduate from the school called life.
The murder of Lucky Dube has captured the attention of most South Africans, albeit overshadowed by the Rugby this week, but the botched hijacking has undoubtedly created waves. In a crime-ridden country, somehow people react with shock, as if these homegrown heroes are immune to the disease that hangs over our heads everyday. Some have gone to the extent of collecting money, up to R50 per person to send to Dube’s family as to ‘assist them’ at this time of mourning. His murder has come at a time of extreme tension surrounding the government puts our president in a questionable light as to his hiring and firing tactics and the double standards that he proudly defends, making it ever so clear that nobody is safe. It has highlighted the height of crime – and that may be the one positive thing that has emerged from the incident. However, I find it strikingly unfair that ordinary citizens are overlooked in this regard and become statistics or temporary 10 line articles which demand little attention from police, while Dube’s case saw 15 officers working overtime to bring in suspects. What escalates the paradox here is the collection of money for his family. Of course this must be a period of devastation and grief, but surely they do not need monetary assistance compared to the scores of poor disadvantaged people or people who are gunned down everyday. What happens to their hospital or burial expenses? Don’t they require just as much state attention and funding for something that was no fault of theirs, but which they have to live with the rest of their lives? No doubt a Lucky Dube album’s release now would rake in the cash, so why not send a sympathy card instead of throwing cash where there’s cash already? The St Tropez murder yielded a similar reaction regarding media attention and the march against crime for S.A in England. As if the stats are not enough- and they seemingly aren’t, isn’t it sad that only when somebody well-known and well off is killed, does it reach the press and spark off an outcry? Don’t get me wrong, im not saying we shouldn’t react at all or be unsympathetic, but if violent crime is increasing, we should expect these things. At a time when SA is trying to generate investor confidence and international integration, Devils’ Advocate might pose the notion that if such murders of high profile people take place and they are highlighted to attract global attention, it could negatively impact on the economy via degrading perceptions of key players that could spur on SA’s progress in the international arena. That way, government would be compelled to actively enforce measures to lower the crime rate. Their objectives of halving unemployment and poverty may only minimally reduce crime in time for 2010, however, white collar crime may increase with businesses expanding and more people entering the formal economy. It seems our priorities are quite diverted when it comes to what gets attention in this country. And while we celebrate being champions of the world, I wonder how many soon-to-be statistics are fighting the battle to stay alive right now.
Mj: woyoh ay! One shooting star! You saw you saw!
Dew: whatkine? Im busy drinking my waateh, don’t act shell.
Mj: right sight you, im gwaing to catch it (this was what he was doing during itikaaf)
Guadian: where you think you vaiying eh? Don’t act like your faatheh, you khan go.
MJ: ay don’t dulla with me, hold me back! Hold me back!
(mj blinds the guard with his shiny gold tooth and gets through)
suddenly, he bashes into Jo.
Jo: ay wakkine? You khan see im walking yeh and my leg wonly paining and staying?
Mj: (ay lukker stekkie this one is) ay you urt yourself when you fell from eaven?
Jo: jus my luck, crash into wun dumb boy…where’s your car man? Ope you got spinners hudderwise im not vaiying with you.
Waseem comes rushing towards them perched on a unicorn: yewa I am! The saviour! Comeway this side Jo, I’ll take you buy the market, buy you wun cow.
Jo: eish, seriaas? No man, you wonly want me for my bling.goway.
Jo walks off on her own until she hears something in the trees behind her…
And Organ Harvester pops out!
Jo: oo you?
OH: Thumba’s nephew from topside. Donate one organ yeh. Gimme your art! Poke.
Jo: ayor!! Nooooo!! Save meeee….
Suddenly, MJ comes running towards her and hits OH on the head with a candle.
Jo: where you was hall this time?
Mj: sorry ma, I went by Nando’s. you know they gort halaal one this side of the waaal ay? Sor nice.
Jo: an you nevair bring for me and come too.
Mj: ay jus keep waaalking…
(to be continued…OR! Complete the story ;) )
Ah yes. hands off the burfi. Its mine.
Fingers hesitant. To send or not to send? To post or not to post? The repercussions…the concertina rippling away in your head like the constant buzz of F1 cars racing to win the majority of your brain cells. Attention seeking buggers. But its Matchbox 20 that wins…
I believe it all is coming to an end
Oh well I guess we’re gonna pretend
Lets see how far we’ve come…lets see how far we’ve come
So was all the trouble worth it when you’re right back where you started? This time capsule you chronicle that you hope somebody will dig up one day and finally understand you…dont you think this cycle is enough? Isn’t it time you cut the strings pulling you back into the darkness? It all comes back to drawing the line. And a flash of someone’s smile might set off a thousand volts and at the same time fry your insides so that you no longer resemble yourself, but the cinders of the person that made you unique. Nobody’s worth that. Don’t you think sometimes you’re trying too hard to find something that’s not worth its weight in gold? don’t you think you deserve a whole lot more? Its like struggling to get on mxit and forgetting to watch Tyra on the day she actually fell off the couch. Falling. I fell down the stairs in primary school and got cut up like a drumstick waiting to be cooked. Hoping to soak in some sympathy from the boy I liked since the time I can remember liking somebody. He carried my bag and now he’s marrying some other girl. And no I cant even remember why I liked him, except that he was intelligent. Its intelligence that gets me..but somebody very insightful told me once that being broadminded is nothing. And im beginning to believe it. Nobody likes broad beans. They don’t know who they are and I bet they’re jealous of sugar beans. They know who they are.its the best they can do.koo. its dangerous to be all over the place. You never know which part of you’s gonna fall off if an 18 wheeler suddenly came charging towards you. Where did all the sane people go?
