10:58 PM

unlocking the secret


Good friend Avani and I have uncovered the secret to the perpetuation of capitalism, the one thing that led to our slavery to the economy and the simplest, most passive method of conditioning that moulded us into cardboard beings – the bob. Admit it- you had one too!! ;)

I remember going under the sharp shimmer of silver blades every few months, horror of all horrors, I was boxed in, sides and fringe – conditioned to be symmetrical. Well, most of the time. There was that one time mum cut my fringe too short and society threatened to disown me. The bob. I watch my 4 little cousins growing up- all looking like me- all with bobs. All conditioned to the sides and the fringe, laughing at other little ones trying to break the mould with their pineapple pony’s reaching heavenward like spiky rebels. Oh and then there’s the two ponytails…pigtails! Yeah, I had those too…capitalism tied up on either side, ears exposed to the words of capitalism singed into them by our teachers. Of course, I had to go the extra mile and wear my scarf over my pony’s so I ended up looking like a toothless mouse receiving triangular laser signals from Nebula.
And there was the bowl haircut…shove a bowl over the head and trim around the edges with fast snips of the scissors. Now I never had the joy of that experience, but certain people seem to have found that joy – and never left it.

The bob. The monosyllabled sister of the free world, the imprisonment of radical thoughts – and the cutest thing on a kid you have ever seen! But we’ve moved on…to the hair iron. The GHD, seen as the saviour of all bad hair days, possibly the most magical yet functional invention of our time. It can turn gloomy days sunny, wipe the frizz out of life, grant you endless hair-swishing in the wind, allowing you the power to swish a guy unconscious and have him smitten at the pin-straightness of your tresses. Ugh. Smitten. I hate that word. I don’t know why. But it fit there. This is capitalisms triumph over the majority of the world. It’s why Muslim women aren’t allowed to cover their heads, because capitalism needs to ensure everyone is under its spell in the economically prosperous countries. Therefore, it’s hard to resist the GHD. It speaks the language of all females; it has the power to fulfill dreams, the power to grant confidence! And of course, the power to unconsciously turn ourselves into clones through practically burning our hair off (that burning smell and the steam is your hair frying and no amount of protection’s gonna stop it frying. It just makes it sizzle.). This, the Genetic Hallucinogenic Duplication device is the perpetuation of the bob’s mission – to take over the world! (the pinky…pinky and the brain brain brain…) enough!! This is why we cannot accept bad hair days – because we have grown up thinking that good, straight hair is normal. It’s why we feel physically sick on bad hair days, because capitalism is comfortable and safe – it’s the bob box, the nice straight parallel lines that have conditioned us into what’s right. This is why we hate strong wind- it threatens the lines!! Yes, that includes flatulence. That’s why its taboo. So I urge you...go on…do something funky with your hair. Let it travel off in another direction from your head ;) embrace the curl that doesn’t fit in with the rest! Go give a kid an asymmetrical haircut! Set the locks free!! Unlock the locks ;)

6 comments:

Waseem said...

I didn't have a bob :P, but i did have a school boy haircut aka run your hair over couple times with a machine, your luck what blade, could be a 1, maybe a 2 or even a 3. I had some terrible schoolboy haircuts. Once my cousin gave me haircut and shaved off my sideburns :(, I had to go to school like that.

The Organ Harvester said...

Hair is over rated.

Well for men anyway. Bald chicks are freaky. My friend graeme took home this chick called joe. She was well fit except for the No1 haircut. he was drunk, she was drunk. The next morning he had a freak out because he opened his eyes and saw the back of her head.

Their relationship didnt last long.

juju said...

Hair, I miss that. I have to keep my hair neat cos of work. A haircut is like R140.00+ over here. And I don't trust the Pakistanis to give me a haircut. So i'm left with no option but to go to my friend to get my hair cut. Unfortunately his skills are limited to a number 1, 2 or 3.
I mean, i was never good looking, but now with short hair, i'm just hideous.
I miss my hair.

!Joe! said...

I had a bob for most of my life! :) it looks cute on small girls that's why we all do it. Bobs are funky and retro and so 60s and you can wear funky alice bands and bandanas with it. and when it grows out it looks ok. I don't cut my hair like that anymore cos my face is chubby and my neck is long and I'll look weird :) but you're right, why do we have to feel like success is entwined in a hair-straightening iron? You feel like you have a gun (or GHD) to your head these days. My hair is straight but I get the odd twist and turn...I love curls. I want a good curling iron. Again, it won't work for me but I still love them. :)

qdee said...

hmm...why do guys alwys end up looking like convicts after they get haircuts?
OH: eww...freaky bald chics ;( remember that bald chich Ross dated on friends? now that was just too weird.

juju: you're cute. and i miss that boy with the mop of hair walking across the school grounds ;)
joe : your hair's stunning!!

qdee said...

waseem: lol, u got a pic of that i can blackmail you with?


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