Curling pages of sundried dreams
Sit on your windowsill
Collecting dustings of respects paid to
The invisible inevitable…
Incensed paper prayers for ashes of hope.
Shades of the blinding sunlight
Hiding behind parallel shadows
Parallel safety net distance…slow
Fragile fingers trace fiery fateful nothings.
Striped curtains, sarcasm…shelter
The smell of choc-chip warmth
Melting defenses of burdened incompetence.
Glimpses of a muted storm
Falling snowflakes settle silently.
Grace behind the gloom…
Faith behind feathery fathomed freedom
Words have paled, parched and fumed
Drowning willingly in icy reasons
Wilting on your doorstep
Through moonlit dusted avenues
Witness to the white-rose petal rain
Of your footsteps…
Carrying a cache of secrets
As crystal glimmer catches the light
And dawn filters life into love
reflections of an only child...struggling to shatter stereotypes, battling against the demons of loneliness in hi heeled sandals and a tiara...welcome to the alcoves of my mind.
- ► 2008 (42)
- ▼ May (12)
Curling pages of sundried dreams
Inspired by gems of advice:
1. MJ only flies are attracted to shit
2. Nazeer: you need to tell people where they need to get off – the more you let roll off your back, the less baggage you’ll have.
3. Dew: as long as you know what’s going on, who cares how confused and upset he is?
4. Joe: he’s a mothereffer!! ;)
5. Mommy: the delete button – its there. Use it.
my theory proposes that since our hearts rule our heads sometimes, we need to start ingesting these pieces of advice, which will thereby lead to a harmonious state of being… Firstly, I am not a fly – hence, from this day forward, I shall not hover around shit! Also, missQ shall no longer be nice to people who whine, make her feel sorry for them and demand attention! Case study 1: befriending someone who has hurt her in the past. After being nice, attending to his whims for every iota of stomach pain he had,feels sorry for him. Then, the idiot says – ‘im feeling sick, im not right – you should be happy, I bet your duas are being answered coz I’ll never be happy.’ Gawd!! This is the guy that lost my flashdisk! That I used to take chocs and soup for when he made one lil sniff and I thought the poor guy was getting the flu. Right- taking gem number 2 into its application stage, I will not feel bad- and consequently told the guy off, leading to my next point – now I know for sure that I do not want to be around him or feel sorry anymore, because of his mothereffer status, I used the delete button!! :D
The theory may also be applicable to work situations – Case study 2: Mommy dearest, who has a back problem, at work. Handing out medication, she asks the assistant to please pick up a basket which had 5cans of NAN in it. Manager (who happens to be a kurtah and hat person, like male in Case study 1) says, ‘oh, why cant you pick it up yourself.’ Mum says, ‘ I don’t feel like hurting my back again.’ He says, ‘why not. Then you can call us and take a few days off again.’ Now, this conversation took place after she got injured on duty. While violent urges may arise in both cases, the theory is an extension of satyagraha. Miss Q proposes that no longer shall we hover around shit and give it the attention it wants! No longer shall we carry extra baggage or be uncertain! Use the delete button for selected mothereffers! My findings: after deleting, a feeling of emancipation with a slightly violent urge shall arise. This is good. Use the violent urge to buy yourself something amazing!
And we all know that there are those hypocrites who masquerade in the garb, but eventually, the correct use of the theory shall pave the way of not feeling bad for things which you cannot control and not hovering around crap.they shall be dealt with in Divine ways ;) so from here on, Miss Q's theory shall lead the way - because. we are not flies.
