this one! this is the baba i want...
im sooo tired. I got the flu and its that achy feeling all over that makes you wish someone would just flatten you out with a rolling pin lol…I really have to rock my paper today. Hehe, I had a crazy dream about my lecturer whose paper im writing today. We were in Pirates of the Caribbean (no, I wasn’t keira) and the sea was at the bottom of the library…and he insisted that the only way I could pass was if I changed my clothes, ironed them, and put em back on again. Anyway, I refused and ended up in the CCMA where I was fighting for the right to eat my lunch in class ;) but it didn’t stop there! Later on, I found out he got a job in a pharmacy as the parcel-counter guy! And he was sitting there, marking my work and he gave me 23% for something!! Yeah..thats about it.
Was doddling around at home yesterday when all these people from my class started calling to find out about today…so I just watched my phone flashing…but this girl asked me the other day ‘are you sure you don’t know more than what the rest of us know about what’ll be in the paper?’ now that made me mad! And I asked ‘what are you implying?’ and she was kinda shocked but it really surprised me…
Oh well, MissQ’s last day today. Cant decide about this holiday…I had all these plans about getting together with friends…now im thinking I should work. Hmm..i should see whether im alive by next week Monday…this flu isn’t pretty. Some ppl can pull off a pretty flu – where they tend to look all cute and warm…im not like that. I look deathly sick, like I sold my soul to the devil. That happens in Ramadaan too.
I was thinking…fate or ‘God’s will’ can really have you in awe sometimes…recently, I was at the bustop and my friend smsed to say she was on her way..lol the bus came and went but I decided to wait for her and took the later bus. When we got to town, it was eerie and quiet and most of the shops were closed…if I had taken the earlier bus, I would’ve been caught in the midst of a violent march which I hadn’t even thought about. On the same day, I decided to take the bus before my usual stop (I take 2buses a day) and as we approached the place where I normally take the bus, the cops were out in full force coz right then and there, there was some drug bust and a shootout…if that wasn’t enough to freak me out…this morning, I somehow got the early bus, and mum called me just now to tell me that there was a shootout outside the bank there a few minutes after I had gotten the bus. Makes you wonder. Luck? Good timing? Fate? I think its no coincidence that certain factors allow you to be in these places at the right time. And we may think that Allah (SWT) lets us down by making life difficult sometimes or not fulfilling your duaas immediately…but looking closer, its His very protection that keeps us breathing..that allows me to walk through town everyday and not have my fears realized…that keeps my mum safe everyday…lol even kept Jo alive during those ‘Architorture’ days when she used to walk through Russell Street with her bag!!
And I think in subtle way, He takes nonsense out of your life..shows you people’s true colours before you make mistakes…and it can make you angry about getting hurt, but in essence, He saves you from making bigger mistakes that can impact you further on. Patience, I think is crucial. Ok, enough philosophy for today…
MissQ isn’t going to be around for a lil bit…seeing as internet at home still not hooked up – and internet café boy looks at me funny ;) so…here are my demands:
1. jo and MissQ have to bake cupcakes together!
2. Mj: you can be the taster. Pyari pyari lamhe my sugardumpling :)
3. Dew and us need to stop avoiding the ice and go skating
4. Mario, do not jet off anywhere without informing MissQ! If you land up in a war-torn place with a slab of chocolate and ppl trying to steal it from you or bomb you – hand over the chocolate! And if you’re near the sea and a tsunami approaches – do not run towards the water! :D
5. juju: I suggest you either start training or prepare for defeat in the bowels of Pav bowling alley ;) MissQ will conquer!
