11:59 PM

random ramblings from the desk of MissQ

i just couldnt decided today! half of me wanted to come to campus- and the other half didnt. but now im here.anyway, mum's friend happened to freak the livng daylights out of us by telling us not to use the microwave. i mean, i know the radiation is bad, but according to her, you should just avoid the micro like the plague. i have a visual in my head of it coming alive and injecting me with a virus and letting me out into the world to infect the rest of population so that technology can take over the world.lol.

so anyway, this lady really pushed it, and now im beginning to doubt my white lil microwave which has seen me through dark days of hunger-pangs which cant wait for the stove. so i let this whole paranoia thing go - til i read about the bee population declining due to cellphone radiation. now, as much as i detest em, i dont want em all to perish! and if cellphones can do that to bees, what must the radiation be doing to out lil finicky organs all connected in our head and our red and white cells carrying out their daily activities and not minding anyone else's business and suddenly get bombed by radiation?

but i cant help it - my phone is an extension of me. what will my thumb be without me phone (lol, i just said thumbee) lame ok, i know - but thats my defence. do those colourful stickers help decrease the radiation? help!

another thing in my head - that Sanex ad! what the hell? all thos enaked bodies carrying on about skin. Sanex has always had crazy ads, like the one for roll-on, where the lady kisses that guys under-arm! thoi thoi!! ugh.sorry, i just had to ad the pic!! and now this ad will pop up at just the right moments, when you're having supper (which is why the tv shouldnt be on during dinner) or when your uncle arrives and mum is in the kitchen and you're sitting there in dead silence, praying you dont burst out laughing coz you can see that his wife missed a spot colouring his hair :)

i still want quiche. im starving. i dont ever have breakfast, but right now, anything will do. today when i get home, there's going to be no electricity in the building, so MissQ will have to trudge up 13floors!! make dua for me. i guess its an advantage for my thighs.lol, mum told me when she was studying at Ga-Runkuwa, they had a gym there called Thundering Thighs! hehe!

til next time...

11:29 PM

wedding bells...and other little sparkly things

Wow. Wedding bells are ringing in my ears and I still have a few more to get through! Anyway, best friend from class one’s wedding happened recently, and finally, after 11 years of letters, sms’s and post office mix ups, I finally saw her!! Well, I kinda didn’t recognize her sitting on the stage – had to ask this totally gold-clad lady at the door if this was in fact the bride I was looking for…and ended up making a late entrance with a huge gift I which was threatening to fall off balance. Late. Im never late. But then again, mum and I haven’t attempted driving to Sherwood on our own :) really, since getting the car, I think it stressed us out more.lol. now we actually have to watch where we’re going and how. Anyway, so we missed the Sherwood off ramp (I blame it on bad lighting) and ended up on the way to stanger – where ironically best friend is from, and after we got hooted at for driving like snails and mum finally sped up by 10kms, we reached the hall 1 and a half hours later at 7pm. Needless to say, we received a lot of stares and had to be escourted riiiight to the front like late-comers at school. I was proud of mum for getting us there though! To my feigned surprise, class one teacher popped up and said ‘oooh! I cant wait to be invited to your wedding!!’ while her husband gave me a sloppy one on the cheek. Eish. And as for my poor feet, the injustice done to them by my torture devices called sandals, is something im still getting over. All in all, it was one wedding that wasn’t about flashing lights and photographers or dressed up Barbie dolls, there was something about it that was sweet and humble (apart from the gals at my table screaming about going to suncoast fot the after-party and the food which wasn’t that grand). And though it wasn’t my choice of colours or venue, it was just great to see someone who deserves to be happy finally realizing her wishes. But boy was it hard letting go of that gift! Lol, that I’ll admit – I mean, take a look:

Gorgeous! R300 bucks right there. Man, but it was worth hearing how much she loved it.
And this was the envelope I made which matched the card:

I miss my creativity…you know that feeling where there’s so many things to do but so little time…so you basically end up doing nothing because doing something will actually take up that time? hehe…first mosaics I ever made:

