i miss her...and i miss that she was good and beautiful..and represented something pure in this tainted world.
and i miss the good people in my family that passed on last year. my grand-uncle. at my book launch, he hugged me. you know how you get those people that just give genuine hugs. the ones that just envelope you and cushion you from the rest of the world. im lucky my grand-aunt's still around, she gives those hugs too. she misses him. i see her living alone, still as well-dressed and smiling as she always was. but theres that glimmer of sadness that creeps in ever so often. i could only dream of a love like that. he doted on her, they travelled the world, and every wednesday afternoon was lunch at the royal. before he died, he bought a flat for her at the beach so that she could always see the sea and wouldnt have to travel around too much to go shopping. the funeral. i couldnt find the words...
i dont cry at funerals. i detach myslef pretty well enough to do the mechanical things.
i kept thinking, what if you dont talk to somebdy you love for a while coz you have grudges, or there's just no point in talking...what if someday its too late? too late to say 'im sorry i wasted that much time' and was just too stubborn?
5 comments:
ya, princess diana was the best...i was nena in egoli, i loved her as a child.
You think it's a bad thing not to cry at funerals, but at least it's a genuine reaction...sometimes you see people who were never close to the deceased crying their eyes out. and just because you don't cry doesn't mean you're not grieving.
i think about that all the time, not talking to those I love because of a grudge or because of the pain they have caused...sometimes you wonder if it's worth it, cos you miss them anyway, but a part of you is always proud and unwilling to allow them back in. I can't offer advice about this, cos then it would mean having to practice what i preach...it's easy to say "forgive/get over it and then there won't be a too late" but it's hard to actually make that first step.
i have this aunt who used to do some theatrics at the funeral. her late husband was in on it, so much so he would have the car running before the body was put into the hearse. screaming, howling, asking silly question, fist beating, the whole shebangabang. i felt bad laughing at a funeral, but who keeps these kids hey?
with regard to forgiveness, you do your part to mend bridges, but people are people, so essentially it's in the big guy's hands.
death is always hard...especially so when you really loved the person.
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