reflections of an only child...struggling to shatter stereotypes, battling against the demons of loneliness in hi heeled sandals and a tiara...welcome to the alcoves of my mind.
- ► 2008 (42)
- the princess..
- non-communicative heart failure
- The twilight zone
- Spring Giddiness
- Banging frogs: a lab experiment
- unlocking the secret
- i saw the palm pilot and crashed
- i promise.thats the last time im posting that poem...
- yesterday's murder... ...
- drawing the line...
- appy appy 60th ;)
- karma's kick
- why this day already rocks!!
- MissQ's tumourous day
- 'Distance lends enchanment to the view'u think?
- Q is hurt...by senseless person who doesnt give a ...
- one for the record books
- ▼ August (18)
Bloggie, how do I apologize for abandoning you for so long and leaving you to the clutches of certain vile chatbox tenants ;) nevermind, after a quick anti-fungal rinse, you’ll be back to your pure, green state of bliss. The ‘spring giddiness’ was meant to leave a feeling of innocent childish joy, but it seems these bloggers would prefer to defile you. But what can we do…cuteness comes with a price.
This week has seen the breakdown of my social life and well, breakdowns in general. There was the end of last week’s mini-heart attack when I penned this last post for bloggie, but didn’t get to post on the day.
Morbid yet undrama-queen like post…the week moved on to my break up with technology, which saw me banging the computer (not in the way certain bloggers with innuendos will understand)…and then, yesterday saw the potential break up of communication between missQ and the group project members. Now, I knew it would come…the bitchiness. See, its incomprehensible to me, that after I go and do practically the whole thing, the person typing it would mess it up. But they proved me wrong, and messed it up!!! So I got saddled with the bulk of the thing and there I am trying to explain simple concepts to them, but they seem to have the attention span of fruit flies!!!! In any case, im just pulling my weight coz I have to get this subject over with with a rocking mark. Make dua for me…that I don’t start throwing things…or throw myself off the balcony. Coz that would really be a tragedy, coz I still haven’t worn my stripey top yet.
The weekend was a blast though!!! For you, my dear bloggie, I have documented memorable conversations from the week that was:
Lecturer: any questions?
Student (quiet girl): umm..how long should the report be?
Lecturer: maybe if you unwangled that g-string in your head, you’d remember what I told you ;)
Nazeer(mxit): what you up to?
Q: watching dirty ppl on an island.
Girl: hehe, (flirting) you have bad writing
Boy: well you have a bad face.
Ouch! I was there when that happened. Not cool.
Watching smallville with Nikhat on mxit.
Q: lanabitch is on.
N: hey you got the car?
Q: yeah! Lets drive to smallville!
N: n run lana over!!!
Q: and slap her around a bit.
N: only a bit?
Q: ok we beat her up k?
N: and tie her up and volumise her hair ;) hey, you think lex waxes his head?
And just when your eyes were getting tired of the green and you thought I’d babbled on enough…here comes another paragraph ;) small hands boy..apparently he makes up for that with a huge ego. Besides, he wore something extremely un-co-ordinated yesterday, which just irked me!! why don’t guys dress properly? MATCH YOUR THINGS FOR GOD’S SAKE!!!! please. Do it for Q. and dress up sometimes, act like you have some style. And don’t wear white shoes!! EVER! Well. Except if you have that Robbie Williams thing going and you tend to look nonchalantly at desperate groupies screaming “Hey watsup?howyoudoing?please lemme be your friend!!” and respond with a sleepy nod that implies some priceless miniscule iota of recognition. Or you say ‘sup.’ See, this is why I blog- to keep rules alive! And also, to fill the void my friends left me with after they left me in a bundle in a box on the doorstep of MTB coz they thought I’d have a better life getting a degree. Dammit. Im starting to enjoy this blog thing again. I decided to delete the thing coz I don’t see the point of this anymore coz you cant write what you really want to and end up writing for an audience, but I made friends here. Damn you! ;)
Oh well, im off to bunk a lecture and get some work done. Im nerdy like that. Thus, my hypothesis states that wrong things can be done for the right reasons. Which,I might add, does not apply to all situations, such as stealing babies coz they’re cute, but does apply to killing mosquitoes to ensure missQ’s healthy life free of allergies to the wicked creatures.
