11:42 PM

yesterday's murder

Gashing at my flesh
As fresh as yesterday’s murder,
Notes surge through frozen indigo veins
Bringing blue lips to life once again.

Why did you bring me here again?
‘to recompose the decomposed,’ my dear.
Barely brushing the autumn leaves,
I linger in memories swirling yellows and pinks…
Dancing along the trail of bloody warmth.

Echoing through an eerie midnight,
Shadows laugh…and silence my screams…
Darkened spirits await me in their
Leafy slumber
Gnawing at my wedding dress

You take my brittle hand and walk me down
The aisle of death you laid out for me
A thousand times before
Tonight’s murder is just the same --
A kiss in the August breeze

Until tomorrow, the axe strikes twice,
‘you have to get rid of those stains,’ my dear
I sink into the shallow grave
You dig up ever so often and
Smile beneath your precious feet.

9:34 PM

whisperings of wistfulness...

Sometimes the words that stick in your head are the little things that make moments special and bring secret smiles to your lips that make days seem brighter and fill the canvas of your mind with unique colour. Some pieces of life’s nuances:

Q (to little cousin): so you’re in grade 5 now, do you wanna go to university?
Cuz: yeah! Like you
Q: oh cool! What do you wanna become?
Cuz (excitedly): A cashier!

And who could forget eid day…
Raeesa (10) to her father: Daddy, can we please stay at Q’s house?! Pleeeease???
Dad: No, don start your nonsense, I have to go out later!
Raeesa: looking like THAT?
Dad: What did you say?!
Raeesa: you need to colour your hair…
Feroza (8) smiling sweetly to everyone in the lounge: My daddy uses my mommy’s Glory mendhi in his hair ;)
And they left within 5minutes.

Mxit conversation:
Q: klim backwards spells milk.
N: no, milk backwards is milk.
Q: milk forward is chocolate!
N: no punk! Cow eats grass, therefore, milk is the result.
Q: yeah and then its made into choc.
N: what if its Turkish delight?
Q: then the cow’s from turkey.
N: but what if its sad, not delighted?
Q: then its an inside story.
N: what are the bits in the inside story?
Q: cow dung the cow ingested by mistake while grazing.
N: Ewwwww…
Q: well as long as you don’t eat aero – that’s unprocessed cow flatulence.

Mom to neighbour: gosh its hot.
Neighbour: don’t say that. The fire of Hell is hotter.
Neighbour’s husband: who says we’re going there?
Two days later..
Neighbour to me: eish, its so hot today hey?

Playing 30 seconds with cousins:
Arshad: um, um, its like a calculator in India!
Sumi: Calcutta!
Arshad: yeah!
Next one…
Arshad: it’s the make of the car we drive!
Sumi: Mazda!!
Arshad: erm…we own a Toyota Camry.

Cute paki guy in lift: hello.
Q (wearing scarf on this rare occasion) : hi.
Guy: you look Muslim.
Q: erm. I would hope so.
Guy: so what’s your name?
Q: Aisha.
Guy: I’m ashraf. I haven’t seen you before.
Q: I haven’t seen you either. Bye.

12:41 AM

tell me your dreams

so i woke up this morning thnking i was one of the final four on Survivor. and there i was, chowing down raw fish and beating a cocunut into some yukky mush...until i pulled out my camera and took pictures of the fish Terry caught.then i knew it was a dream. and then i tried to change my dream.but i woke up instead.
and i had another dream which entailed a friend of mine telling me on mxit that he was getting engaged and i morphed into violent mode. left a gaping feeling in my tummy. so all this on the morning on the supposed day of luuurv. ugh. almost always, my dreams dictate the colour of my day. im one of those doomed people who travel the world at night and wake up feeling jet-lagged 9hours later. i've never denied living in my head, but this whole business of clocking up voyager miles in my sleep is getting exhausting and left me wide awake at 5am, when i only had to step out of the house at 9:30am. i've had crazier dreams...one featured a friend of mine getting locked up in the media department at the mercy of a cannibalistic rabbit,and who eventually escaped due to the 'power of his green car' (dont ask). and another friend of mine got eaten up by the escalator...but all in all, little bits of my day turn into weird distorted adventures, which often scare me, and there i am the next day with a hangover.
but i think what gets to me the most are the dreams i have of people who i havent seen in a while. i always end up dreaming that they die somehow and these poor souls are woken up by neurotic sms's from me at 6am finding out if they're still alive...(hence it is fard to see my friends regularly, but thanks to timetabling issues and practical impossibilities, im deprived of dews and jo's company, so expect an sms from me).
anyway, v day today - mum insisted i dress up coz i love myself.lol. but im more interested in not looking like a lame follower of an overated day...and because i dont wanna get mugged for looking too posh on the bus. yes, i take the bus - some ppl find that so unbelievable, but really, its contributed to my independence and i dont owe anyone and no, ppl dont pee on the bus.hmm, i'll probably dream about that tonight. i just get annoyed that ppl tend to look down on you if you take the bus. i mean, we have a car (my little hugbug) but weaving through town is dodgy.
animal in my tummy starting to wake up now...love you and leave you.hope evryone has an unexpectedly amazing day! oh and if you get a chance, read 'tell me your dreams' by sidney sheldon - its one intelligently orchestrated plot! feel free to share..