And to the rest of blogworld…I demand that you keep being brilliant…and ever great. Waseem and Taqdeer and Fatima :)
I’d like to thank Karan Johar for giving me this opportunity…to work with such greats and still keep my sari on and my ankles healthy after running through the field of blogosphere while singing Kabhi Kabhi ;)
Right. Meds kicking in! im off..ooh, chicken tikka tonight ;P
Alas the weekend shot me back in time with a needle and thread, flip-flops and east coast radio. It was a horrible picture…starting with Qdee at home on the couch, hemming her jeans. Firstly, jeans and MissQ don’t agree. Well, its a lop-sided relationship – I love jeans, but its unrequited. I think they repel petite girlies who revel between those difficult sizes and who aren’t tall enough for the hip size or scarecrow-narrow enough for the butt size, leaving you with jeans which waft around your waist, and cling to your thighs for dear life, making you regret last week’s tiramisu and leave your legs looking malnourished like your thighs stole all their thunder. So in all my state of confusion between 4 pairs ranging from 26 to 34, I found it. The perfect pair…as silence drowned out the noise of every pavilion shop and heavenly light descended and we made contact…anyway, its perfect…just needed a lil hem. After sewing elastic onto the top of my burqah (I had a receding burqah line after sajdah due to my procrastination of fixing it.) while pinning my jeans, I realized…there I was, on a Sunday afternoon. Sewing. And humming to the classic hits on ECR!! I think it hit me after hearing myself singing the words to ‘McCarthy Toyota – where peace of mind is part of the deeeeeal.’ And I thought – no, this cant be happening to me. I will not let myself slip even though I wrote an exam the day before and my brain was numb! So off to the beach we went, where I ended up marveling at the book stall. So much for that ;) Ooh but The Namesake was on special ok! Anyway, weekends rock if you make the most of em…or do nothing – whatever rocks your boat.lol, even if its ECR ;)
MissQ has been slightly off-centre recently…uncertain things. Ugh. You know, the constant questioning about what you say, or the way you are…like the assumption that im constantly lonely or ‘in need’ of attention coz im an only child. Or the fact that not having a significant other makes you some depressed bag-lady who sips spiked Ensure on her balcony while winking at an imaginary hunk.
Its not said in so many words, but it comes across. Whoever said significant others were the answer to the world’s problems? Sometimes they can BE a world of problems if its the wrong one;) Of course its awesome to love and be loved, but why rush if its not the right time?
Its not like I haven’t had options…like who could forget the indian triangle…
Or the Chinese inquisition at Christmas in Texas…
Or that day at the zoo, when MissQ discovered white boys…
Lol. So I have history ;) but why is it that if you’re a divorced mom or her daughter, you’re automatically thought of as desperate coz you cant afford to be selective? Please. Bullshit.
Anyway, its not like im going to shut people off for expressing their opinions – its just that people often think they’re judging the whole you, when there’s a vast expanse they haven’t even seen. There are just some things that you don’t broadcast, yet which define you in ways others will never grasp. And often, your cant be yourself around certain people. Get that? Or am I babbling. I end up confronting ppl only if it means something to me that the person knows what’s what. Otherwise I tend to let it go, say its ok or whatever coz its not gonna make a difference in the long run. Lol a close friend said to me the other day that ‘you’re too nice – one day, you’re just gonna flip and go psycho’ hehe. I have had a few nutty moments this year—oh and architecture year, where Qdee swore in public for the first time and threw her lip gloss into the bin angrily in front of everyone coz this weird guy used it and pouted at her.
So the point is…just because I seem a lil unsure of things…uncertain of jeans and my thighs, sometimes shy and avoid confrontations, does not mean Im a ladybug looking to get analysed or squished. I do stand up for myself when it counts…
Bottom line – life is full of diverse, exciting things, with incredible people…
But it isn’t a fairytale…
And it can be cruel and kind and rejuvenating and sweet and heartbreaking and time can stand still and tomorrow it can have you looking back thinking how everything’s gone so fast…essentially, its about what you make of it. Live for the moment. Be happy. Don’t judge people. Coz no matter how well you know someone, you aren’t them. Everything has a reason. This year’s taught me a lot of hard lessons already, like what’s really important…and that your capabilities extend far more than you thought they did…that what you leave behind with no expectation can come back and make your life beautiful…and that sometimes pink strappy sandals aren’t always the best fashion buy ;)
P.S...........
All hail captain juju!! :) http://www.captain-juju.blogspot.com/
MissQ welcomes ‘he who has special power to rock the world’ to blogosphere with icecream, chocolates and a black Peugeot 206 ;) Roll out the red carpet, scatter the glitter, light the lanterns and prepare the feast for his long awaited arrival from the frozen, dry corporate jungle of the northern regions (jhb). Lol. Be nice. One in a million kinda boi :)
Curling pages of sundried dreams
Sit on your windowsill
Collecting dustings of respects paid to
The invisible inevitable…
Incensed paper prayers for ashes of hope.
Shades of the blinding sunlight
Hiding behind parallel shadows
Parallel words,
Parallel safety net distance…slow
Fragile fingers trace fiery fateful nothings.
Striped curtains, sarcasm…shelter
The smell of choc-chip warmth
Melting defenses of burdened incompetence. 
Glimpses of a muted storm
Falling snowflakes settle silently.
Grace behind the gloom…
Faith behind feathery fathomed freedom
Words have paled, parched and fumed
Drowning willingly in icy reasons
Wilting on your doorstep
Through moonlit dusted avenues
Witness to the white-rose petal rain 
Of your footsteps…
Carrying a cache of secrets
As crystal glimmer catches the light
And dawn filters life into love
Inspired by gems of advice:
1. MJ only flies are attracted to shit
2. Nazeer: you need to tell people where they need to get off – the more you let roll off your back, the less baggage you’ll have.