Everything fluctuates. If it didn’t, things would be boring, but I’d like a confirmation of sorts so as to assure me that im not chicken little and the sky isn’t falling and that these words im typing aren’t gong to pick up their luggage and walk off showing me the middle finger into the sunset. Orange. I saw enough orange on eid day and if that wasn’t jarring enough, my 5 little cousins came over and mentioned that the 3year old cuts holes in their couch with the kitchen knife and hides various pieces of cutlery and jewelry in the hole. That, along with the 2year old asking me if I wanted a slap for not showing her my phone was made me wonder if the memon mafia really does exist and if it does, can I disperse them throughout the country to hunt down people who need such ‘intervention’ to make em Q-friendly again. The midnight blue organza dress I got is totally Q friendly. It just depends on whether this wedding actually happens if history is anything to go by. History is the best predictor of future performance as Dr Phil’s perfectly polished brain and southern accent says. Which makes me a little worried, coz I seem to trip over the same step all the time. Literally. And maybe I haven’t come far in that respect, but I wont pretend to be something im not…and while I may be taking my time with deciding on the greater things which spell out my future, don’t expect me to play nice if other people accept your bipolar attitude and I don’t. I will push you away and not regret it. Coz I cant take the responsibility of your guilt after you’ve made it quite clear what you think of me ever since I can remember. There. Im packing up and driving away and you’ll probably only wake up when the world’s ending.
Dear mom. I love you..
you are the best mommy and the most beautiful mommy (heart with smiley face here)
i love your fluffy hair (i know, thats not a compliment)
please will you buy me BYNOKULARS. (see, stalking days started ages ago)
Love, your dorter.
And then there was:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is white
And so are you!
That’s why I love you ;)
Hehe, think that could get me into trouble in the new SA ;)
Oh and then I found this heart-wrenching and melodramatic poem I wrote a few years ago. Every poem of mine had to have butterflies and stars in it to make it a poem lol. I cant even remember who it was for or why..well, ok maybe a little, but its funny:
Haunted souls would seem less affected
Sun-drenched dreams take protection
Beneath ravaged branches of perfection
And shiver in an icy embrace.
A butterfly falters in the wind
The stars align and rip her wings.
Footprints on the dunes of a deserted mind,
The rulers never intended the heart’s smile.
Radiating beams of sweet shimmering sorrow
Pierce the petals of tomorrow
And selected affection takes its place
Anyhoo, im off tomorrow!! Yay!! Be good, and if eid is on Friday and I don’t get the chance to wish you lovely people…EID MUBAAARAAAAK!! Oh and please post all your Eidi for Q in the chatbox. And Waseem, R5 coins don’t count.
Hugs and mountains of bubble wrap,
nobody should be up this early on a cold rainy Monday morning. But a certain girlie managed to photocopy the wrong tut reading and relied on somebody else and now I need to go and do that all over again. Enough about that.
I cannot explain the beauty that came my way this weekend. Mum (miss Style Muffin) bought me this top. OMG. I cant stop looking at it and wondering where its been all my life. Its all funky and flowy and gorgeous. Maybe I shouldve bought two. Its just the most stunning thing!! Ooh, and then I got to choose fabric – silk, lace and organza for this evening gown for a ladeedaa wedding.lol. see, the problem is – I feel bad wearing things that cost a lot. Im trying to rationalize this somehow coz its just gonna be amazing and fairytale- like…
Anyway, before I start sounding materialistic, I must say that with two close family weddings coming up, im feeling tingly..in that ‘something good’s gonna happen’ way..coz it seems like family starting to finally pull together…feels great. And I get to invite five people to this wedding in durbs coz its huge lol. See? Tingly excitedness! And then there’s laudium…I could live there. And the wedding’s a good excuse to be glittery and graceful coz we’ll be welcoming the people.woohoo!! hmm…kinda makes me feel like getting married too. Feel like. Feel like. Not want to. I have marriage issues – like, if I get married now and choose the colour theme, in two years, I don’t wanna look back and think ‘damn, those were horrible tones, cant I do it all over again?’ hehe, bet im sounding like a real ditz now. Oh- and there’s that tiny problem of deciding on the right groom ;)
My cards are ready!! Cant believe my first beeg company order…and I friend gave me a brilliant idea last week which could be very fruitful. And while this weekend rocked, I still managed to miss saying goodbye to juju, who went to London by like 3 hours. Not good. I was supposed to run behind the plane in my red sari and say ‘jaao juju, jaao’ and cry my eyes out lol, but I kinda overslept ;) nevermind. There’s always December.
Man. Im freezing and im wearing 3 layers. And I cant stop and now ive adopted a nasty habit of sleeping through sehri. So Q’s shrinking again. Not that I mind. But the headaches aren’t very pleasant. ;) so I was reading an Islamic book…and it said coz your soul is operating at different levels of consciousness and time, your dreams often float between them and that’s how dreams can seem to real, or actually happens later in life. If that’s true, it means a hot Italian guy’s gonna follow me in Spar every Sunday and play monopoly with me.yay!