I see it.
I stumble upon it unexpectedly. I think stumbled conveys the absence of expectance. I stare; I look again, to see if what im reading is real. I pray it isn’t. I think this is too cruel for God to put me through. I keep going back to it…maybe there was something I missed. There’s a movement within me, a laboured heartbeat. Q always knows what to do..what to say, but not about this. I beg her to blink, to come up with some quick-witted comment. Nothing. I leave. I search for a friend. I smile. I tell her what I saw. I try not to cry. And I don’t. Its in my head, on the edge of the table, I carry it around in my bag and I cant empty it out like that Senokot lady in the advert. The group meeting starts, I fumble around remembering what it is I needed from them. I forget something, then repeat it twice. I feel like im losing my mind. Somebody laughs, like its unreal fro me to have an inefficient day. I apologize and bring my mind back to where it should be. Fingertips freezing, tummy floating…mind racing, this is not me. I float to the j.k an hour too early for Jumma. I pray for something impossible. I leave. I wish for a friend on the way in case I forget which step comes next. Nothing. Just the wind providing enough resistance to force myself forward. I sit on the 2nd seat of the bus. On the right. The usual place. I get home. I sleep. I wake up…and feel better. Its nothing I cant deal with. It just caught me off-guard. The phone rings. Mum picks up. It was for me. She tells me. They liked my idea…that this opportunity has come my way. I see a glimmer of light, that could turn into a blinding streak of brilliance. My friend calls the next day, I realize that im not alone. I laugh, im the Q im supposed to be. It dawns on me at 1am. Its up to me. To take the reigns…and be the architect of my circumstances. To choose what affects me. To stop being the victim. To let go.
i cant write what i want to here!
One bright sunny day (yes, that’s redundant, but its my blogg!!)in the UKZN chemistry lab, Organ Harvester and MJ were putting their skills to the test, to pass a practical to impress their demi in a white lab coat and hi heels, Niki (nikhat had to feature in this one)…the experiment would be tedious yet enlightening, as banging frogs was the one thing they had promised each other: fade out to two weeks before..
Mj: dude, lets do something wild for my birthday!!
OH: yeah!! Wow, lets bungee ;)
Mj: no, lets spank bad monkeys…
OH: what? No, that just sounds wrong, its overated. But maybe that’s just me.
Mj: its just you.
OH: oh. Ok. Well, lets bang frogs too.
So the experiment began today…as they donned their darth vader masks and held out their lightsabres (scalpels) in slow motion…just as they motioned towards the frogs to stun them, Joe, Dew and Qdee breezed in (hair all floaty in the breeze like Shirley from Hair Sensation worked her magic).
Jo, Dew and Qd (in unison) :Hi boys *giggle* ;)
Mj to OH: eff it, lets leave the frogs.
OH: we cant!! They’ve been prepared for us...you know, we need to harvest the organs. (looking to the light) for my plan..to infiltrate my name into all organs in the world!! Then I shall be King harvester!! (cue music)
Qd: what’s up with that guy?
Jo: I dunno, but hey, you got any cow organs? Im decorating my room.
Dew: there should be some here..ooh, sand!!
Mj: where’s my monkey??
Qd: Waseem borrowed it for the night…
Meanwhile, OH was getting impatient, “lets bang the damn frogs already!”
Mj: if you insist. Here take one..
OH: yeugh.dude. its gross. It better be worth it.
Jo(thinking): awww the froggies…I like green.its a wholesome colour. Hmm. Green would look so good on Robbie Williams…
Dew (thinking): I bet I could make great keyrings with those eyeballs. OMG! This is just like Grey’s anatomy!!
Qd (thinking): I haven’t been on mxit for 7 whole minutes..ppl better have left me offline msgs. Damn this labcoat looks good on me. Juju needs to see this.
