2:44 AM

An illicit affair

I want a spoonful of icecream to stir circles in. Facebook status: Q is having a bowl of faith for sehri. Yeah right. Tasted good for a while till the radio told me I was having an illicit affair with my cellphone. That’s what they call it – a phantom limb. Even if your phone isn’t with you, you feel vibrations coz its like a part of your body. Your brain has to trick itself in to feeling that its still with you. Making excuses for yourself. Yes, I know it wont work, but maybe if I draw it out long enough, it would make things better. And it does. Your phantom limb, living it out in your head and when reality hits, its ‘hey baby, im getting married’ even though you knew he wasn’t yours in the first place. funny. The vibrations in your heart tell you different things. Tell you what you want to hear. And then its on to Kim Possible and turning to your sidekick Ron, who thinks you can take over the world, while keeping your hair perfectly ghd’d. We all need a Ron. And we all need a Doug too. Because essentially, we are all Patti Mayonnaises even if you don’t wanna admit it – nobody wants to be Pepper Anne. Her mother had an illicit affair with steelwool. The kind you wash the pots with. Hence, her hair. Its like that Chinese virus that invaded my computer- you just want to straighten it out violently like an annoying mxit presence. Keep it to yourself, nobody asked how you were. And now that I know, I wont ask. But thanks for the overshare. Feels like Pakistan. All the batsmen are out, but you still think by hitting that last ball at an arb angle, you’re gonna sensationally win the game. Forget it. sharukh showed up. Its all downhill from there. The big gesture. It hardly counts when you’re on the losing team. Or so we found out when mr.smiley turned out to be batting for the other team. Shocking. A little hilarious, but shocking. Coz for as long as we thought we knew him, he rocked like a U2 concert. Scratch that one off the list while Tinkie Winkie happily adds him on his. Say it isn’t so. That im an excited lil Gummy Bear about doing this tut. My shipment has come in. The motivation I ordered in January. And its full of kick for inquisitive people who think they have the right to question me, but get defensive when I need an answer. The countdown to a confrontation…to running away..to mj’s birthday..to eid to Johannesburg sane family. If you’re clockwatching, its 10:45pm says the radio…another few seconds lost in the ultimate countdown to the end. So what does it matter? Make the best out of it and let it rain, there’s always somebody who’ll let you stand under their umbrella ella ella eh ;)
When I said spoonful I meant a ladle.

10:48 PM

my 2 cents

Ooh baby do you know what that’s worth! Ooh heaven is a place on earth!! :D yeah yeah, I don’t care if you cringe ok, its my party and I’ll embarrass myself if I want to. Q needs to get through this morning. I cant function as sehri time, and now its worse. At sehri, I generally get my direction from hitting into things and just keep going til I bash into something else. But now, there are actual people I might topple over on the way to lectures. And im writing this with my eyes half closed so forgive spelling errors. There are two things I need to get off my chest (no O.H- get your mind out of the gutter). Firstly, guys who don’t know their worth. See, approximately 7% of guys are sane. 3% are married, 3% aren’t muslim and then we’re left with the 1% who are good prospects, but think they aren’t good enough. It really annoys me that for most of the decent guys I’ve met, some silly girl has broken their heart/s, and now they’re all depressed and whiny. Im not saying its not hectically crappy that some girls can just mess with a guy and leave him to pick up the pieces of his shattered and barren world etc, but it doesn’t mean that every chic is a liar and will mash up your heart into tiny pieces and scatter grains of your grated soul on it, before putting this platter on the roof and waiting for lightening to strike. I mean, there are good girls out there! Hello? It irks me. One of my friends says he’s depressed and he doesn’t deserve happiness and that’s not gonna change. Coz apparently, he’ll never find a girl..and now he wont believe me either. So I give up on you people. Its your fault you run after those mad girlies who seem all unattainable and full of challenges, and then you look back and realize all the bruises across your chest after they’ve dragged you across the rocks and then your hearts all unprotected and damaged. Kapiche? Listen to Q! wake up! Be a man! Married life with these girlies would be even worse.

Ok.point made. 2nd thing. Don’t freak Q out. its unhealthy coz im very reactionary and freak outable. Do not send me crazy pictures of arb Indian people.ahem. coz I just go silent and I get verrry worried looking at the screen about how to say something appropriate. And I bet you get a kick out of it, but it shocks my nervous system and I get twitchy. And im fasting, so I cant just go calm down with chocolate. But I have pretty candles that mommy bought me to look at ;)
Ooh sparkly ;) ok, im off to another riveting and mind-blowing group meeting. Hopefully, one of the last ones. One more thing, if you feel that you tend to attract weird or psycho ppl, see it as a gift. A gift not many people have. So share it.

