12:53 AM

untitled

Curling pages of sundried dreams
Sit on your windowsill
Collecting dustings of respects paid to
The invisible inevitable…
Incensed paper prayers for ashes of hope.

Shades of the blinding sunlight
Hiding behind parallel shadows
Parallel words,
Parallel safety net distance…slow
Fragile fingers trace fiery fateful nothings.

Striped curtains, sarcasm…shelter
The smell of choc-chip warmth
Melting defenses of burdened incompetence.

Glimpses of a muted storm
Falling snowflakes settle silently.

Grace behind the gloom…
Faith behind feathery fathomed freedom
Words have paled, parched and fumed
Drowning willingly in icy reasons
Wilting on your doorstep

Through moonlit dusted avenues
Witness to the white-rose petal rain

Of your footsteps…
Carrying a cache of secrets
As crystal glimmer catches the light
And dawn filters life into love



12:00 AM

rahul...juice?


you know how you're thinking of a song and you turn on the radio and its playing ;) thank god for east coast radio (ok, dont slap me for listening to the station) but they played Billie Myers Kiss the Rain!! that song's been floating around in my head forever...
Hello...Can you hear me
Am I getting through to you
Hello...
Is it late there
Is there laughter on the line
Are you sure youre there alone
Cuz imTrying to explain
Somethings wrong
You just dont sound the same
Why dont youWhy dont you
Go outside
Go outside
Kiss the rain
Whenever you need me
Kiss the rain
Whenever Im gone too long
If your lips feel lonely and thirsty
Kiss the rain
And wait for the dawn
Keep in mind
We're under the same sky
And the nights
As empty for me as for you
If you feel
You cant wait till morning
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rainKiss the rain
Hello...Do you miss me
I hear you say you do
But not the way Im missing you
Whats new
Hows the weather
Is it stormy where you are
You sound so close but it feels like youre so far
Oh would it mean anything
If you knew
What Im left imagining
In my mind
My mind
Would you go
Would you go
Kiss the rain

Hello...Can you hear me

yes, it does sound like another Telkom long distance mess up :) but i've loved this song since Dawsons' Creek first aired...and it hasnt lost its magic...of course, it applied then to a certain shy girl thnking about someone she liked for a few years, and who now, after meeting after 3 years, possesses some gay tendencies...but the song's still great!!hehe

anyway, nazeer mailed me something about the first letter of your name determining your personality...im pretty weird according to that as im 'attracted to people due to their ethnic grouping' lol as for mj, he 'forgets friends and family coz he lives for the moment,' about joe, she apparently very energetic and good at 'carrying on great romances in her head.' and nazeer apparently 'has the greatest love affairs all by himself in his head.'now, i dunno about you, but that kinda...mental? or either extremely hilarious! :D

anyway, was at the bustop the other day and this butch looking gal came up to stand next to me..we started talking (her indian accent colouring the conversation) and she was like 'so you muslim right eh? you look like that - like a slumou'

Q: um, yes, im muslim

girlie: u so lucky man!! the muslim guys are sooo cute!!

Q: yeah i guess they are...

girlie: so you gort a cute ou? when u getting married? yourll muslim ppl muz get married early eh?

Q: not anytime soon, i really need to finish studying.

girlie: oh. ya eh. hey you know fatima?

Q: from where?

girlie: verulam!

Q: er no, sorry.

girlie: you know shazia?

Q: from where?

girlie: verulam! ay all you muslim ppl know each other man. u muz know er.

Q: no sorry, i dont hang out with muslim ppl in the usual places.

girlie: lukker!! so er, where you living eh? i bet you stay ther in Reservoir 'ills! oh wait - you muzbe from overport- or you muzbe gort family there.those are muslim places! (wide eyed and all excited now)

Q: no, im at the beach...but i do have family in those places...