3. Dew: as long as you know what’s going on, who cares how confused and upset he is?
4. Joe: he’s a mothereffer!! ;)
5. Mommy: the delete button – its there. Use it.
my theory proposes that since our hearts rule our heads sometimes, we need to start ingesting these pieces of advice, which will thereby lead to a harmonious state of being… Firstly, I am not a fly – hence, from this day forward, I shall not hover around shit! Also, missQ shall no longer be nice to people who whine, make her feel sorry for them and demand attention! Case study 1: befriending someone who has hurt her in the past. After being nice, attending to his whims for every iota of stomach pain he had,feels sorry for him. Then, the idiot says – ‘im feeling sick, im not right – you should be happy, I bet your duas are being answered coz I’ll never be happy.’ Gawd!! This is the guy that lost my flashdisk! That I used to take chocs and soup for when he made one lil sniff and I thought the poor guy was getting the flu. Right- taking gem number 2 into its application stage, I will not feel bad- and consequently told the guy off, leading to my next point – now I know for sure that I do not want to be around him or feel sorry anymore, because of his mothereffer status, I used the delete button!! :D
The theory may also be applicable to work situations – Case study 2: Mommy dearest, who has a back problem, at work. Handing out medication, she asks the assistant to please pick up a basket which had 5cans of NAN in it. Manager (who happens to be a kurtah and hat person, like male in Case study 1) says, ‘oh, why cant you pick it up yourself.’ Mum says, ‘ I don’t feel like hurting my back again.’ He says, ‘why not. Then you can call us and take a few days off again.’ Now, this conversation took place after she got injured on duty. While violent urges may arise in both cases, the theory is an extension of satyagraha. Miss Q proposes that no longer shall we hover around shit and give it the attention it wants! No longer shall we carry extra baggage or be uncertain! Use the delete button for selected mothereffers! My findings: after deleting, a feeling of emancipation with a slightly violent urge shall arise. This is good. Use the violent urge to buy yourself something amazing!
And we all know that there are those hypocrites who masquerade in the garb, but eventually, the correct use of the theory shall pave the way of not feeling bad for things which you cannot control and not hovering around crap.they shall be dealt with in Divine ways ;) so from here on, Miss Q's theory shall lead the way - because. we are not flies.
im so nervous! another group presentation today...dont get me wrong, im sociable and nice to people, but groupwrok brings out the vamp in me..i get all annoyed if i dont get work in time from them and get violent with their crazy referencing...but im hoping to not get squashed like a bug this time...amid all the butterflies, i got time to visit joe's blog and it put a beeeg grin on my face! visit www.lifemindlove.blogspot.com to make the day brighter. the captions are hilarious!!! (but read my post first k?) ;)
now, this presentation...we're all wearing black and there's no powerpoint allowed. im feeling very insecure without my crutch. i love powerpoint. its like...cookies and cream icecream! go get some from spar! dont deny yourself!! yumm..thos epieces of oreo cookies...the warmth of that biscuit flavour...juxtasposed with the icecream...coming together to create one of the most decadently delectable experiences on earth! ok i stop now..but qdee endorses country fresh cookies and cream icecream ;D oh, weird incident happened yesterday ont he bus..as i sat down, i noticed this really cute guy get on (he was cookies and cream kinda cute)...but qdee decided to look out the window and not look at him because a) he's probably like 18 and i dont cradle snatch or b) one of those 'back of the bus' people who wouldnt notice small qdee in towrds the front and would walk past her...and then...he sat next to me!! i dont know if his nervous twitching was involuntary, or due to nervousness, but it annoyed the hell out of me! - in a cute way ;) and then...just as im thinking, 'please say something to me,' he turns towards me...and asks..'does this bus go to town?' and qdee's thinking - duh you nut, you got on, you should know where its going- but i settled for 'yes.west street.' and we sat there in silence because im not the type to strike up conversation coz i'll say something stupid.lol and coz im not letting myslef get swept away again..and towards my stop, 'busboy' decides to ask another brillaint question 'does this bus go to the workshop? so i nodded and got off at my stop. lol.glad that's over.maybe he really didnt know where he was going hey...