Im off to unfreeze and save my eyes from the blinding view of a fat chick in low rise jeans sitting in front of me.
Loves an ‘ugs from Lugz
After eid, its my first bunny chow.
My baby’s coming home tonight!! YAY ;) after the goodbyes and two nights of separation and my sadness…my computer’s being discharged from ICU!! Idiot virus. Even infected my digital camera. As a friend said to me ‘be careful where you put stick your stick.’ Lol! Ok I cant think. Im sitting in the lan while the SRC elections are going on and this guy on the mike is going crazy saying Amaaaandla as the most inopportune times and he’s just basically driving people crazy coz he only has 2 little girls behind him going ‘amaandla’ in little voices. Poor things think they’re getting paid for this. I keep thinking about ocean basket..and the day dew, jo and I had lunch there. I miss prawns. Amandla prawns!! This chick came up to me from the SRC and said ‘hi, we have Indian people as candidates, so I hope you vote.’ I wanted to turn around and slap her and say ‘oh thanx my little coconut, but what kind of campaigning is that? And im not Indian, im a white that’s just gotten a hectic tan, so tell me, which white can I vote for, since there are only blacks and Indians there, but you’ve just implied I wont vote for a black person?’
That’s what gets me! Assumptions. And that too, on race. And within race stereotypes. Somebody said to me last week ‘oh, you’re friendly for a memon.’ Now I took that as a compliment instead of going at him on a tangent coz he’s basically a good guy. Let me spell this out. Memons are not little demons just waiting around to make a quick buck out of you. And I resent the inclusion, coz if you look closely, we’re quite generous – and while some do only focus on money, I think ive carved an identity for myself that would project something positive. Yet, I get the memon crap. Well you know what, im proud of it – I wouldn’t want to be any other way..so is there a memon I can vote for? Essentially, we all don’t speak the languages from the Indian villages we stem from. Hell, I don’t even know which one I came from, I just heard that there were free air particles, hence our long noses ;) yeah yeah. Lame.whatever. im just saying. Don’t judge.
Amandla free thinkers! Now that I’d vote for. And another thing. Don’t assume im like somebody else coz im their friend. As a ‘prospective’ said to me..’I have three brothers..but you know whats good..we all have different personalities.’ ;) startling. But true. Don’t box me in. I will put myself into an egg box when I feel the need.
Just let things be. Coz if I wanted to, I could unleash a can of whip-ass and that wouldn’t be pretty. (Coz I’d probably be the one crying ;) ) lol. Anyway, I got some orders to complete :D so I’ll be off to buy things. OMG I got the biggest bargain yesterday on white stones for my vases. Amaaandla bargain basket! By the way, my birthday list will be out soon- and if you buy me something from bargain basket or everlasting – I’ll know ;) but seriously though, a day with friends playing charades would be awesome!! Dew acted out ‘serendipity’ the last time lol – now that was hardcore! Amaaandla charades!
My fingers are freezing…maybe its coz of the cold radiating from my heart ;) or so some people think. To juju, whose going to London – I know you’ll rock it. And please try not to look suspicious ;) Nikhat: it’s a Ramadaan miracle that Sheldon our baby turtle has come back to life! ;) and if the internet is mean to you, its just coz its jealous of your hotness ;) Amaaandla science people!
I want a spoonful of icecream to stir circles in. Facebook status: Q is having a bowl of faith for sehri. Yeah right. Tasted good for a while till the radio told me I was having an illicit affair with my cellphone. That’s what they call it – a phantom limb. Even if your phone isn’t with you, you feel vibrations coz its like a part of your body. Your brain has to trick itself in to feeling that its still with you. Making excuses for yourself. Yes, I know it wont work, but maybe if I draw it out long enough, it would make things better. And it does. Your phantom limb, living it out in your head and when reality hits, its ‘hey baby, im getting married’ even though you knew he wasn’t yours in the first place. funny. The vibrations in your heart tell you different things. Tell you what you want to hear. And then its on to Kim Possible and turning to your sidekick Ron, who thinks you can take over the world, while keeping your hair perfectly ghd’d. We all need a Ron. And we all need a Doug too. Because essentially, we are all Patti Mayonnaises even if you don’t wanna admit it – nobody wants to be Pepper Anne. Her mother had an illicit affair with steelwool. The kind you wash the pots with. Hence, her hair. Its like that Chinese virus that invaded my computer- you just want to straighten it out violently like an annoying mxit presence. Keep it to yourself, nobody asked how you were. And now that I know, I wont ask. But thanks for the overshare. Feels like Pakistan. All the batsmen are out, but you still think by hitting that last ball at an arb angle, you’re gonna sensationally win the game. Forget it. sharukh showed up. Its all downhill from there. The big gesture. It hardly counts when you’re on the losing team. Or so we found out when mr.smiley turned out to be batting for the other team. Shocking. A little hilarious, but shocking. Coz for as long as we thought we knew him, he rocked like a U2 concert. Scratch that one off the list while Tinkie Winkie happily adds him on his. Say it isn’t so. That im an excited lil Gummy Bear about doing this tut. My shipment has come in. The motivation I ordered in January. And its full of kick for inquisitive people who think they have the right to question me, but get defensive when I need an answer. The countdown to a confrontation…to running away..to mj’s birthday..to eid to Johannesburg sane family. If you’re clockwatching, its 10:45pm says the radio…another few seconds lost in the ultimate countdown to the end. So what does it matter? Make the best out of it and let it rain, there’s always somebody who’ll let you stand under their umbrella ella ella eh ;)
When I said spoonful I meant a ladle.