*now, monkeys decide to start jumping around surrounding trees and girlie starts laughing like a hyena...she says

'ay you know, i was just in the gardens with my boyfriend, we was laughing and staying -- only the way we was watching the monkeys cleaning each other!'

lol, at that moment, thankfully, my friend Kivi arrives :) (sy kom as sy gestuur was, according to 7de laan) and i just looked at her, said something mad and burst out laughing!!
im serious - i attract these funny people! i was just standing there, waiting for the bus..minding my own business and this happens.

oh well...maybe i have magnetic force of my own? im writing exam today..for my favourite subject!! :) but i just cant get down to studying it that much...ended up watching kuch kuch last night and chatting with mj about 'tujhe yaad na mere ai' great song. nasal, but great. sticks in your head like Hey Shona...
another nonsense blog by MissQ.hugs.

11:59 PM

nonsense


:)

cant help myself..

coz baby - its you...

(shalalalala)

you should hear what they say about you...

they say, they say u could never be true..

wo-oh, cant help myself...

coz baby its you!

(accompanying dance steps including wiggles and pointing)


lol i have no idea why, but the Peroni ad makes me feels better.and if im all happy, it makes me ecstatic ;) is that crazy? oh i think the Spar ad also has subliminal endorphines or whatever, but this peroni ad gets me...no, no, its not the thrill of idea of getting drunk...its the tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone. someone totally wrong for you for that matter!! you know, the ultimate bad boy - who has no idea he has this magnetic power...good girls like that. we like getting hurt, running after some idiot who doesnt give us a second glance - coz its a challenge. a sadistic one. and while there are perfectly sane prospects in close proximity, we choose to look the other way...towards an idiot who has no idea how lucky he is to be the object of your affection and who doesnt make the effort to really understand you. lol, i feel like im justifying waseem's first ever great post! right...so in consistence with my last post, i'd like to add the magnetic force of attraction that shit possesses -- which i will avoid!!! so this ad...it allows you the hope that one day, you'll step elegantly off your chartered jet..and he'l notice you..and you'll be having the best hair day and all these other gals will pale in comparison and then he'll dance with you in some public fountain ;)


thankfully, my social life has been reclaimed. friday night with dew, mj and joe was bloody amazing!! see mj's blog for the sole pic we took.lol...

it was so awesome to just chill out and laugh and mj set me straight about my inclination towards the 'shit' and i felt better with his straightforward wacky advice which was wrapped in lovely compliments about the 'jacket' (which has been ordained by the fashion gods) and my teeth. surprisingly. oh well...pirates wasnt great, but the comapny more than made up for it!!

june's gonna be a great month. i can feel it.

11:05 PM

miss Q's theory of applied psych

Inspired by gems of advice:

1. MJ only flies are attracted to shit
2. Nazeer: you need to tell people where they need to get off – the more you let roll off your back, the less baggage you’ll have.
3. Dew: as long as you know what’s going on, who cares how confused and upset he is?
4. Joe: he’s a mothereffer!! ;)
5. Mommy: the delete button – its there. Use it.


my theory proposes that since our hearts rule our heads sometimes, we need to start ingesting these pieces of advice, which will thereby lead to a harmonious state of being… Firstly, I am not a fly – hence, from this day forward, I shall not hover around shit! Also, missQ shall no longer be nice to people who whine, make her feel sorry for them and demand attention! Case study 1: befriending someone who has hurt her in the past. After being nice, attending to his whims for every iota of stomach pain he had,feels sorry for him. Then, the idiot says – ‘im feeling sick, im not right – you should be happy, I bet your duas are being answered coz I’ll never be happy.’ Gawd!! This is the guy that lost my flashdisk! That I used to take chocs and soup for when he made one lil sniff and I thought the poor guy was getting the flu. Right- taking gem number 2 into its application stage, I will not feel bad- and consequently told the guy off, leading to my next point – now I know for sure that I do not want to be around him or feel sorry anymore, because of his mothereffer status, I used the delete button!! :D

The theory may also be applicable to work situations – Case study 2: Mommy dearest, who has a back problem, at work. Handing out medication, she asks the assistant to please pick up a basket which had 5cans of NAN in it. Manager (who happens to be a kurtah and hat person, like male in Case study 1) says, ‘oh, why cant you pick it up yourself.’ Mum says, ‘ I don’t feel like hurting my back again.’ He says, ‘why not. Then you can call us and take a few days off again.’ Now, this conversation took place after she got injured on duty. While violent urges may arise in both cases, the theory is an extension of satyagraha. Miss Q proposes that no longer shall we hover around shit and give it the attention it wants! No longer shall we carry extra baggage or be uncertain! Use the delete button for selected mothereffers! My findings: after deleting, a feeling of emancipation with a slightly violent urge shall arise. This is good. Use the violent urge to buy yourself something amazing!