god. im free for 5 hours today. i hate late presentations.like late exams..but im glad i'll see dew today! always makes my wednesdays :) as for bangladeshi drumbeat boy...he wont leave me alone!! maybe i need a new tactic.like going insane on him..but maybe he would like the psychotic me and then his 'mwah mwah mwah' and angel sms's would increase and i'd really lose it. but i;ve always attracted psycho guys. one came home and actually played with his mother's hair in front of us!! another was a dumb blonde with a psycho mother who beat up his teacher...and the other used to have imaginary conversations with his dad even though hs dad was in the next room ;) and they all seem to think they're sharukh or saif! like any south african could compare! well,maybe busboy and ryk neethling ;) ooh, saif dumped rosa so im catching the next flight to mumbai!! lol, you know if these ppl werent stars and we saw em on the road somewhere, i bet we'd say 'oh, more paki's' lol...
anyway..this post isnt going anywhere coherent...so im off...make a stop at joes blog ;)
An innocent girl…a dream…a life destroyed by the realization of it. Nobody would have guessed the promises weren’t true. Amid her parent’s disapproval and their warning, amid the tears and the signs, she begged to follow her heart and spend her life with him…until that moment – when her bridal jewelry was ripped off after society had nodded approvingly and went back to their cosy abodes, with wedding chocolates the first thing on their minds. As they disappeared into the night…the nightmare began – full of the dreams he had allowed her to believe would come true. Not this. Not leaving her alone and locking her in a cold house with no food so that he could enjoy warm meals at his mother’s house…not taking her car keys away so she couldn’t reach her parents – not beating her up until she lost the baby.
The dreams, the 1.2 million rand mansion, the honeymoon on an exotic island, had become the black hole that filled her heart and tormented her mind like the antibacterial smell of the hospital she was in. so it all came down to this…the girl who had once taken a flight overseas all by herself with a spirit of adventure that was so resilient, it preceded her…and while she may not have seen my points of view at times, she did not deserve this. She did not deserve her husband’s uncles beating her up to the point of losing consciousness. She did not deserve the lies, she did not deserve being starved…and having her soul taken away like that. I remember the excitement on her eyes 6 months ago, planning the big day – which now reflect a panicked, frightened girl in the silent hours of the morning, needing constant attention and reassurance that he will not come to take her away.
What is this? I cant wrap my head around it. A muslim boy. Who she only loved and believed – and at 20years old, she ends up being damaged! And he gets away with breaking her heart, throwing away the person she was, scarring her for life. Its not fair!! I hate that I cant do anything about it. I cant stand injustice! How do these people live with themselves?! I mean, what the hell is wrong with our community! Right, we have money, we have Islamic radio stations and a more than good turnout at ‘islamic fairs,’ but come on, wher’s the truth? We don’t see the way muslim bosses exploit their workers, making drivers work on eid days and leaving their families at home. We don’t see the way some well known muslim radio presenters own kids are exact opposites of what they preach. And for one day, don’t wear a scarf and these same people cant even look at you straight coz suddenly you aren’t good enough? Whats the good of dressing all holy if you cant act like it? Don’t make me feel guilty for wearing one when I want to and sometimes not. Don’t be hypocrites when a muslim boy can make zina with a girl and eventually not have the guts to tell his parents he wants to marry her after promising her a future. Don’t act like you value women, when you look down on a single parent family and label them ‘dysfunctional’ because a male is missing! Even though the male was violent and she took it upon herself to get her child out of that situation and make a better life for them? Like the males of our wonderful community are so brilliant – they can have degrees and own a myriad of stores and write cheques for charity and pledge them on radio, but they can turn around and flirt with a thousand white women and yet exploit muslim sisters as employers. It makes me sick!! It gets me that they denounce flirting at Islamic fairs, but still have them because it generates business. And all people want is a united ummah, yet people bicker over such trivialities like paying their workers and giving them time to read Salaah.
And no, im not against everyone – there are the rare sane ones. I’ve met 2. but it rattles my cage that its all about appearance! Everything. Portrayal. If a someone’s fair, they’re automatically gorgeous and classed differently regardless of brain capacity! If a girl wears a scarf, she’s decent and totally pure and marriage material, but if she doesn’t, she’s damned for life. If someone’s rich, let’s mingle with them coz it’s a good prospect for a cushy future. And marriage. If he’s rich, he’s approved of. What’s the point? What’s the point when nobody listens and all you hear is an innocent girl’s heart breaking?
taking a bite out of a huge watermelon...your hands and feet might get numb from all the hard work, but the taste of success is sweet.
At least it made me forget about Saturday night. Gawd. What a night.nightmare. my cousin’s wedding – gold and sea blue set the scene for a stunning wedding with a dusty gold asymmetrical couch on the stage and white roses everywhere. Lol, enough money was spent on food since the mendhi night which included Portuguese prawns and more chocolate than I’ve ever seen in one place…so the paki singer sang kabhi kabhi to me. And I thought that moment would easily be the most embarrassing moment that weekend – but no, my family had to top that! So there I am at the wedding, in this avocado and silver sharara thingie with diamante thingies in my hair…sitting all innocently at the table, with all the cute oldies…and then…it happened.
