2:57 AM

karma's kick


i knew it! i knew yesterday was too good to be true and that karma would give a kick today! i hate wednesdays. i have lectures for 3 hours in the afternoon in a smelly lecture room with no hot ppl to distract me! MissQ is always punctual or very early, but today, i decided to take the 10am bus here. see, i take two buses to campus,and nobody had taken the time to let me know there was a march in town, so i got stuck when i reached there. i stood there, waiting for the god damn bus, and when it finally arrived, the protesters went wild and stormed onto the road andt the driver didnt see me and so i missed it. i waited there for another half hour and i guess i should be grateful im here. one hour at a bus stop in the middle of town is bad enough, but the possiblity of getting mauled by a group of uncooth people adds a whole lot of crazy to the situation. i couldnt turn back - i'd miss lectures, i couldnt call someone to fetch me-and MissQ just want to sit cross-legged in the middle of the road and cry.

and all these things were running through my head, like legal studies nonsense i did in first year about how you have the right to strike and protest as long as it doesnt infringe on other ppl's rights and then i got angry and i felt like just going back home. and i was scared.

im beginning to hate this place. i cant go anywhere without being scared, i cnt even talk to somebody without worrying of some crazy rumour will do the rounds and i cant seem to get some validation for trying to keep the peace. and no, this is not me feeling sorry for myself, but why the hell should i have to be so dam invisible? you either see nobody or you see the girl next to me. yeah yeah, i should be grateful i shouldnt have to take 3 buses i should be grateful that mum and i are doing well, i should be grateful im doing ok on campus. i should be bloody thrilled right. should i be thrilled that i have a void in my life? that i didnt ask to grow up having to be independent all the time, that i didnt ask for this kind of life where ppl constantly ask questions and when they hear you had a psycho for a father, you get that 'shame, you come from a dysfunctional family' look. god. you think it wouldv gotten better by now. dont tell me that someday it'll all be better coz it was good for a while and now its not anymore. so whats new...ppl give up on me when they dont understand. they take a step back and would rather believe what they want to and see what they want to see. its like today- i ended up getting the bus, but there's no trace that i was even there.

11 comments:

Ruby :) said...

hey qdee... glad you got to campus okay, and didnt get stampeded by the srikers... have a lovely, relaxing long wknd..

Waseem said...

I usually like wednesdays but today is just a drag ... a long sucky drag, probably due to tomorrow being a holiday.

My day did get better yesterday, as Im sure yours will today. What are people striking about now? I'm so oblivious to these things

Dew said...

Bipolar I tell you...look at your post orders...heck look at my posts!

*HUGS* & *KIsses* and blankets.
You'll be okay - and no I'm not just saying it - because I know you a fighter and while you feel down you'll always come back on top with a bang.

Anonymous said...

.

Anonymous said...

i have read what you wrote and sumthing came to mind i will share it with you
here goes...

Two travelling angels stopped to spend the night
in the home of a wealthy family.
The family was rude and refused to let the angels
stay in the mansion's guest room.
Instead the angels were given a small space in
the cold basement.
As they made their bed on the hard floor, the
older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it.
When the younger angel asked why, the older angel
replied,
Things aren't always what they seem.
The next night the pair came to rest at the house
of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his
wife.
After sharing what little food they had the couple
let the angels sleep in their bed where they could
have a good night's rest.
When the sun came up the next morning the angels
found the farmer and his wife in tears.
Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole
income, lay dead in the field.
The younger angel was infuriated and asked the
older angel how could you have let this happen?
The first man had everything, yet you helped him,
she accused.
The second family had little but was willing to
share everything, and you let the cow die.
Things aren't always what they seem, the older
angel replied"When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I
noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the
wall.
Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and
unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the
wall so he wouldn't find it.
Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed,
the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him
the cow instead.
Things aren't always what they seem

Anonymous said...

Sometimes this is exactly what happens when things
don't turn out the way they should. If you have
faith, you just need to trust that every outcome
is always to your advantage. You just might not
know it until some time later..
Some people come into our lives and quickly go..
Some people become friends and stay awhile...leaving beautiful footprints on our hearts...
we are never quite the same because we have made a good friend!!

Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That's why it's called the present!
I think this is special...live and savor every
moment... This is not a dress rehearsal!

hope the days to come are happy days :)

qdee said...

hey ruby : i had lovely day off :) hope you're good.

waseem: i dunno. these tech students just went wild.

dew: lol, thats tru! tanx..

anon: hmm, ok i dont know who u r, but thank you for taking the time ;)

The Organ Harvester said...

i had wise words and a chocolate for you. but i forgot the words and well the choc started to melt. true. honest. you know dysfunctional is the new black and i'd rather be dysfunctional than functionally catatonic. drool doesnt work for me.
oh yes, now i remember, sorry, still no choc, but here goes.
exceptionally well written. Well i think you write well. and this post. raw honest expression. none of that kfc pops garbage passed around. you dont need trimmings. nice one sister.

qdee said...

O.H - thanx, means alot coming from a brilliant writer like you.ahem, cant forgive the chocolate though ;)

The Organ Harvester said...

sorry dear, but choc is choc. i sold most of my extended family to arab slave traders for chocolate.
i'm cool like that.

qdee said...

O.H- i'd trade em for Cookies and Cream icecream


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