And we all know that there are those hypocrites who masquerade in the garb, but eventually, the correct use of the theory shall pave the way of not feeling bad for things which you cannot control and not hovering around crap.they shall be dealt with in Divine ways ;) so from here on, Miss Q's theory shall lead the way - because. we are not flies.

10:46 PM

the taste of cinnamon...


i dont know if dreams come to you..or you lead to their creation...but there's one that's lingered in my mind for a year now...and i thought it just had to be told.


Running, searching through opulent passages of a stone palace which held as many secrets as her warm heart…through white curtains dancing in the breeze and an intense bridal atmosphere that lingered in the air like the taste of cinnamon. Browns, golds…scatterings of maroon silk and petals caressing an autumn walkway, she felt she had been here before…that he had been here too. That she was walking in his footsteps. Amid chocolate laughter of little children in slow motion, she treaded slowly through halls lined with memories, hoping to absorb every minute he must have lived in this place, beating with a life of its own. She found herself lost among doors which begged to be opened – weary with the souls that lived within this jewel…begging to be opened and unburdened. Still, something unsettled her…unable to remember what had happened to him, she opened a door to the left of a huge mirror, embossed in rich golden dust. Yet what she had been led to was a cold, forgotten, untouched piece of the jewel which somebody had left raw.


Peering down the stairs, she saw him now…remembered what he had looked like…envisaged him in this place, growing up with his grandfather. just as her had told her – simple, meaningful, his mother the servant of the jewel that crowned the city. Hearing someone stumble at the door and the momentary distant twittering of the guests, she realized she had to return to the wedding celebrations of a distant relative she barely knew, except by the bride’s nickname which referred to her resemblance to all things round. A hint of a smile fluttered across the corner of her mouth, revealing her thoughts as she remembered her Sundays here, realising she had better get back before anyone noticed her absence or mentioned her recent displaced state of mind. But not until she saw who was at the door. An old, weathered man, his bones as creaky as the door he had just opened, was not surprised to see her. ‘I knew you would come,’ he said, ‘but he has gone…one day, he just went away. And I did not go after him.’ She looked over a sleepy city from behind huge pillars that lined the balcony, a black, hollow spot in the mosaic of life, echoing that he must have thought she had forgotten him…if only he knew…if only she had found this place earlier…if only she remembered more. His grandfather was thin – almost transparent. A forgotten man in a forgotten place, yet he was about to leave. Even he had nothing here anymore.


Perfumed days and scented years passed as she crept back into the palace, behind its golden fa├žade into its heart and left one perfect rose petal near the bottom of the stairs for every year she went back in his memory. Hoping against the reality, that his footsteps would grace this path once more. On the seventh year, the rose petals had disappeared…as she traced the bottom stair with a longing hope, she saw them appear before her, surrounded by hands she had ached to see. She closed her eyes and looked away, not wanting to believe something that wasn’t there…and suddenly the walls were lined with light, iridescent beads played with the moonlight, she dared to look…and there has was..reaching for her hand, ‘I knew you’d be here..’

11:23 PM

best post ever...thanx to joe :)



im so nervous! another group presentation today...dont get me wrong, im sociable and nice to people, but groupwrok brings out the vamp in me..i get all annoyed if i dont get work in time from them and get violent with their crazy referencing...but im hoping to not get squashed like a bug this time...amid all the butterflies, i got time to visit joe's blog and it put a beeeg grin on my face! visit www.lifemindlove.blogspot.com to make the day brighter. the captions are hilarious!!! (but read my post first k?) ;)