People started winking at me and acting all weird. I thought maybe one of my pins which held my top to my skirt had popped out and I was obliviously flashing some forbidden flesh at people. After checking that nothing was wrong, I walk back into the hall – and there they were – the bride’s over eager granny and a ‘potential’ surrounded by grinning family. Ugh. So I was polite…and this clever lil lady made me give him my number in front of her…it was sooooo awkward!! I mean, im not opposed to arranged meetings, but this one was like a bad joke. And I don’t wana say mean things about him, but let’s just say, his name (which sounds like a bangladeshi drumbeat) was only the tip of the iceberg. And now he wont leave me alone. But I think he may have gotten the message when I refused to send him my pic or go for coffee or shopping or anything involving us being together… well, needless to say, there was a fair amount of eye candy at that wedding and I bet all of em knew I was being set up with him. I dint know whether to laugh or cry. So I just ate icecream at home in silence. And I got asked enough times when im getting married…and resorted eventually to saying ‘when you find me the right one.’ Why do ppl insist on asking? Too much pressure. Its hard enough finding normal people to hang with – and since when has marriage become the entire point of living? Ok, so I also dream about the perfect wedding day (and the blank spot where the groom is concerned) but im in no rush…and the rate of friends that are getting divorced has freaked me out enough. So I want to be sure and while I do get annoyed that everything should be simpler, I guess everything has a place and time…til then, it would be nice if people stopped pushing me.
thoi thoi!! ugh.sorry, i just had to ad the pic!! and now this ad will pop up at just the right moments, when you're having supper (which is why the tv shouldnt be on during dinner) or when your uncle arrives and mum is in the kitchen and you're sitting there in dead silence, praying you dont burst out laughing coz you can see that his wife missed a spot colouring his hair :)Wow. Wedding bells are ringing in my ears and I still have a few more to get through! Anyway, best friend from class one’s wedding happened recently, and finally, after 11 years of letters, sms’s and post office mix ups, I finally saw her!! Well, I kinda didn’t recognize her sitting on the stage – had to ask this totally gold-clad lady at the door if this was in fact the bride I was looking for…and ended up making a late entrance with a huge gift I which was threatening to fall off balance. Late. Im never late. But then again, mum and I haven’t attempted driving to Sherwood on our own :) really, since getting the car, I think it stressed us out more.lol. now we actually have to watch where we’re going and how. Anyway, so we missed the Sherwood off ramp (I blame it on bad lighting) and ended up on the way to stanger – where ironically best friend is from, and after we got hooted at for driving like snails and mum finally sped up by 10kms, we reached the hall 1 and a half hours later at 7pm. Needless to say, we received a lot of stares and had to be escourted riiiight to the front like late-comers at school. I was proud of mum for getting us there though! To my feigned surprise, class one teacher popped up and said ‘oooh! I cant wait to be invited to your wedding!!’ while her husband gave me a sloppy one on the cheek. Eish. And as for my poor feet, the injustice done to them by my torture devices called sandals, is something im still getting over. All in all, it was one wedding that wasn’t about flashing lights and photographers or dressed up Barbie dolls, there was something about it that was sweet and humble (apart from the gals at my table screaming about going to suncoast fot the after-party and the food which wasn’t that grand). And though it wasn’t my choice of colours or venue, it was just great to see someone who deserves to be happy finally realizing her wishes. But boy was it hard letting go of that gift! Lol, that I’ll admit – I mean, take a look:
Gorgeous! R300 bucks right there. Man, but it was worth hearing how much she loved it.
And this was the envelope I made which matched the card:
I miss my creativity…you know that feeling where there’s so many things to do but so little time…so you basically end up doing nothing because doing something will actually take up that time? hehe…first mosaics I ever made:
Lil bit undefined. I remember walking into Game and going to the hardware section on my cloak and scarf on a Friday afternoon and asking a perplexed male attendant for grout, a tile cutter and tile glue.lol! its lying around behind a cupboard now. Anyway, my mum isn’t well, so im a bietjie worried… mum’s a workaholic, all smiles lady with a flair for beautiful things, hence, she will not sit down even after her doctor (whose cheeks I want to pinch coz he looks like puff pastry) gave her the week off. So madam hurt her back and gets an injection right there, but then I see her climbing onto a stool to put something on top of the cupboard. Lol, now that’s when independence comes and bites you in the behind! Really, I cant leave her alone for a second before she starts spring cleaning or something else mother’s do. She’s adorable, don’t know what life would be without her. She’s the coolest person eva. Hey, that’s what Dew calls her – Eva. No, not longoria – a more decent kinda Italian looking.