Ooh baby do you know what that’s worth! Ooh heaven is a place on earth!! :D yeah yeah, I don’t care if you cringe ok, its my party and I’ll embarrass myself if I want to. Q needs to get through this morning. I cant function as sehri time, and now its worse. At sehri, I generally get my direction from hitting into things and just keep going til I bash into something else. But now, there are actual people I might topple over on the way to lectures. And im writing this with my eyes half closed so forgive spelling errors. There are two things I need to get off my chest (no O.H- get your mind out of the gutter). Firstly, guys who don’t know their worth. See, approximately 7% of guys are sane. 3% are married, 3% aren’t muslim and then we’re left with the 1% who are good prospects, but think they aren’t good enough. It really annoys me that for most of the decent guys I’ve met, some silly girl has broken their heart/s, and now they’re all depressed and whiny. Im not saying its not hectically crappy that some girls can just mess with a guy and leave him to pick up the pieces of his shattered and barren world etc, but it doesn’t mean that every chic is a liar and will mash up your heart into tiny pieces and scatter grains of your grated soul on it, before putting this platter on the roof and waiting for lightening to strike. I mean, there are good girls out there! Hello? It irks me. One of my friends says he’s depressed and he doesn’t deserve happiness and that’s not gonna change. Coz apparently, he’ll never find a girl..and now he wont believe me either. So I give up on you people. Its your fault you run after those mad girlies who seem all unattainable and full of challenges, and then you look back and realize all the bruises across your chest after they’ve dragged you across the rocks and then your hearts all unprotected and damaged. Kapiche? Listen to Q! wake up! Be a man! Married life with these girlies would be even worse.
Ok.point made. 2nd thing. Don’t freak Q out. its unhealthy coz im very reactionary and freak outable. Do not send me crazy pictures of arb Indian people.ahem. coz I just go silent and I get verrry worried looking at the screen about how to say something appropriate. And I bet you get a kick out of it, but it shocks my nervous system and I get twitchy. And im fasting, so I cant just go calm down with chocolate. But I have pretty candles that mommy bought me to look at ;)
Ooh sparkly ;) ok, im off to another riveting and mind-blowing group meeting. Hopefully, one of the last ones. One more thing, if you feel that you tend to attract weird or psycho ppl, see it as a gift. A gift not many people have. So share it.
Q is uneasy.
Q has sent you a lily, a bumble bee and a rose for your garden.
Q has invited you to join the group 'what addicted people do when facebook is taken away.'
inspired by nikhat, who is right now in the lab, making clones of lana, who will go around straightening each others' hair with ghd irons and then disperse and burn other people with them.
nikhat is brilliant i tell you. brilliant.
oh and to mj: have a great trip. im gonna miss you like memon ppl miss gold when they arent wearing it.
and also, to he who cannot be named...Q's days will be brighter.
im a dopericot.
a mix between a donut and an apricot.
what are you?
I don’t know how to start this post. Let me first say that I was on bus today..and noticed this Audi in front of us, with the number plate...THE NUMBER PLATE. No, not a personalized one. But one that was personal to me. And the last time I saw it was the last day I saw him. Knees went weak for a while..tried to do my stalking thing and get a glimpse, but it veered off in another direction and I slapped myself back to reality. I mean, do I really wanna see a bastard on a Monday morning? No. do I want to run back and get hurt all over again? No. see, im self-destructive like that. I remember number plates like some kalima. I don’t think before I act sometimes(that can be good at times. But mostly, its bad). And then lil MissQ goes home on the big blue bus feeling bad and looking out the window all tearified. So I said to myself- STOP THE CYCLE WOMAN!! And instead of trying to fling myself in front of the car so that he could run me over and take me to hospital and feel very sorry for hurting me (yeah, too many hindi movies), I walked away. And I thought- what would last night’s caller have to say about this? He would say- eff it and move on, he’s not worth it. Don’t be a loser ;) and for once, he would be right :D
Ok, before the monitors of my blog start calling me and hounding me on mxit about who the person is, you should know this – shut up, im not telling you.
I cant believe Ramadaan is starting like this week. My non-muslim friend asked me ‘when does eid start?’ lol, I wish. But really, I like Ramadaan. Just not too ecstatic about Eid. Not a great time for me. But this year, im gonna make it rock!! Just watch me- im gonna be happy. Even my mxit presence will be happy. Pink Happiness!!! Im just having a problem coping with the fact that im not gonna watch 7de laan for a month. But I’ll be ok. I just have to act out lil scenes in my head and ill be ok. Last ramadaan was not very good. I got very sick and got all corpse-bride looking. Cant say it wasn’t fun to see ppl’s reactions while they tried to find something nice to say like ‘oh, you look..different’ ;)
Only one person had the honesty to say ‘dam girl, you look shit.have a burger.’ Lol, I love that.