now, this presentation...we're all wearing black and there's no powerpoint allowed. im feeling very insecure without my crutch. i love powerpoint. its like...cookies and cream icecream! go get some from spar! dont deny yourself!! yumm..thos epieces of oreo cookies...the warmth of that biscuit flavour...juxtasposed with the icecream...coming together to create one of the most decadently delectable experiences on earth! ok i stop now..but qdee endorses country fresh cookies and cream icecream ;D oh, weird incident happened yesterday ont he bus..as i sat down, i noticed this really cute guy get on (he was cookies and cream kinda cute)...but qdee decided to look out the window and not look at him because a) he's probably like 18 and i dont cradle snatch or b) one of those 'back of the bus' people who wouldnt notice small qdee in towrds the front and would walk past her...and then...he sat next to me!! i dont know if his nervous twitching was involuntary, or due to nervousness, but it annoyed the hell out of me! - in a cute way ;) and then...just as im thinking, 'please say something to me,' he turns towards me...and asks..'does this bus go to town?' and qdee's thinking - duh you nut, you got on, you should know where its going- but i settled for 'yes.west street.' and we sat there in silence because im not the type to strike up conversation coz i'll say something stupid.lol and coz im not letting myslef get swept away again..and towards my stop, 'busboy' decides to ask another brillaint question 'does this bus go to the workshop? so i nodded and got off at my stop. lol.glad that's over.maybe he really didnt know where he was going hey...

god. im free for 5 hours today. i hate late presentations.like late exams..but im glad i'll see dew today! always makes my wednesdays :) as for bangladeshi drumbeat boy...he wont leave me alone!! maybe i need a new tactic.like going insane on him..but maybe he would like the psychotic me and then his 'mwah mwah mwah' and angel sms's would increase and i'd really lose it. but i;ve always attracted psycho guys. one came home and actually played with his mother's hair in front of us!! another was a dumb blonde with a psycho mother who beat up his teacher...and the other used to have imaginary conversations with his dad even though hs dad was in the next room ;) and they all seem to think they're sharukh or saif! like any south african could compare! well,maybe busboy and ryk neethling ;) ooh, saif dumped rosa so im catching the next flight to mumbai!! lol, you know if these ppl werent stars and we saw em on the road somewhere, i bet we'd say 'oh, more paki's' lol...

anyway..this post isnt going anywhere coherent...so im off...make a stop at joes blog ;)

11:13 PM

injustice

An innocent girl…a dream…a life destroyed by the realization of it. Nobody would have guessed the promises weren’t true. Amid her parent’s disapproval and their warning, amid the tears and the signs, she begged to follow her heart and spend her life with him…until that moment – when her bridal jewelry was ripped off after society had nodded approvingly and went back to their cosy abodes, with wedding chocolates the first thing on their minds. As they disappeared into the night…the nightmare began – full of the dreams he had allowed her to believe would come true. Not this. Not leaving her alone and locking her in a cold house with no food so that he could enjoy warm meals at his mother’s house…not taking her car keys away so she couldn’t reach her parents – not beating her up until she lost the baby.
The dreams, the 1.2 million rand mansion, the honeymoon on an exotic island, had become the black hole that filled her heart and tormented her mind like the antibacterial smell of the hospital she was in. so it all came down to this…the girl who had once taken a flight overseas all by herself with a spirit of adventure that was so resilient, it preceded her…and while she may not have seen my points of view at times, she did not deserve this. She did not deserve her husband’s uncles beating her up to the point of losing consciousness. She did not deserve the lies, she did not deserve being starved…and having her soul taken away like that. I remember the excitement on her eyes 6 months ago, planning the big day – which now reflect a panicked, frightened girl in the silent hours of the morning, needing constant attention and reassurance that he will not come to take her away.
What is this? I cant wrap my head around it. A muslim boy. Who she only loved and believed – and at 20years old, she ends up being damaged! And he gets away with breaking her heart, throwing away the person she was, scarring her for life. Its not fair!! I hate that I cant do anything about it. I cant stand injustice! How do these people live with themselves?! I mean, what the hell is wrong with our community! Right, we have money, we have Islamic radio stations and a more than good turnout at ‘islamic fairs,’ but come on, wher’s the truth? We don’t see the way muslim bosses exploit their workers, making drivers work on eid days and leaving their families at home. We don’t see the way some well known muslim radio presenters own kids are exact opposites of what they preach. And for one day, don’t wear a scarf and these same people cant even look at you straight coz suddenly you aren’t good enough? Whats the good of dressing all holy if you cant act like it? Don’t make me feel guilty for wearing one when I want to and sometimes not. Don’t be hypocrites when a muslim boy can make zina with a girl and eventually not have the guts to tell his parents he wants to marry her after promising her a future. Don’t act like you value women, when you look down on a single parent family and label them ‘dysfunctional’ because a male is missing! Even though the male was violent and she took it upon herself to get her child out of that situation and make a better life for them? Like the males of our wonderful community are so brilliant – they can have degrees and own a myriad of stores and write cheques for charity and pledge them on radio, but they can turn around and flirt with a thousand white women and yet exploit muslim sisters as employers. It makes me sick!! It gets me that they denounce flirting at Islamic fairs, but still have them because it generates business. And all people want is a united ummah, yet people bicker over such trivialities like paying their workers and giving them time to read Salaah.
And no, im not against everyone – there are the rare sane ones. I’ve met 2. but it rattles my cage that its all about appearance! Everything. Portrayal. If a someone’s fair, they’re automatically gorgeous and classed differently regardless of brain capacity! If a girl wears a scarf, she’s decent and totally pure and marriage material, but if she doesn’t, she’s damned for life. If someone’s rich, let’s mingle with them coz it’s a good prospect for a cushy future. And marriage. If he’s rich, he’s approved of. What’s the point? What’s the point when nobody listens and all you hear is an innocent girl’s heart breaking?