Oh! Jo and I watched Bad Girls Go to Heaven (a play starring some Indian gals from campus) – let’s just say it was so bad, I forgot about the heaven part. Really. From the opening scene, which included every definition of the ‘f’ word…to explicit sexual detail…to unstructured speeches to the audience under spotlights by all four gals and finally, to the dancing…I was awestruck. And not in a good way. And cherry on the top- I sat next to jo’s dad for the first half. My word. Jo and I were shocked speechless, and my lights were on, but nobody was home coz I almost walked over to a red wine glass thinking, ‘wow, these ppl have grape juice here,’ but thankfully jo, my saviour pointed out the obvious :)
As for the writer, who was an Indian guy who had the ability to get a venue like the playhouse, with all those resources, it was sad that he used what so many people strive for, to display a sleazy play which made too many audience members blush and cross their legs in shame.
On the other hand, Saturday night heralded a good dose of food for thought at the Kwasuka theatre documentary festival, with the screening of the ‘Liberace of Baghdad,’ which followed 8months in the life of a pianist at a hotel in Baghdad. It was a 78 minute humourous, sad, realistic portrayal of a man’s life and quest to go to America to reunite with his wife and children, two of whom were living with him. His character was amazing – and the viewer immediately felt an attachment to this somewhat scruffy warm-hearted Librace whose patience and tolerance through such war was refreshing, as opposed to the arm’s length report we see on the news. His words were original, funny and sometimes strikingly poignant, and was one of the best attempts I’ve seen from an English journalist in a while. Wish it could be screened so that many others could revel in this wonderfully packaged reality check…living day to day – not knowing if you’ll be killed the next second, but living with hope and heart.
Well, I gotta run to class, ngizokhuluma isiZulu manje…eish, I don’t know why I chose to do zulu – the words don’t seem right when they come outa my mouth.
Tata you jelebi’s and burfi’s and chana magaj’s that take the time to read my jargon!
1.Have a bunny chow: lol im Indian, living in Durbs and I’ve never had one. I’ve always been one of those fussy eaters who cant let the salad touch the curry/ rice etc, but im willing to give it a shot :)
2.Go ice-skating: I’ve been looking at the ice rink for 4years now from my window and haven’t ventured inside yet. I almost went, but decided against it coz my drivers’ license test was the next day and I was not about to jeopardize it via a sore behind or a broken leg.
3.Learn to swim properly: we’ve never had a pool and the sea and I don’t get along very well – sort of like, you stay away from me and I’ll be fine. hehe. I did go swimming with my friend and her mom jaares ago, but nobody told me I couldn’t just jump in and I nearly drowned. So I stuck to waddling around and smiling in the shallow end. Now I think it’s a sin to live at the beach and not know how to swim. It just seems wrong somehow.
4.Resume my karate lessons: I was really good at karate and then I got injured and kinda let it slip away and never ended up going back. That feeling of flinging somebody around always gave me a rush – think that’s coz im small.
5.Wear high heels: im petite (avoid the word ‘short’) and always rushing around in flats. Mum says I need to walk like a lady – slowly and straight up. So I got myself a pair of heels- now I just have to learn to love them…don’t think it’s gonna be hard, they’re all black and pretty.
6.Write a short story: procrastinating with this one. Wrote my first one last year and there’s another one lurking beneath. Need to pull it to the surface.
7.Have a lollipop! i miss those beeg red sherbet ones. i was mad over them in school - til they decided to ban the lil suckers coz the guys in school got distracted by girls eating them.gawd. that was one weird situation.
8.Driving: now that we have the car and mum’s driving quite well, I need to get going too. I make a good navigator, but there’s something I don’t like about an automatic car. Im used to having total control in a manual. With this, I don’t have a middle ground between breaking and accelerating. I think one long trip to Gateway and back might sort that out.
9.Get motivated. In my mind, there’s a play, a book and a business with mum we should get off the ground. I’ve been on radio, tv and written a book, but I want to make a success out of writing which comes to life and makes people think. Mum’s very creative – she used to make sari’s and design dresses for friends, but being a pharmacist, I think she’s working too hard now. And creativity could be the best way to put our ideas together and make a business out of our passion. Speaking of which, I need to come up with good ideas for her birthday. She got me a white gold and tanzanite bracelet year before last. How do I top that?
10.Most importantly: become a better Muslim. I realized that I might seem alone, but im not. And instead of longing for something to make it all better here and now, I should focus on the Hereafter, coz eventually, all this other trivial stuff won’t matter. I read an article about a young hafiz who past away recently…in his diary under address, he had written ‘qabr,’ under car registration, he wrote ‘muslim,’ under driving license he wrote, ‘salaah’ under telephone number he wrote, ‘surah ikhlaas’ and under other information, he wrote ‘be prepared for the grave.’ Really gave me a wake up.