I keep seeing graphs in my head. Been doing this powerpoint for too long. Im stressed about this project like you cant believe. Sunday morning at 6:30am, I woke up after a nightmare about the presentation. The place was all opulent with marble and chandeliers and then I did the presentation and got shot down by my tutor. Ouch. And then ppl started laughing. Now that’s worse than dreams where you’re in this formal place and you’re wearing a sleepshirt with no slippers. Seriously, I have to micro-manage these people to the extent of going and buying clothes for em coz I don’t trust them to dress according to the colour scheme. Oh well, practice for being a mom. It dawned on me yesterday, that my kid is going to have to be bathed every day. I mean, its one thing cleaning the fishtank every few weeks, but bathing a baby is an everyday thing! And they’re all delicate and small, and kinda more fragile than fish. You cant really scoop em out with a ladle and chuck them into another vessel. You have to manually clean them. Ok, you had probably thought of this a while ago, while I was busy dreaming up my wedding dress.
Anyway, im off to go find my group members and size them up! Literally. You know, to find out what size shirt they need. Oh and I wish people would stop pushing me around! This morning, I got on the bus all gracefully, and some guy jumps on and practically shoves me into the drivers’ lap. Monday morning surprise? I don’t think so. And now, I was waiting in line and this beeeg guy just pushes past me. Baskets! I might be small ok, but im not invisible! Look after the little people. We have feelings too.
see, i know im not the most coherent and responsive mxit user these days...and i dont feel like going out will make me feel any more excited. lest just say recent events have taught me that you dont have to have a rocking social life and party hard just to be all happy and happening. sometimes its best to just stay at home and be content. as my lovely friend Aamena says, 'my house doesnt bite' ;) how true is that! its not being antisocial, but your little housie doesnt embarrass you or dish out bitchy comments...and you can walk around in those beeg white fluffy slippers and eat icecream all day :D wait..is MissQ finally growing up? hmm, maybe...but its the best thing in the world just being happy for the small things- and im not saying become a hermit, just dont search for happiness when you're right under it's roof...
Then, this guy..im supposed to be doing business with him. he phones me..says his name twice to me like im supposed to have a flipping orgasm coz he actually is phoning me. so he’s kinda well-known, its not like I haven’t had my share of that. And I got pushed into this deal. Even though I have a bad feeling about it. now the idiot is trying to make me get all wow about him, throwing it in my face that the muslim community adores him etc. then he calls me sweety. Fart. And he’s all ‘I cant stop thinking about you, lets be famous together.’It just grossed me out. And I knew he’s a perv, but I have enough on my plate and im not gonna put up with his crap just coz I could make money.
Another thing. Girls. Whatever happened to shyness? There are some things you don’t say in front of a guy..there’s an etiquette to being in society. Be a lady for goodness sake! and dont get touchy with every guy you think is cool. Draw the line. Be demure- there’s something called elegance.
And there’s something called herpes.
No, really. This professional guy walked into the pharmacy with oral herpes coz he drank coke from his friend’s glass just on one occasion. Im just saying. Don’t drink around. Respect yourself a lil bit.
Also. The kitchen’s almost done. And all my damn spare time has been taken up by grinding my teeth alone at home with three workmen running around, when I could be sleeping or doing this essay ive been putting off forever. My neighbour happens to waltz in under the pretence of checking up on me. she’s the fanatical Islamic, jealous type who left her husband rolling on the floor in pain and told him it’ll blow over. Yeah, those kidney stones took a while to blow over.
Anyway, she has a habit of lying to get donations for charity work, or using sawaab as an incentive for people to do things for her. Now, when she saw the granite, she went ballistic telling mum its too expensive. then, she walks in and says the cupboards should go right up to the ceiling. Mum says, ‘no, I like it this way,’ she says,’ oh well..theres nothing you can do about it now.’ She tells me that tiles need to cover the bottom of the cupboard. I wanted to ask her..’who the fuck tiles their cupboards?’ but I just smiled and hoped the dagger reached her. You know, its our business. Not hers. If you don’t like it, shut the hell up. Its black, white and sliver. Just ideal for mum and I. Apparently, she thinks woodgrain is all modern. Don’t you ever wish you could just say what you wanted to right there and then – just tell them something witty yet piercing that could sum up everything you were feeling at the time. I think I’ve done that only 3 times so far.. Ok, Im starting to sound like ive been watching You’ve Got Mail too many times.
One more thing. If you’re my friend, at least try and pretend you have an interest in my work. And make time to at least read my story. Don’t tell me you don’t have the time or you’ll read it this weekend and lie to me that im a priority after I painstakingly wrote it and sent it to a select few, anticipating an iota of enthusiasm from you. Just tell me you don’t want it. I wont burden you with it again.
Bloggie, how do I apologize for abandoning you for so long and leaving you to the clutches of certain vile chatbox tenants ;) nevermind, after a quick anti-fungal rinse, you’ll be back to your pure, green state of bliss. The ‘spring giddiness’ was meant to leave a feeling of innocent childish joy, but it seems these bloggers would prefer to defile you. But what can we do…cuteness comes with a price.
This week has seen the breakdown of my social life and well, breakdowns in general. There was the end of last week’s mini-heart attack when I penned this last post for bloggie, but didn’t get to post on the day.
Morbid yet undrama-queen like post…the week moved on to my break up with technology, which saw me banging the computer (not in the way certain bloggers with innuendos will understand)…and then, yesterday saw the potential break up of communication between missQ and the group project members. Now, I knew it would come…the bitchiness. See, its incomprehensible to me, that after I go and do practically the whole thing, the person typing it would mess it up. But they proved me wrong, and messed it up!!! So I got saddled with the bulk of the thing and there I am trying to explain simple concepts to them, but they seem to have the attention span of fruit flies!!!! In any case, im just pulling my weight coz I have to get this subject over with with a rocking mark. Make dua for me…that I don’t start throwing things…or throw myself off the balcony. Coz that would really be a tragedy, coz I still haven’t worn my stripey top yet.