Soon, Niki waltzed in, looking curiously at the girls… ‘What are these biatches doing here?’
Mj: ignore them.
OH: pass the frog.
‘Now,’ Niki instructed, ‘you will pick one of them teeny weeny frogs..like this…and in a nanosecond, bang em on the table!’
OH: cool, no foreplay.
Mj: yeah, unconscious subjects rock! But dont they light up? i like things that light up.
Mj and OH tried what Niki had told them…but Mj’s frog refused to be banged unconscious.
Mj: dude, this one’s like rubber
OH: you’re banging wrong.
Mj: no, I have massive hands! They can do no wrong!
Qd, Joe and Dew: oooh, lets see!!
By this time, OH had injected the King harvester brainwashing solution into his frog after banging, asphyxiating and dissecting his frog. Waseem suddenly barged in, ‘take your monkey back mj! It just eat spicy pasta all day!’
At the mention of spicy pasta, Mj let go of his frog. In an instant, the monkey ran after the dazed frog, breaking bottles filled with chemicals…suddenly a fatal fart (we wont say who from) ignited the chemicals and set the lab on fire!!
Dew: wait! Don’t take out your cellphones!!the radiation combined with the fumes will kill us!! Drink water.
Qd: noooo!! I have to check my offline messages!!
Jo: save the froggies!! (she’s very summarative like that)
Waseem: you know…I saw a movie like this once…
OH: put all the organs in my cooler box… next to the human heart!!
Nikki: my lab coat’s on fire!!
OH: Quick!take it off!
Mj: wow, this is a good birthday. The whole place lit up ;)
hmm..third post in one day- i know what you're thinking, 'this girls psycho,' but you ppl enable me ok!! with all your loveliness and joy that you bring to my life, i keep coming back ;) im a little freaked. i just met the cutest boy. Boy- he looked like one, but then, i look small, so i didnt see anything wrong in saying hi when we were introduced. omg. did i mention how cute he was?? anyway, so we were all chatting and i realised he was really brainy and had this smile to die for, until...my friend noticed his hands and we soon realised this boy had smaller hands than me!! and her!! how can that happen (no, i didnt let him see my hands just so i could touch him) but that was so freaky!!he was ripped though. i think he shouldve been worried. i cant like someone who has smaller hands than me!! and mine are tiny..and his were...soft. but tinier!!i thought i was deep, but i guess size matters.
i promise.thats the last time im posting that poem. i just...had to. i couldnt just let this day go bye even though every year the numbness makes it better.
As fresh as yesterday’s murder,
Notes surge through frozen indigo veins
Bringing blue lips to life once again.
Why did you bring me here again?
‘to recompose the decomposed,’ my dear.
Barely brushing the autumn leaves,
I linger in memories swirling yellows and pinks…
Dancing along the trail of bloody warmth.
Echoing through an eerie midnight,
Shadows laugh…and silence my screams…
Darkened spirits await me in their
Gnawing at my wedding dress
You take my brittle hand and walk me down
The aisle of death you laid out for me
A thousand times before
Tonight’s murder is just the same --
A kiss in the August breeze
Until tomorrow, the axe strikes twice,
‘you have to get rid of those stains,’ my dear
I sink into the shallow grave
You dig up ever so often and
Smile beneath your precious feet.
Q is hurt...by senseless person who doesnt give a damn. She has taken the blame though it wasnt her fault, tried to be above it all, smiled when she should screamed... and walked away, only to come back and take more crap.
This is it. i wont take the blame for your daft friends or whoever you think wants the best for you. I hate that you dont care and your silly lil 'how are yous' are just to keep me thinking you're my friend. I dont care anymore. i wish i couldnt.
i will never be good enough somehow. I wont stick around and wait for you to see me like the idiotic lil girl you think i am. all you care about is yourself. thats all you'll ever think about. some fool i've been...worrying about you. well you know what- it doesnt mean anything. it never did.
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