nothing and everything

I don’t know how to start this post. Let me first say that I was on bus today..and noticed this Audi in front of us, with the number plate...THE NUMBER PLATE. No, not a personalized one. But one that was personal to me. And the last time I saw it was the last day I saw him. Knees went weak for a while..tried to do my stalking thing and get a glimpse, but it veered off in another direction and I slapped myself back to reality. I mean, do I really wanna see a bastard on a Monday morning? No. do I want to run back and get hurt all over again? No. see, im self-destructive like that. I remember number plates like some kalima. I don’t think before I act sometimes(that can be good at times. But mostly, its bad). And then lil MissQ goes home on the big blue bus feeling bad and looking out the window all tearified. So I said to myself- STOP THE CYCLE WOMAN!! And instead of trying to fling myself in front of the car so that he could run me over and take me to hospital and feel very sorry for hurting me (yeah, too many hindi movies), I walked away. And I thought- what would last night’s caller have to say about this? He would say- eff it and move on, he’s not worth it. Don’t be a loser ;) and for once, he would be right :D
Ok, before the monitors of my blog start calling me and hounding me on mxit about who the person is, you should know this – shut up, im not telling you.
I cant believe Ramadaan is starting like this week. My non-muslim friend asked me ‘when does eid start?’ lol, I wish. But really, I like Ramadaan. Just not too ecstatic about Eid. Not a great time for me. But this year, im gonna make it rock!! Just watch me- im gonna be happy. Even my mxit presence will be happy. Pink Happiness!!! Im just having a problem coping with the fact that im not gonna watch 7de laan for a month. But I’ll be ok. I just have to act out lil scenes in my head and ill be ok. Last ramadaan was not very good. I got very sick and got all corpse-bride looking. Cant say it wasn’t fun to see ppl’s reactions while they tried to find something nice to say like ‘oh, you look..different’ ;)
Only one person had the honesty to say ‘dam girl, you look shit.have a burger.’ Lol, I love that.
I keep seeing graphs in my head. Been doing this powerpoint for too long. Im stressed about this project like you cant believe. Sunday morning at 6:30am, I woke up after a nightmare about the presentation. The place was all opulent with marble and chandeliers and then I did the presentation and got shot down by my tutor. Ouch. And then ppl started laughing. Now that’s worse than dreams where you’re in this formal place and you’re wearing a sleepshirt with no slippers. Seriously, I have to micro-manage these people to the extent of going and buying clothes for em coz I don’t trust them to dress according to the colour scheme. Oh well, practice for being a mom. It dawned on me yesterday, that my kid is going to have to be bathed every day. I mean, its one thing cleaning the fishtank every few weeks, but bathing a baby is an everyday thing! And they’re all delicate and small, and kinda more fragile than fish. You cant really scoop em out with a ladle and chuck them into another vessel. You have to manually clean them. Ok, you had probably thought of this a while ago, while I was busy dreaming up my wedding dress.
Anyway, im off to go find my group members and size them up! Literally. You know, to find out what size shirt they need. Oh and I wish people would stop pushing me around! This morning, I got on the bus all gracefully, and some guy jumps on and practically shoves me into the drivers’ lap. Monday morning surprise? I don’t think so. And now, I was waiting in line and this beeeg guy just pushes past me. Baskets! I might be small ok, but im not invisible! Look after the little people. We have feelings too.