The weekend was a blast though!!! For you, my dear bloggie, I have documented memorable conversations from the week that was:
Lecturer: any questions?
Student (quiet girl): umm..how long should the report be?
Lecturer: maybe if you unwangled that g-string in your head, you’d remember what I told you ;)
Nazeer(mxit): what you up to?
Q: watching dirty ppl on an island.
Girl: hehe, (flirting) you have bad writing
Boy: well you have a bad face.
Ouch! I was there when that happened. Not cool.
Watching smallville with Nikhat on mxit.
Q: lanabitch is on.
N: hey you got the car?
Q: yeah! Lets drive to smallville!
N: n run lana over!!!
Q: and slap her around a bit.
N: only a bit?
Q: ok we beat her up k?
N: and tie her up and volumise her hair ;) hey, you think lex waxes his head?
And just when your eyes were getting tired of the green and you thought I’d babbled on enough…here comes another paragraph ;) small hands boy..apparently he makes up for that with a huge ego. Besides, he wore something extremely un-co-ordinated yesterday, which just irked me!! why don’t guys dress properly? MATCH YOUR THINGS FOR GOD’S SAKE!!!! please. Do it for Q. and dress up sometimes, act like you have some style. And don’t wear white shoes!! EVER! Well. Except if you have that Robbie Williams thing going and you tend to look nonchalantly at desperate groupies screaming “Hey watsup?howyoudoing?please lemme be your friend!!” and respond with a sleepy nod that implies some priceless miniscule iota of recognition. Or you say ‘sup.’ See, this is why I blog- to keep rules alive! And also, to fill the void my friends left me with after they left me in a bundle in a box on the doorstep of MTB coz they thought I’d have a better life getting a degree. Dammit. Im starting to enjoy this blog thing again. I decided to delete the thing coz I don’t see the point of this anymore coz you cant write what you really want to and end up writing for an audience, but I made friends here. Damn you! ;)
Oh well, im off to bunk a lecture and get some work done. Im nerdy like that. Thus, my hypothesis states that wrong things can be done for the right reasons. Which,I might add, does not apply to all situations, such as stealing babies coz they’re cute, but does apply to killing mosquitoes to ensure missQ’s healthy life free of allergies to the wicked creatures.
I see it.
I stumble upon it unexpectedly. I think stumbled conveys the absence of expectance. I stare; I look again, to see if what im reading is real. I pray it isn’t. I think this is too cruel for God to put me through. I keep going back to it…maybe there was something I missed. There’s a movement within me, a laboured heartbeat. Q always knows what to do..what to say, but not about this. I beg her to blink, to come up with some quick-witted comment. Nothing. I leave. I search for a friend. I smile. I tell her what I saw. I try not to cry. And I don’t. Its in my head, on the edge of the table, I carry it around in my bag and I cant empty it out like that Senokot lady in the advert. The group meeting starts, I fumble around remembering what it is I needed from them. I forget something, then repeat it twice. I feel like im losing my mind. Somebody laughs, like its unreal fro me to have an inefficient day. I apologize and bring my mind back to where it should be. Fingertips freezing, tummy floating…mind racing, this is not me. I float to the j.k an hour too early for Jumma. I pray for something impossible. I leave. I wish for a friend on the way in case I forget which step comes next. Nothing. Just the wind providing enough resistance to force myself forward. I sit on the 2nd seat of the bus. On the right. The usual place. I get home. I sleep. I wake up…and feel better. Its nothing I cant deal with. It just caught me off-guard. The phone rings. Mum picks up. It was for me. She tells me. They liked my idea…that this opportunity has come my way. I see a glimmer of light, that could turn into a blinding streak of brilliance. My friend calls the next day, I realize that im not alone. I laugh, im the Q im supposed to be. It dawns on me at 1am. Its up to me. To take the reigns…and be the architect of my circumstances. To choose what affects me. To stop being the victim. To let go.
i cant write what i want to here!
One bright sunny day (yes, that’s redundant, but its my blogg!!)in the UKZN chemistry lab, Organ Harvester and MJ were putting their skills to the test, to pass a practical to impress their demi in a white lab coat and hi heels, Niki (nikhat had to feature in this one)…the experiment would be tedious yet enlightening, as banging frogs was the one thing they had promised each other: fade out to two weeks before..
Mj: dude, lets do something wild for my birthday!!
OH: yeah!! Wow, lets bungee ;)
Mj: no, lets spank bad monkeys…
OH: what? No, that just sounds wrong, its overated. But maybe that’s just me.
Mj: its just you.
OH: oh. Ok. Well, lets bang frogs too.
So the experiment began today…as they donned their darth vader masks and held out their lightsabres (scalpels) in slow motion…just as they motioned towards the frogs to stun them, Joe, Dew and Qdee breezed in (hair all floaty in the breeze like Shirley from Hair Sensation worked her magic).
Jo, Dew and Qd (in unison) :Hi boys *giggle* ;)
Mj to OH: eff it, lets leave the frogs.
OH: we cant!! They’ve been prepared for us...you know, we need to harvest the organs. (looking to the light) for my plan..to infiltrate my name into all organs in the world!! Then I shall be King harvester!! (cue music)
Qd: what’s up with that guy?