Every morning a new arrival
A joy,a depression,a meanness,
Some momentary awareness
Comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
...The dark thought,the shame,the malice,
Meet them at the door laughing,
And invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
Because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
--Rumi.
The stars have come out to play tonight
Glimpsing through prisms of rose-shaded dreams
Willing wishes to bloom
In a universe we call our own,
You and I have sketched eternity.
The remains of broken hearts that have
Chased the wind,
The old sequins that have lost their shimmer
Eternity has come and gone.
Roses wilt, new buds hold promise
Floating on the tide of time,
We tread on petals of ice.
The resilient material hunger,
Paralysing the soul with a stormy embrace.
Friendships falter in
The war of acceptance.
Swept up by dark waves to unforgiving shores.
Curtains fall, the lights fade,
The world buys your act
Playtime’s over.
Stars watch on, the clocks count the seconds lost.
And another rose wilts to soon in
The garden of faith.
its seems ive been tagged...so i guess i have to confess the shocking truth! i dont know how to say this...but im...the tooth fairy. and all you people havent been contributing and i may lose my job to the lack of clients and ever increasing inflation...
lol ok, too early to be here ;) here goes...5 things you dont know about me:
1. i hate dressing up - i hate losing much needed energy on dolling myself up to go to functions. but i must admit, when i eventually am dressed up, i tend to walk around like a flamingo, so i dont mind the end result, i just dont like the journey towards it.
2. im extremely irritable about people not conforming to my standards of punctuality. im one of those super organised gals (well recent events would oppose that) but i like being all early and prepared.
3. im a contradiction - i enjoy my privacy but long to be surrounded by my friends...i say i need space but all i want is a hug and im too proud to ask for one.
4. im insecure - i used to be very secure. i come across as an independent somewhat confident person, but recently my sensitivity has reached the heights of a dog's hearing capacity.lol. i think im still getting over being grilled in front of my class and being a loner this year.
5.im a domestic goddess :) put me in the kitchen and im in my element!
thats about it...well apart from some other things...and i make gift cards and sell em...one of my passions and mosaics.i love being surrounded by glitter and paper and that feeling of creating soemthing from scratch - some of my work:
lol, i try not to inhale the glue...but sometimes it just gets to me, hence the tooth fairy saga :)
Tired and somewhat annoyed, I plonked myself into the leathery discomfort of an overused bus seat near the window. The sun glaring at me – peeling away at my cheeks which by then had proudly resembled sun-dried tomatoes, the alcoves of my mind secretly wished someone wouldn’t fill the space next to me…invade my crowded thoughts which permeated that very place and seemed to need all the legroom and breathing space a sumo wrestler would consume.
Soon I realized my wish was not about to be granted when the sumo wrestler jumped back into my brain and the seat was taken…just my fate to get an unapologetic elbow in my chest or a malfunctioning olfactory gland due to my partners’ ignorance of deodorant, I anticipated my next move towards liberation in case of previous experiences of severe asphyxiation.
To my surprise, a friendly voice said hello and I looked up to see a blind girl sitting next to me who obviously sensed my squirming. She was friendly, confident and so at ease as the bus trudged along through a sleepy suburb into the bustling city…and we talked about studying, to the strange sea patterns, our families, to prospective marriage partners in islam…and then she asked, ‘are you white?’ followed by my silent surprise and the hilarious image in my mind, I said, ‘no, im indian’ and went on to describe myself to her after she commented that I sounded like I was in first year. All that time, I hadn’t realized that she had no idea what race, size, religion I was…and I had taken everything I saw and assumed about her for granted. But I think essentially what came through was her lack of prejudice. Usually, a conversation is quite rare with someone on the bus who you don’t know and who is a different race…and you sit there, embracing stereotypes and experiences that have informed your ethnocentricity instead of thinking beyond the walls and seeing the real person.
If we had no perception of colour, would we be as prejudiced? Would we be friends with the people we surround or would our horizons extend as far as they would allow us to?
In a country where our very own president draws a line in the cement, paradoxically while preaching ubuntu, will we ever cross the borders? Will we ever find similarities in people who aren’t of our own? Does the lack of sight have to become an eye-opener?