Lil bit undefined. I remember walking into Game and going to the hardware section on my cloak and scarf on a Friday afternoon and asking a perplexed male attendant for grout, a tile cutter and tile glue.lol! its lying around behind a cupboard now. Anyway, my mum isn’t well, so im a bietjie worried… mum’s a workaholic, all smiles lady with a flair for beautiful things, hence, she will not sit down even after her doctor (whose cheeks I want to pinch coz he looks like puff pastry) gave her the week off. So madam hurt her back and gets an injection right there, but then I see her climbing onto a stool to put something on top of the cupboard. Lol, now that’s when independence comes and bites you in the behind! Really, I cant leave her alone for a second before she starts spring cleaning or something else mother’s do. She’s adorable, don’t know what life would be without her. She’s the coolest person eva. Hey, that’s what Dew calls her – Eva. No, not longoria – a more decent kinda Italian looking.

Oh! Jo and I watched Bad Girls Go to Heaven (a play starring some Indian gals from campus) – let’s just say it was so bad, I forgot about the heaven part. Really. From the opening scene, which included every definition of the ‘f’ word…to explicit sexual detail…to unstructured speeches to the audience under spotlights by all four gals and finally, to the dancing…I was awestruck. And not in a good way. And cherry on the top- I sat next to jo’s dad for the first half. My word. Jo and I were shocked speechless, and my lights were on, but nobody was home coz I almost walked over to a red wine glass thinking, ‘wow, these ppl have grape juice here,’ but thankfully jo, my saviour pointed out the obvious :)
As for the writer, who was an Indian guy who had the ability to get a venue like the playhouse, with all those resources, it was sad that he used what so many people strive for, to display a sleazy play which made too many audience members blush and cross their legs in shame.
On the other hand, Saturday night heralded a good dose of food for thought at the Kwasuka theatre documentary festival, with the screening of the ‘Liberace of Baghdad,’ which followed 8months in the life of a pianist at a hotel in Baghdad. It was a 78 minute humourous, sad, realistic portrayal of a man’s life and quest to go to America to reunite with his wife and children, two of whom were living with him. His character was amazing – and the viewer immediately felt an attachment to this somewhat scruffy warm-hearted Librace whose patience and tolerance through such war was refreshing, as opposed to the arm’s length report we see on the news. His words were original, funny and sometimes strikingly poignant, and was one of the best attempts I’ve seen from an English journalist in a while. Wish it could be screened so that many others could revel in this wonderfully packaged reality check…living day to day – not knowing if you’ll be killed the next second, but living with hope and heart.

Well, I gotta run to class, ngizokhuluma isiZulu manje…eish, I don’t know why I chose to do zulu – the words don’t seem right when they come outa my mouth.
Tata you jelebi’s and burfi’s and chana magaj’s that take the time to read my jargon!

2:12 AM

things Q needs to do...like now!