Jo: I dunno, but hey, you got any cow organs? Im decorating my room.
Dew: there should be some here..ooh, sand!!
Mj: where’s my monkey??
Qd: Waseem borrowed it for the night…
Meanwhile, OH was getting impatient, “lets bang the damn frogs already!”
Mj: if you insist. Here take one..
OH: yeugh.dude. its gross. It better be worth it.
Jo(thinking): awww the froggies…I like green.its a wholesome colour. Hmm. Green would look so good on Robbie Williams…
Dew (thinking): I bet I could make great keyrings with those eyeballs. OMG! This is just like Grey’s anatomy!!
Qd (thinking): I haven’t been on mxit for 7 whole minutes..ppl better have left me offline msgs. Damn this labcoat looks good on me. Juju needs to see this.
Soon, Niki waltzed in, looking curiously at the girls… ‘What are these biatches doing here?’
Mj: ignore them.
OH: pass the frog.
‘Now,’ Niki instructed, ‘you will pick one of them teeny weeny frogs..like this…and in a nanosecond, bang em on the table!’
OH: cool, no foreplay.
Mj: yeah, unconscious subjects rock! But dont they light up? i like things that light up.
Mj and OH tried what Niki had told them…but Mj’s frog refused to be banged unconscious.
Mj: dude, this one’s like rubber
OH: you’re banging wrong.
Mj: no, I have massive hands! They can do no wrong!
Qd, Joe and Dew: oooh, lets see!!
By this time, OH had injected the King harvester brainwashing solution into his frog after banging, asphyxiating and dissecting his frog. Waseem suddenly barged in, ‘take your monkey back mj! It just eat spicy pasta all day!’
At the mention of spicy pasta, Mj let go of his frog. In an instant, the monkey ran after the dazed frog, breaking bottles filled with chemicals…suddenly a fatal fart (we wont say who from) ignited the chemicals and set the lab on fire!!
Dew: wait! Don’t take out your cellphones!!the radiation combined with the fumes will kill us!! Drink water.
Qd: noooo!! I have to check my offline messages!!
Jo: save the froggies!! (she’s very summarative like that)
Waseem: you know…I saw a movie like this once…
OH: put all the organs in my cooler box… next to the human heart!!
Nikki: my lab coat’s on fire!!
OH: Quick!take it off!
Mj: wow, this is a good birthday. The whole place lit up ;)
hmm..third post in one day- i know what you're thinking, 'this girls psycho,' but you ppl enable me ok!! with all your loveliness and joy that you bring to my life, i keep coming back ;) im a little freaked. i just met the cutest boy. Boy- he looked like one, but then, i look small, so i didnt see anything wrong in saying hi when we were introduced. omg. did i mention how cute he was?? anyway, so we were all chatting and i realised he was really brainy and had this smile to die for, until...my friend noticed his hands and we soon realised this boy had smaller hands than me!! and her!! how can that happen (no, i didnt let him see my hands just so i could touch him) but that was so freaky!!he was ripped though. i think he shouldve been worried. i cant like someone who has smaller hands than me!! and mine are tiny..and his were...soft. but tinier!!i thought i was deep, but i guess size matters.
i promise.thats the last time im posting that poem. i just...had to. i couldnt just let this day go bye even though every year the numbness makes it better.
As fresh as yesterday’s murder,
Notes surge through frozen indigo veins
Bringing blue lips to life once again.
Why did you bring me here again?
‘to recompose the decomposed,’ my dear.
Barely brushing the autumn leaves,
I linger in memories swirling yellows and pinks…
Dancing along the trail of bloody warmth.
Echoing through an eerie midnight,
Shadows laugh…and silence my screams…
Darkened spirits await me in their
Gnawing at my wedding dress
You take my brittle hand and walk me down
The aisle of death you laid out for me
A thousand times before
Tonight’s murder is just the same --
A kiss in the August breeze
Until tomorrow, the axe strikes twice,
‘you have to get rid of those stains,’ my dear
I sink into the shallow grave
You dig up ever so often and
Smile beneath your precious feet.
Q is hurt...by senseless person who doesnt give a damn. She has taken the blame though it wasnt her fault, tried to be above it all, smiled when she should screamed... and walked away, only to come back and take more crap.
This is it. i wont take the blame for your daft friends or whoever you think wants the best for you. I hate that you dont care and your silly lil 'how are yous' are just to keep me thinking you're my friend. I dont care anymore. i wish i couldnt.
i will never be good enough somehow. I wont stick around and wait for you to see me like the idiotic lil girl you think i am. all you care about is yourself. thats all you'll ever think about. some fool i've been...worrying about you. well you know what- it doesnt mean anything. it never did.
dam..i cant find pic of melrose cheese wedges :(
first day of campus today and mum remembered melrose! after like 7years of separation, melrose cheese and i have been reunited...it was a heavenly moment in Spar...the moment i made eye contact with the happiness in a circular container that had been missing all these years...and the words 'i have finally found my happiness' reverberated through the flat as i opened it ;) yeah yeah, sounds like utter bullshit to you, but i cant explain the effect melrose cheese has on me. Yesterdays paper said they're making a mehr coin for muslim brides that has the same value of a kruger rand and has the Ka'bah imprinted on it - sounds great, except my groom needs to have one made for me out of melrose cheese wedges ;) yeah baby!
when i was lil, my morning snack used to be a glass of milk, nuts and raisins...and melrose cheese wedges (which i aptly called 'cheesy with the moo') hehe..i think it was about the cow on the cover, Jo can relate ;)
dum da dum...i a bit bored already...sitting next to a very confused first year trying to figure out her courses. poor dingetjie. omg! 7de laan! how can Bart be dying?? thats so sad!! he so sweet and all sensitive and lovely :( dampened the last week of holiday...well, except till the granite came ;)
im in a mood. like, i wanna have a party on grass, like a braai or something - just outdoors! i saw these kids having a cute party in the park behind my house and it was soo cute! so i told mum : 'i wanna have a party too!'
mum: 'yeah, we could have family and friends braai for your birthday!'