10:41 PM

i have 8 minutes to write something

Q is uneasy.
Q has sent you a lily, a bumble bee and a rose for your garden.
Q has invited you to join the group 'what addicted people do when facebook is taken away.'
inspired by nikhat, who is right now in the lab, making clones of lana, who will go around straightening each others' hair with ghd irons and then disperse and burn other people with them.
nikhat is brilliant i tell you. brilliant.
oh and to mj: have a great trip. im gonna miss you like memon ppl miss gold when they arent wearing it.
big hug.
and also, to he who cannot be named...Q's days will be brighter

11:01 PM


there are signs everywhere..even in bags of cheese and onion chips...
(still havent changed the date on the cam, but it was yesterday:) )

1:59 AM


im a dopericot.
a mix between a donut and an apricot.
what are you?

12:21 AM

nothing and everything

I don’t know how to start this post. Let me first say that I was on bus today..and noticed this Audi in front of us, with the number plate...THE NUMBER PLATE. No, not a personalized one. But one that was personal to me. And the last time I saw it was the last day I saw him. Knees went weak for a while..tried to do my stalking thing and get a glimpse, but it veered off in another direction and I slapped myself back to reality. I mean, do I really wanna see a bastard on a Monday morning? No. do I want to run back and get hurt all over again? No. see, im self-destructive like that. I remember number plates like some kalima. I don’t think before I act sometimes(that can be good at times. But mostly, its bad). And then lil MissQ goes home on the big blue bus feeling bad and looking out the window all tearified. So I said to myself- STOP THE CYCLE WOMAN!! And instead of trying to fling myself in front of the car so that he could run me over and take me to hospital and feel very sorry for hurting me (yeah, too many hindi movies), I walked away. And I thought- what would last night’s caller have to say about this? He would say- eff it and move on, he’s not worth it. Don’t be a loser ;) and for once, he would be right :D
Ok, before the monitors of my blog start calling me and hounding me on mxit about who the person is, you should know this – shut up, im not telling you.
I cant believe Ramadaan is starting like this week. My non-muslim friend asked me ‘when does eid start?’ lol, I wish. But really, I like Ramadaan. Just not too ecstatic about Eid. Not a great time for me. But this year, im gonna make it rock!! Just watch me- im gonna be happy. Even my mxit presence will be happy. Pink Happiness!!! Im just having a problem coping with the fact that im not gonna watch 7de laan for a month. But I’ll be ok. I just have to act out lil scenes in my head and ill be ok. Last ramadaan was not very good. I got very sick and got all corpse-bride looking. Cant say it wasn’t fun to see ppl’s reactions while they tried to find something nice to say like ‘oh, you look..different’ ;)
Only one person had the honesty to say ‘dam girl, you look shit.have a burger.’ Lol, I love that.
I keep seeing graphs in my head. Been doing this powerpoint for too long. Im stressed about this project like you cant believe. Sunday morning at 6:30am, I woke up after a nightmare about the presentation. The place was all opulent with marble and chandeliers and then I did the presentation and got shot down by my tutor. Ouch. And then ppl started laughing. Now that’s worse than dreams where you’re in this formal place and you’re wearing a sleepshirt with no slippers. Seriously, I have to micro-manage these people to the extent of going and buying clothes for em coz I don’t trust them to dress according to the colour scheme. Oh well, practice for being a mom. It dawned on me yesterday, that my kid is going to have to be bathed every day. I mean, its one thing cleaning the fishtank every few weeks, but bathing a baby is an everyday thing! And they’re all delicate and small, and kinda more fragile than fish. You cant really scoop em out with a ladle and chuck them into another vessel. You have to manually clean them. Ok, you had probably thought of this a while ago, while I was busy dreaming up my wedding dress.
Anyway, im off to go find my group members and size them up! Literally. You know, to find out what size shirt they need. Oh and I wish people would stop pushing me around! This morning, I got on the bus all gracefully, and some guy jumps on and practically shoves me into the drivers’ lap. Monday morning surprise? I don’t think so. And now, I was waiting in line and this beeeg guy just pushes past me. Baskets! I might be small ok, but im not invisible! Look after the little people. We have feelings too.