1.Have a bunny chow: lol im Indian, living in Durbs and I’ve never had one. I’ve always been one of those fussy eaters who cant let the salad touch the curry/ rice etc, but im willing to give it a shot :)
2.Go ice-skating: I’ve been looking at the ice rink for 4years now from my window and haven’t ventured inside yet. I almost went, but decided against it coz my drivers’ license test was the next day and I was not about to jeopardize it via a sore behind or a broken leg.
3.Learn to swim properly: we’ve never had a pool and the sea and I don’t get along very well – sort of like, you stay away from me and I’ll be fine. hehe. I did go swimming with my friend and her mom jaares ago, but nobody told me I couldn’t just jump in and I nearly drowned. So I stuck to waddling around and smiling in the shallow end. Now I think it’s a sin to live at the beach and not know how to swim. It just seems wrong somehow.
4.Resume my karate lessons: I was really good at karate and then I got injured and kinda let it slip away and never ended up going back. That feeling of flinging somebody around always gave me a rush – think that’s coz im small.
5.Wear high heels: im petite (avoid the word ‘short’) and always rushing around in flats. Mum says I need to walk like a lady – slowly and straight up. So I got myself a pair of heels- now I just have to learn to love them…don’t think it’s gonna be hard, they’re all black and pretty.
6.Write a short story: procrastinating with this one. Wrote my first one last year and there’s another one lurking beneath. Need to pull it to the surface.
7.Have a lollipop! i miss those beeg red sherbet ones. i was mad over them in school - til they decided to ban the lil suckers coz the guys in school got distracted by girls eating them.gawd. that was one weird situation.
8.Driving: now that we have the car and mum’s driving quite well, I need to get going too. I make a good navigator, but there’s something I don’t like about an automatic car. Im used to having total control in a manual. With this, I don’t have a middle ground between breaking and accelerating. I think one long trip to Gateway and back might sort that out.
9.Get motivated. In my mind, there’s a play, a book and a business with mum we should get off the ground. I’ve been on radio, tv and written a book, but I want to make a success out of writing which comes to life and makes people think. Mum’s very creative – she used to make sari’s and design dresses for friends, but being a pharmacist, I think she’s working too hard now. And creativity could be the best way to put our ideas together and make a business out of our passion. Speaking of which, I need to come up with good ideas for her birthday. She got me a white gold and tanzanite bracelet year before last. How do I top that?
10.Most importantly: become a better Muslim. I realized that I might seem alone, but im not. And instead of longing for something to make it all better here and now, I should focus on the Hereafter, coz eventually, all this other trivial stuff won’t matter. I read an article about a young hafiz who past away recently…in his diary under address, he had written ‘qabr,’ under car registration, he wrote ‘muslim,’ under driving license he wrote, ‘salaah’ under telephone number he wrote, ‘surah ikhlaas’ and under other information, he wrote ‘be prepared for the grave.’ Really gave me a wake up.

11:08 PM

qd uncut

yay!! holidays :) i cant wait to get through this day and not see this place or hear from parasitic people that just wanna use me for notes for 10 whole glorious days! im void of inspiration, i dont see the light...and i try to make it brighter, but darkness keeps pulling me back. i dont know what it is. im just sick of this year already. Of being alone and falling in love with the library coz its the only thing stable and true...why is it that everybody's getting married and it just highlights your amoebotic state of one-celled adpatation to a cruel world? i thrive on this fear of commitment, yet it would be nice to have a safe place in someone else's heart. ugh. this is getting mushy. but i've always had to worry about things...ever since i was little. and growing up with a single parent has enforced an independence on me which does have its positive sides but sometimes i'd like to get this loaded backpack off and let someone else carry it. so im bearing my soul. great. but i dont want sympathy. i dont know what i want. and i've always been this straight A student on campus. til yesterday - when for the first time, i failed something. iv never ever failed. metaphor for current state of affairs? maybe. my work has always been something i could control and get something back from. Everything seems to be changing...roles have changed, im constantly watching what i say...i hate going out in public...im finding im not as secure with people i dont know- but the worst part is, reading too much into things and getting hurt. i said i wouldnt do that. but i guess im just wishing for something good to happen so badly. you know that feeling - where u break a nail and the whole world falls apart? thats how it is. im existing....something's very very wrong. and i dont know what it is. and i dont know how to change it. im not a crybaby. never was. it all seems to be emphasised now for some arb reason. i dont want sympathy. people in my life walk in and walk out, they make sympathetic noises but dont care enough to actually change something. and when i do finally get to confide in a friend, i get told to sort it out.like its as easy as making the toilet paper face the right way. im so angry. i just need someone to listen. and im tired of being bypassed and seen as the 'friend' who symbolises the door to class work or getting another girls number. when's it all gonna end? im not suicidal. and i dont like imposing my situations on people coz at the end of the day, nobody really wants to know how you are. i want to be certain of something in life. i need a reason. im tired of waking up and checking for messages and realising im gonna have to wear my mask again or having awkward mxit conversations about how lovely the weather is. maybe ppl think im independent so i must be ok. i dont know. all i know is that this load is getting too heavy and something's going to snap.

1:43 AM

This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival
A joy,a depression,a meanness,
Some momentary awareness
Comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
...The dark thought,the shame,the malice,
Meet them at the door laughing,
And invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
Because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

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