11:37 PM


I need quiche. I cant stop thinking about it. QUICHE. The last time I indulged was at the royal hotel. and then they took it off the menu ;(
And Im driving the people around me crazy and half of em don’t know what quiche is. Really. I need to know where I can get good quiche. Im in this neurotic, anxious, apprehensive, edgy place ever since I got back. I don’t know why. Well, I do know why, i just wish these butterflies in my tummy would find someone else’s gastrointestinal regions to haunt. Its you. Its all about you and you don’t even know.

11:36 PM

i've got pins and needles in my toe

9:36 PM

Sleep, why have you left me
In your wake –
Slow my beating heart…
Cast your gentle fingers
Over my eyes
suspended in flight –
suspended in life –
suspended in death

9:34 PM

my missing puzzle piece

Bloggie! I’ve missed you! Oh yes – and all you gorgeous people that actually spent precious moments of your lives reading the jargon that my fingertips punch out erratically. Wow. What a holiday! so there’ve been some crazy, annoying (well, more than a few) moments, but the good certainly outweighed the bad… since the last time, you’d be shocked to know that technological osmosis boy and I had actually had civil conversations with each other – and he turned out to be quite a sweet guy who after the 5th time of being deleted, still persisted and now we’re friends :)

Anyway…my holiday…where do I begin…well, after my weeks of lazing around at home, mum and I flew to jhb. Believe it or not, I’ve been to Lesotho, Sun City, Cape Town and lived in America, but I had never stayed in jhb! Initially I hated it – the thin, dry air that threatened to give me nosebleeds, the endless traveling, the absence of the ocean and the colourlessness of this landlocked puzzle piece that fit somewhere between nowhere and forever…but I left with the longing to return and a wish that I had arrived earlier…like 10years earlier.

Pretoria, well more specifically, laudium embraced me with an unexpected charm. I wouldn’t say the place itself had a character that I fell in love with, but the people I spent those few stunning days with breathed life into it. Let me introduce you : first there’s my grandaunt – totally cool, classy, young at heart and with a sense of style that would put Extreme Makeover Home Edition out of work. She absolutely rocks! Then there’s my aunt – sweet, cute and patient and always smiling (think that runs in the sane side of my family) and then there are my cousins who are crazy and sweet and fun and I could kick myself for waiting this long to get to know them… between fordsburg, menlyn, the union buildings, wimpy, lenasia and god knows where else, I ended up making mendhi patterns for my cousin’s art class (dude, hope you got and A), eating greek salad and water at a paki restaurant coz the place looked dodgy, and staying up til the wee hours of the morning talking to sumi ;) and all in all, I loved it! And I laughed. A lot. My mum and my grandaunt are so cute…once we were driving to jhb and my aunt mentioned something about the blind spot and my grandaunt said ‘why don’t you wipe it?’ that was the most adorable thing! And it so happened, that morning, I was listening to Justin timberlake (sorry jo) and mum walked in and asked, ‘why are you listening to that African man trying to sing?’ :) must have been that Pretoria air.

Well, then there were some crazy moments. I mean, you cant erase the crazy part of your family no matter how hard you try (and believe me I’ve tried, but I’m a psycho-magnet. I just attract them. mum says its my ‘come to me, I can help you’ look). Anyway, so the psycho side of the family pitched up, imposing themselves and ordering us to go where they wanted to go. But I guess that happens in most huge families with control freaks just waiting for their next fix. Or are they manic depressive…I cant decide. Can u be both? Lemme know.
Apart from that, laudium was a blast. I even got to see the house we lived in after I was born. Right there in Jewel street. and the whole set up was very 7de Laan-ish, but something about it won me over and sumi and I now have this dream of one day living next door to each other :) and there was something about their house too…its was white and pretty and like three storeys high but I think in laudium, where house are houses, this one was a home and I truly felt comfy there..and my grandaunt’s minimalist interior design and en-suite bathroom made it all the more irresistible (including that fiberglass/ wire/ absolutely funky techno piece of art called a light-fitting my grandaunt picked out).

I loved it. have I said that already? I feel like im leaving things out. But I cant remember what. As u might have noticed, my use of the English language has begun to…begun to…what’s another word for dilapidate? Oh yes. deteriorate. Need to start writing essays again. And yet another semester begins- full of possibility…and I keep dreaming, thinking back to those four days…when I found my missing puzzle piece.

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