11:17 PM

mommy's day!!


achoo!

me getting flu :(


writing beeg bad test today... but yay! sunday is mother's day :) mum's my best friend...and she looks like my sister! hehe, we went to a fair and i bumped into a guy friend (very cute), so we said hi and bye..til the next day on campus when he asks me 'who was that you were with? she's hot!' and then i looked at him and said 'that my mother.' hehe, should've seen the look on his face! priceless :) anyway, mom works really hard and as a single parent, i think she's done exceptionally well - i havnet had to resort to sniffing, swallowing or popping any of the drugs at the pharmacy (moms a pharmacist) and i have not tried to slit my ankles (slitting wrists is so common), so i think i've turned out ok :)


so come sunday, my mom's getting spoilt rotten! and im memon.hehe...anyway, i gotta rush to group meeting...and be all social and enthusiastically nerdy.love it! enjoy mummy's day! hope all the gifts are wrapped and ingredients bought for breakfast. toodles!

2:50 AM

celebrating Eva!


yay yay! mommy's birthday today ;)

woke up at 5am to dish out her gifts like a christmas fairy...well, an Eid fairy. i have this thing for gifts. like in involuntary reaction to special days...or sometimes ordinary days. people get annoyed at times, but i cant help it. its that thrill of getting somebody something you know they'll go crazy over. reference- mj's lava lamp episode. that rocked!!


im having a nonsense day where everything is delayed due to some external consequence and Miss Q had planned her day minute for minute today (and that included beauty sleep, a horrible tut and finally telling Bangladeshi drumbeat boy to go beat his drum elsewhere). Tutor decides to up and leave just when im next in line to see her...and rushed to 1st period lec only to have the lecturer not show up.brilliant...gosh im sleeping with my eyes open.


i have this thing to right about. this funny incident. but its not getting through all the things in my head. i hate when that happens. like when Dew and i meet on rare occasions and you just cant remember what that important incident was you saved up just for that day.


ugh.blogging. dont you ever feel like it restricts you at times? when you wanna say something and you just know that person's gonna read it? lol, like..ok let's call her Mrs Pepperpot. So self-righteous, melodramatic and egotistical enough to completely minimise your issues and run them over with a tractor so that the whole world revolves around hers. practically everyone around me now knows her issues and due to my proximity to her, i get a double dose. now, the situation is such that i have to endure her company for a while...so cant get outa that one.but it just annoys me when im stressed about work and madam says 'oh, dont complain - you're not having the day im having, i dont think anyone can be more stressed than me.' blows me right outa the water...and one day, im gonna crack lol. and its gonna be funny ;)


anyhoo, Pepsi is sick. i hope he gets better and saves the world in that superhero spandex uniform lol...and technological osmosis boy is still around! can you believe that. record.


question- if there are people around you who care, but not specifically the one you're looking for, does it count? do their words mean anything when they dont mean anything to you? i dont think so - but friend begs to differ.help.