im so nervous! another group presentation today...dont get me wrong, im sociable and nice to people, but groupwrok brings out the vamp in me..i get all annoyed if i dont get work in time from them and get violent with their crazy referencing...but im hoping to not get squashed like a bug this time...amid all the butterflies, i got time to visit joe's blog and it put a beeeg grin on my face! visit www.lifemindlove.blogspot.com to make the day brighter. the captions are hilarious!!! (but read my post first k?) ;)
now, this presentation...we're all wearing black and there's no powerpoint allowed. im feeling very insecure without my crutch. i love powerpoint. its like...cookies and cream icecream! go get some from spar! dont deny yourself!! yumm..thos epieces of oreo cookies...the warmth of that biscuit flavour...juxtasposed with the icecream...coming together to create one of the most decadently delectable experiences on earth! ok i stop now..but qdee endorses country fresh cookies and cream icecream ;D oh, weird incident happened yesterday ont he bus..as i sat down, i noticed this really cute guy get on (he was cookies and cream kinda cute)...but qdee decided to look out the window and not look at him because a) he's probably like 18 and i dont cradle snatch or b) one of those 'back of the bus' people who wouldnt notice small qdee in towrds the front and would walk past her...and then...he sat next to me!! i dont know if his nervous twitching was involuntary, or due to nervousness, but it annoyed the hell out of me! - in a cute way ;) and then...just as im thinking, 'please say something to me,' he turns towards me...and asks..'does this bus go to town?' and qdee's thinking - duh you nut, you got on, you should know where its going- but i settled for 'yes.west street.' and we sat there in silence because im not the type to strike up conversation coz i'll say something stupid.lol and coz im not letting myslef get swept away again..and towards my stop, 'busboy' decides to ask another brillaint question 'does this bus go to the workshop? so i nodded and got off at my stop. lol.glad that's over.maybe he really didnt know where he was going hey...
god. im free for 5 hours today. i hate late presentations.like late exams..but im glad i'll see dew today! always makes my wednesdays :) as for bangladeshi drumbeat boy...he wont leave me alone!! maybe i need a new tactic.like going insane on him..but maybe he would like the psychotic me and then his 'mwah mwah mwah' and angel sms's would increase and i'd really lose it. but i;ve always attracted psycho guys. one came home and actually played with his mother's hair in front of us!! another was a dumb blonde with a psycho mother who beat up his teacher...and the other used to have imaginary conversations with his dad even though hs dad was in the next room ;) and they all seem to think they're sharukh or saif! like any south african could compare! well,maybe busboy and ryk neethling ;) ooh, saif dumped rosa so im catching the next flight to mumbai!! lol, you know if these ppl werent stars and we saw em on the road somewhere, i bet we'd say 'oh, more paki's' lol...
anyway..this post isnt going anywhere coherent...so im off...make a stop at joes blog ;)
An innocent girl…a dream…a life destroyed by the realization of it. Nobody would have guessed the promises weren’t true. Amid her parent’s disapproval and their warning, amid the tears and the signs, she begged to follow her heart and spend her life with him…until that moment – when her bridal jewelry was ripped off after society had nodded approvingly and went back to their cosy abodes, with wedding chocolates the first thing on their minds. As they disappeared into the night…the nightmare began – full of the dreams he had allowed her to believe would come true. Not this. Not leaving her alone and locking her in a cold house with no food so that he could enjoy warm meals at his mother’s house…not taking her car keys away so she couldn’t reach her parents – not beating her up until she lost the baby.
The dreams, the 1.2 million rand mansion, the honeymoon on an exotic island, had become the black hole that filled her heart and tormented her mind like the antibacterial smell of the hospital she was in. so it all came down to this…the girl who had once taken a flight overseas all by herself with a spirit of adventure that was so resilient, it preceded her…and while she may not have seen my points of view at times, she did not deserve this. She did not deserve her husband’s uncles beating her up to the point of losing consciousness. She did not deserve the lies, she did not deserve being starved…and having her soul taken away like that. I remember the excitement on her eyes 6 months ago, planning the big day – which now reflect a panicked, frightened girl in the silent hours of the morning, needing constant attention and reassurance that he will not come to take her away.