12:59 AM

my house doesnt bite

see, i know im not the most coherent and responsive mxit user these days...and i dont feel like going out will make me feel any more excited. lest just say recent events have taught me that you dont have to have a rocking social life and party hard just to be all happy and happening. sometimes its best to just stay at home and be content. as my lovely friend Aamena says, 'my house doesnt bite' ;) how true is that! its not being antisocial, but your little housie doesnt embarrass you or dish out bitchy comments...and you can walk around in those beeg white fluffy slippers and eat icecream all day :D wait..is MissQ finally growing up? hmm, maybe...but its the best thing in the world just being happy for the small things- and im not saying become a hermit, just dont search for happiness when you're right under it's roof...

11:50 PM

MissQ's ideal job ;)

10:38 PM

in shit street without a paddle

I warn you. This isn’t going to be pretty. Or happy. Or girly. And if you get offended by this, so be it. I’m so sick of pushy people imposing their opinions on me…and im sick of people who babble on and on with no point. And im sick of males who think they can call me ‘sweety’ after one phonecall coz their dam ego’s compensate for their lack of brain capacity.
So I go to this comedy festival right. I wasn’t in the best mood. I never really am when im surrounded by a bunch of stiff, pretentious muslim people. Then there was mj. If he wasn’t there, im sure I would’ve pulled someone’s hair out strand by strand. So after the comedy, this chick from my class- well, she’s not there anymore, comes to say hi. This is the girl, who said to me before she had the baby, ‘oh, you must come home to see the baby…and bring all your notes for me too.’ The chick who used me, who lied and found a way to do nothing for her group project because…she stole it from last year’s group. And no, I cant do anything about it- coz I’d look like a sore loser and nobody has the balls to confront the lecturer about it with me. So she’s all hi and glitterified, looking condescendingly at me and mum..and says ‘oh, I didn’t expect you to come here.’ Now wtf is that supposed to mean? I brushed it off, but now im thinking..i shouldve asked her why. I get this a lot. People think im some kinda nerd or holy cow and that I don’t have a life coz im not wild and all gaga over guys and throwing myself at them all the time.
Then, this guy..im supposed to be doing business with him. he phones me..says his name twice to me like im supposed to have a flipping orgasm coz he actually is phoning me. so he’s kinda well-known, its not like I haven’t had my share of that. And I got pushed into this deal. Even though I have a bad feeling about it. now the idiot is trying to make me get all wow about him, throwing it in my face that the muslim community adores him etc. then he calls me sweety. Fart. And he’s all ‘I cant stop thinking about you, lets be famous together.’It just grossed me out. And I knew he’s a perv, but I have enough on my plate and im not gonna put up with his crap just coz I could make money.
Another thing. Girls. Whatever happened to shyness? There are some things you don’t say in front of a guy..there’s an etiquette to being in society. Be a lady for goodness sake! and dont get touchy with every guy you think is cool. Draw the line. Be demure- there’s something called elegance.
And there’s something called herpes.
No, really. This professional guy walked into the pharmacy with oral herpes coz he drank coke from his friend’s glass just on one occasion. Im just saying. Don’t drink around. Respect yourself a lil bit.
Also. The kitchen’s almost done. And all my damn spare time has been taken up by grinding my teeth alone at home with three workmen running around, when I could be sleeping or doing this essay ive been putting off forever. My neighbour happens to waltz in under the pretence of checking up on me. she’s the fanatical Islamic, jealous type who left her husband rolling on the floor in pain and told him it’ll blow over. Yeah, those kidney stones took a while to blow over.
Anyway, she has a habit of lying to get donations for charity work, or using sawaab as an incentive for people to do things for her. Now, when she saw the granite, she went ballistic telling mum its too expensive. then, she walks in and says the cupboards should go right up to the ceiling. Mum says, ‘no, I like it this way,’ she says,’ oh well..theres nothing you can do about it now.’ She tells me that tiles need to cover the bottom of the cupboard. I wanted to ask her..’who the fuck tiles their cupboards?’ but I just smiled and hoped the dagger reached her. You know, its our business. Not hers. If you don’t like it, shut the hell up. Its black, white and sliver. Just ideal for mum and I. Apparently, she thinks woodgrain is all modern. Don’t you ever wish you could just say what you wanted to right there and then – just tell them something witty yet piercing that could sum up everything you were feeling at the time. I think I’ve done that only 3 times so far.. Ok, Im starting to sound like ive been watching You’ve Got Mail too many times.
One more thing. If you’re my friend, at least try and pretend you have an interest in my work. And make time to at least read my story. Don’t tell me you don’t have the time or you’ll read it this weekend and lie to me that im a priority after I painstakingly wrote it and sent it to a select few, anticipating an iota of enthusiasm from you. Just tell me you don’t want it. I wont burden you with it again.

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