10:47 PM

suspended


so mukhtar finally figured out who i am. yay for clicking ;) so just when he realises my identity, i seem to lose mine?

yeah, funny how that happened - well, not funny. considering i hurt someone in the process whose trying to help...in the process of falling and hitting the ground and finding something i never should have found...in remembering a smile that existed in a moment. a smile that confirmed, acknowledged, reformed my existence into a colourful life. limbo...suspended in this grey screened repose, i cannot leave it behind. i cannot go forward even though i know what i know. i hear what people want me to hear - too afraid to reveal the truth, they dance around me like a constant screensaver that bounces off the walls...walls that shield me from you. and i did not mean to be this way, to push you away, to recoil into my own world of make-believe, of cartoon characters which fill my mind with the absence of you...and the immenent truth i will have to accept. driving away, looking back through the window, the resentment you and i cannot explain.have i done the right thing? i have. my head knows that. but my heart...what's in a heart anyway? nothing. for the good of the people.for the good of a promise...for 30 seconds of hope...what would i not give for 30 seconds of you. 30 seconds of a smile. the day i lost control. april. i hate april. and august. replaying the words like some possessed recorder. and im in this place where bitterness lines the corridors when it rains...and i turn around - and there you are, with a naughty grin and a familiar light in your gorgeous eyes...telling me that this was all a bad dream.

10:48 PM

life is like...

taking a bite out of a huge watermelon...your hands and feet might get numb from all the hard work, but the taste of success is sweet.

11:48 PM

hey shona...


I finally got to watch the movie!! And now hey shona is stuck in my head…I don’t mind at all :) take tissues if you’re booked to see this one – extremely sad, but steeped in reality. I think we’re so used to seeing rich sets and saries dancing in the 45 degree angled breeze that this movie doesn’t seem to live up to salam-e-ishq etc. But a peek into the logic behind the film breathes new life into it. The 1st and 2nd songs really rocked…well, I try not to cry at the movies…but mum next to me weeped and weeped and ended up with puff pastry eyes today.lol…overall, Tararumpum was an awesome movie…and rani isn’t that dead in this movie…and saif’s a lil dirty all the time, so its quite fresh (no pun intended ;))

At least it made me forget about Saturday night. Gawd. What a night.nightmare. my cousin’s wedding – gold and sea blue set the scene for a stunning wedding with a dusty gold asymmetrical couch on the stage and white roses everywhere. Lol, enough money was spent on food since the mendhi night which included Portuguese prawns and more chocolate than I’ve ever seen in one place…so the paki singer sang kabhi kabhi to me. And I thought that moment would easily be the most embarrassing moment that weekend – but no, my family had to top that! So there I am at the wedding, in this avocado and silver sharara thingie with diamante thingies in my hair…sitting all innocently at the table, with all the cute oldies…and then…it happened.
People started winking at me and acting all weird. I thought maybe one of my pins which held my top to my skirt had popped out and I was obliviously flashing some forbidden flesh at people. After checking that nothing was wrong, I walk back into the hall – and there they were – the bride’s over eager granny and a ‘potential’ surrounded by grinning family. Ugh. So I was polite…and this clever lil lady made me give him my number in front of her…it was sooooo awkward!! I mean, im not opposed to arranged meetings, but this one was like a bad joke. And I don’t wana say mean things about him, but let’s just say, his name (which sounds like a bangladeshi drumbeat) was only the tip of the iceberg. And now he wont leave me alone. But I think he may have gotten the message when I refused to send him my pic or go for coffee or shopping or anything involving us being together… well, needless to say, there was a fair amount of eye candy at that wedding and I bet all of em knew I was being set up with him. I dint know whether to laugh or cry. So I just ate icecream at home in silence. And I got asked enough times when im getting married…and resorted eventually to saying ‘when you find me the right one.’ Why do ppl insist on asking? Too much pressure. Its hard enough finding normal people to hang with – and since when has marriage become the entire point of living? Ok, so I also dream about the perfect wedding day (and the blank spot where the groom is concerned) but im in no rush…and the rate of friends that are getting divorced has freaked me out enough. So I want to be sure and while I do get annoyed that everything should be simpler, I guess everything has a place and time…til then, it would be nice if people stopped pushing me.


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