12:21 AM

nothing and everything

I don’t know how to start this post. Let me first say that I was on bus today..and noticed this Audi in front of us, with the number plate...THE NUMBER PLATE. No, not a personalized one. But one that was personal to me. And the last time I saw it was the last day I saw him. Knees went weak for a while..tried to do my stalking thing and get a glimpse, but it veered off in another direction and I slapped myself back to reality. I mean, do I really wanna see a bastard on a Monday morning? No. do I want to run back and get hurt all over again? No. see, im self-destructive like that. I remember number plates like some kalima. I don’t think before I act sometimes(that can be good at times. But mostly, its bad). And then lil MissQ goes home on the big blue bus feeling bad and looking out the window all tearified. So I said to myself- STOP THE CYCLE WOMAN!! And instead of trying to fling myself in front of the car so that he could run me over and take me to hospital and feel very sorry for hurting me (yeah, too many hindi movies), I walked away. And I thought- what would last night’s caller have to say about this? He would say- eff it and move on, he’s not worth it. Don’t be a loser ;) and for once, he would be right :D
Ok, before the monitors of my blog start calling me and hounding me on mxit about who the person is, you should know this – shut up, im not telling you.
I cant believe Ramadaan is starting like this week. My non-muslim friend asked me ‘when does eid start?’ lol, I wish. But really, I like Ramadaan. Just not too ecstatic about Eid. Not a great time for me. But this year, im gonna make it rock!! Just watch me- im gonna be happy. Even my mxit presence will be happy. Pink Happiness!!! Im just having a problem coping with the fact that im not gonna watch 7de laan for a month. But I’ll be ok. I just have to act out lil scenes in my head and ill be ok. Last ramadaan was not very good. I got very sick and got all corpse-bride looking. Cant say it wasn’t fun to see ppl’s reactions while they tried to find something nice to say like ‘oh, you look..different’ ;)
Only one person had the honesty to say ‘dam girl, you look shit.have a burger.’ Lol, I love that.
I keep seeing graphs in my head. Been doing this powerpoint for too long. Im stressed about this project like you cant believe. Sunday morning at 6:30am, I woke up after a nightmare about the presentation. The place was all opulent with marble and chandeliers and then I did the presentation and got shot down by my tutor. Ouch. And then ppl started laughing. Now that’s worse than dreams where you’re in this formal place and you’re wearing a sleepshirt with no slippers. Seriously, I have to micro-manage these people to the extent of going and buying clothes for em coz I don’t trust them to dress according to the colour scheme. Oh well, practice for being a mom. It dawned on me yesterday, that my kid is going to have to be bathed every day. I mean, its one thing cleaning the fishtank every few weeks, but bathing a baby is an everyday thing! And they’re all delicate and small, and kinda more fragile than fish. You cant really scoop em out with a ladle and chuck them into another vessel. You have to manually clean them. Ok, you had probably thought of this a while ago, while I was busy dreaming up my wedding dress.
Anyway, im off to go find my group members and size them up! Literally. You know, to find out what size shirt they need. Oh and I wish people would stop pushing me around! This morning, I got on the bus all gracefully, and some guy jumps on and practically shoves me into the drivers’ lap. Monday morning surprise? I don’t think so. And now, I was waiting in line and this beeeg guy just pushes past me. Baskets! I might be small ok, but im not invisible! Look after the little people. We have feelings too.


Waseem said...

Im sure you must realise this but maybe your group members know you will do all the work and other stuff so they dont do it on their own i.e. they take advantage of you. Thats the problem with group work you have to carry other people. I know we had that problem, but believe me it is worse when the group is made up of friends.

M Junaid said...

nothing and everyhting - love that idiom. salaahudin said it in kingdom of heaven, and i use it in one of my favourite poems. also - how can we forget ..

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me
But you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me

SingleGuy said...

Talk about stress over projects....This morning in the shower my mind was going through potential ways to word my Research Proposal....

BTW...last night's caller...sounds very wise! I'd take his advice!

The Organ Harvester said...

was that single guy? self promoting super porn star. well HAMISH is on his on trip lately, you can love someone that doesnt love you, but as long as you dont destroy yourself in the process. as for mr audi, he sounds like he big fat jerk. so just doormat him, clean the shoes on him. that's all he is good for.
the fast bothers me, things always become intense. how many days must you make up if you kill someone when you fasting. i should dial a mufti.

Fatima said...

hey hey :)
yeah, don't get all stalkerish - not cool (haha i know!)
but yeah, listen to last night's caller...good advice!

have fun with the fasting! :)
i love ramadaan - i don't like eid afterward. i feel sad when ramadaan is over for some odd reason.

btw...i'm too lazy to post a comment in your previous entry - but I too have become like that - I love staying at home. I really don't know why. People must think I'm so anti-social...but I love being in my house...

!Joe! said...

Who wants to know the loser anyway! Girl, you are in a league he wishes he could be promoted to...bloody first division benchwarmer...

Yes, I feel sad when Ramadaan is over too...suddenly you can eat whenever you want, but now you don't really want to...post-Ramadaan dissonance...

Ooh, buy them sexy skin-tight outfits;) make 'em pay!!!

BanikaB said...

Hehehe, I'm just gonna gloss over the whole stalker moment and tell you that the highlight of the post was the baby-washing section. Hands down, best part. =)

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