Q: wow, that could be awesome! can we separate the mad friends and family and put em on the other side? ooh and then we could go to the beach etc...and wear all white breezy clothes, which can tie in with the lil white gazebo and so on...the weather would be perfect.
Mum: yeah..(absentmindedly) coz your birthday's usually in december...
i cant wait for Ramadaaaaan :) i just feel like this year's gonna be lovely. last year i had icecream for sehri alot and bugged mj on mxit. this year, im thinking...i'll still bug mj, but i should eat healthier things. if i sound over-excited, its coz i had to psych myself up for this day. and i get to see my friend Nikhat n the bus:Dshe's all sweet and cute and crazy - and doing masters in some hectic thing i cant pronounce...we have come up with a method of stalking i shall post later on.lol.
she's a ripper! love her to bits. she's totally unhypocritical (if thats a word) and smart and positive and funny. This is the semester of surrounding myself with positive vibes on campus ;)
think it'll work? i dunno. i magnet for nonsense sometimes. ok, me go now...
k...maybe now. k now i go.
i love this computer..the keys are all squishy and silent...
have lovely day!
Guess who popped out of the box and straight back in to blogpshere!! ;)
Hehe, don’t ask. (Yes, that’s what I do alone at home, other than leaving myself messages on our answering machine. Don’t tell anyone)
This holiday totally and absolutely rocked! I can’t quite remember what happened between the 8th of June and July 18th, and how time flew so fast that its back to campus now – just when I started enjoying it…
Just finished writing a short story, inspired by two very different songs – Tere Bina from Guru and La Noche by Tiesto. It took me forever to write these 6 pages, searching for the perfect feeling that fit the music and the story, and that feeling at the last line made it all worth it. Ok – this is me babbling!
Anyway, this holiday made me smile…I made up with friends I thought I had lost, went bowling, cooked up a storm, shopped till my feet hurt, and worked as a PRO. We had to present a proposal to the SAFA executive board. I was sooo nervous, but they loved it and it just made things that I want to do in life seem within reach. There were memorable conversations…like:
Q (on Mxit): how the hell did we end up friends?
MJ: I don’t know. But I had to put up with loads of your shit in the beginning. But I knew I’d find something in you- and one day, I’ll find it.
Q: before, I’d have deleted you right now! Big hug.
It’s weird. Some of the rocking friendships I have now have started on really rocky ground. Lol, I can be quite a…(ok Im trying to find another word for bitch here). Like Jo – we hated each other. I was a snob and couldn’t bring myself to socialize with public school people. As for MJ, he just brought out the rage in me and I still have no idea why. Um. And there were others I can’t mention lol. I don’t know why I have such a hard time trusting people. Anyway, gold medals to you, my friends who have tolerated me ;) and now I get all mushy over them and cant stop buying them things and wanting to pinch their cheeks!
Of course, I did have my bouts of freaking out over results, but I ended up getting my deans com! Thanks to…zulu.lol. Stressing just doesn’t work. It just makes your jaw sore from grinding your teeth.
So I just let the control-freak in me go this holiday ;) And it taught me lotsa things and mum and I had a blast…she learning to type with one hand!
There were endearing offline messages, colourful songs…there were new friendships like the blogger dinner. There were inspiring books and not-so inspiring movies. Ahem. And there was dancing alone in the lounge to 90’s songs ;)
There were gorgeous sunsets…
And every minute meant something worthwhile (no, I haven’t been reading Richard Branson’s book for the 25th time), and there were some dull and rage-filled moments and crying sessions at 2am, but this holiday proved to be such an adventure. I was nearly in this play, but I had to let it go, there was too much going on. Oh! And there was Jo’s sister’s wedding! Jo looked sooo stunning! Mum and I ended up at table number 7 on the 7/7/2007 with Leeanda Reddy, Rajesh Gopi, Krijay Govender and this Kesegan guy with Jack Nicholson hair who insisted we rip the centre-piece apart and take it home just to pay tribute to the Indians within us.lol! Wasn’t feeling great that night, but it was a fairytale evening – and get this- there was wedding cake! And they shared it with the guests, but Jo didn’t get to taste any :(
And right now, we’re renovating the kitchen! Ooh, all black and silver and white and sexy hehe! (that’s where the box came in by the way- we don’t have like an egg farm or anything in case you’re wondering.) I can’t wait to chop tomatoes on a granite surface…wow, gives me shivers lol!
And while all these things were changing, and crazy dreams swirled around my mind in different directions, some things remained the same- I still miss Juju. I still love Michael Buble’s ‘Everything’ and…Hugo Deep Red still smells like heaven.
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