What is this? I cant wrap my head around it. A muslim boy. Who she only loved and believed – and at 20years old, she ends up being damaged! And he gets away with breaking her heart, throwing away the person she was, scarring her for life. Its not fair!! I hate that I cant do anything about it. I cant stand injustice! How do these people live with themselves?! I mean, what the hell is wrong with our community! Right, we have money, we have Islamic radio stations and a more than good turnout at ‘islamic fairs,’ but come on, wher’s the truth? We don’t see the way muslim bosses exploit their workers, making drivers work on eid days and leaving their families at home. We don’t see the way some well known muslim radio presenters own kids are exact opposites of what they preach. And for one day, don’t wear a scarf and these same people cant even look at you straight coz suddenly you aren’t good enough? Whats the good of dressing all holy if you cant act like it? Don’t make me feel guilty for wearing one when I want to and sometimes not. Don’t be hypocrites when a muslim boy can make zina with a girl and eventually not have the guts to tell his parents he wants to marry her after promising her a future. Don’t act like you value women, when you look down on a single parent family and label them ‘dysfunctional’ because a male is missing! Even though the male was violent and she took it upon herself to get her child out of that situation and make a better life for them? Like the males of our wonderful community are so brilliant – they can have degrees and own a myriad of stores and write cheques for charity and pledge them on radio, but they can turn around and flirt with a thousand white women and yet exploit muslim sisters as employers. It makes me sick!! It gets me that they denounce flirting at Islamic fairs, but still have them because it generates business. And all people want is a united ummah, yet people bicker over such trivialities like paying their workers and giving them time to read Salaah.
And no, im not against everyone – there are the rare sane ones. I’ve met 2. but it rattles my cage that its all about appearance! Everything. Portrayal. If a someone’s fair, they’re automatically gorgeous and classed differently regardless of brain capacity! If a girl wears a scarf, she’s decent and totally pure and marriage material, but if she doesn’t, she’s damned for life. If someone’s rich, let’s mingle with them coz it’s a good prospect for a cushy future. And marriage. If he’s rich, he’s approved of. What’s the point? What’s the point when nobody listens and all you hear is an innocent girl’s heart breaking?
At least it made me forget about Saturday night. Gawd. What a night.nightmare. my cousin’s wedding – gold and sea blue set the scene for a stunning wedding with a dusty gold asymmetrical couch on the stage and white roses everywhere. Lol, enough money was spent on food since the mendhi night which included Portuguese prawns and more chocolate than I’ve ever seen in one place…so the paki singer sang kabhi kabhi to me. And I thought that moment would easily be the most embarrassing moment that weekend – but no, my family had to top that! So there I am at the wedding, in this avocado and silver sharara thingie with diamante thingies in my hair…sitting all innocently at the table, with all the cute oldies…and then…it happened.
People started winking at me and acting all weird. I thought maybe one of my pins which held my top to my skirt had popped out and I was obliviously flashing some forbidden flesh at people. After checking that nothing was wrong, I walk back into the hall – and there they were – the bride’s over eager granny and a ‘potential’ surrounded by grinning family. Ugh. So I was polite…and this clever lil lady made me give him my number in front of her…it was sooooo awkward!! I mean, im not opposed to arranged meetings, but this one was like a bad joke. And I don’t wana say mean things about him, but let’s just say, his name (which sounds like a bangladeshi drumbeat) was only the tip of the iceberg. And now he wont leave me alone. But I think he may have gotten the message when I refused to send him my pic or go for coffee or shopping or anything involving us being together… well, needless to say, there was a fair amount of eye candy at that wedding and I bet all of em knew I was being set up with him. I dint know whether to laugh or cry. So I just ate icecream at home in silence. And I got asked enough times when im getting married…and resorted eventually to saying ‘when you find me the right one.’ Why do ppl insist on asking? Too much pressure. Its hard enough finding normal people to hang with – and since when has marriage become the entire point of living? Ok, so I also dream about the perfect wedding day (and the blank spot where the groom is concerned) but im in no rush…and the rate of friends that are getting divorced has freaked me out enough. So I want to be sure and while I do get annoyed that everything should be simpler, I guess everything has a place and time…til then, it would be nice if people stopped pushing me.
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