If anything, it was an inspiration. We all have scars and insecurities that aren’t always visible, but I dont know if I would be able to be as optimistic if I were her, let alone take the bus. Through different insights into different worlds, you stumble across strengths and jewels of faith that change your thought processes and redefine meanings in your own life.
oh well, im not in the best mood but dollop called and made me smile at like 7am ;)
hmm, bit unnerved by the huge waves and strong wind. u know im not the heaviest of people. hopefully my bag will weigh me down when i get near home...my neighbour is convinced ther'll be a tsunami -- rushed over on saturday insisting i read yaseen to save us from the calamity.i did, now im waiting for the waves.lol. im curious about this whole thing...
anyway, back to friday -- 2Go called!! and i hadnt spoken to her in aaages! and then i spoke to jo -- which can basically cheer anyone up.
i sound very rigid.im not liking the way the words are coming out today.
anyway, love you all. and miss my friends.really, dont feel like i have a place here anymore.cant wait to leave...
miss you guys...i'l post when im alive next wednesday, when my presentation is over, when i get my life back and when i finally get the time to brush my hair.
unsaid
unheard
unseen
a million shards of crystal.
remains of resonance.
recoiling
reforming
reflecting
in a joker's mirror
an invisible soul
undone...
sumi :) happy birthday for yesterday...lol i know i probably sounded high at that time of the morning, but i really was enjoying cleaning my cupboards.hehe..
anyway, wish i could've been there...counting the days til you get to durbz.
As fresh as yesterday’s murder,
Notes surge through frozen indigo veins
Bringing blue lips to life once again.
Why did you bring me here again?
‘to recompose the decomposed,’ my dear.
Barely brushing the autumn leaves,
I linger in memories swirling yellows and pinks…
Dancing along the trail of bloody warmth.
Echoing through an eerie midnight,
Shadows laugh…and silence my screams…
Darkened spirits await me in their
Leafy slumber
Gnawing at my wedding dress
You take my brittle hand and walk me down
The aisle of death you laid out for me
A thousand times before
Tonight’s murder is just the same --
A kiss in the August breeze
Until tomorrow, the axe strikes twice,
‘you have to get rid of those stains,’ my dear
I sink into the shallow grave
You dig up ever so often and
Smile beneath your precious feet.
Cuz: yeah! Like you
Q: oh cool! What do you wanna become?
Cuz (excitedly): A cashier!
And who could forget eid day…
Raeesa (10) to her father: Daddy, can we please stay at Q’s house?! Pleeeease???
Dad: No, don start your nonsense, I have to go out later!
Raeesa: looking like THAT?
Dad: What did you say?!
Raeesa: you need to colour your hair…
Feroza (8) smiling sweetly to everyone in the lounge: My daddy uses my mommy’s Glory mendhi in his hair ;)
And they left within 5minutes.
Mxit conversation:
Q: klim backwards spells milk.
N: no, milk backwards is milk.
Q: milk forward is chocolate!
N: no punk! Cow eats grass, therefore, milk is the result.
Q: yeah and then its made into choc.
N: what if its Turkish delight?
Q: then the cow’s from turkey.
N: but what if its sad, not delighted?
Q: then its an inside story.
N: what are the bits in the inside story?
Q: cow dung the cow ingested by mistake while grazing.
N: Ewwwww…
Q: well as long as you don’t eat aero – that’s unprocessed cow flatulence.
Mom to neighbour: gosh its hot.
Neighbour: don’t say that. The fire of Hell is hotter.
Neighbour’s husband: who says we’re going there?
Two days later..
Neighbour to me: eish, its so hot today hey?
Playing 30 seconds with cousins:
Arshad: um, um, its like a calculator in India!
Sumi: Calcutta!
Arshad: yeah!
Next one…
Arshad: it’s the make of the car we drive!
Sumi: Mazda!!
Arshad: erm…we own a Toyota Camry.
Cute paki guy in lift: hello.
Q (wearing scarf on this rare occasion) : hi.
Guy: you look Muslim.
Q: erm. I would hope so.
Guy: so what’s your name?
Q: Aisha.
Guy: I’m ashraf. I haven’t seen you before.
Q: I haven’t seen you either. Bye.
so i woke up this morning thnking i was one of the final four on Survivor. and there i was, chowing down raw fish and beating a cocunut into some yukky mush...until i pulled out my camera and took pictures of the fish Terry caught.then i knew it was a dream. and then i tried to change my dream.but i woke up instead.
and i had another dream which entailed a friend of mine telling me on mxit that he was getting engaged and i morphed into violent mode. left a gaping feeling in my tummy. so all this on the morning on the supposed day of luuurv. ugh. almost always, my dreams dictate the colour of my day. im one of those doomed people who travel the world at night and wake up feeling jet-lagged 9hours later. i've never denied living in my head, but this whole business of clocking up voyager miles in my sleep is getting exhausting and left me wide awake at 5am, when i only had to step out of the house at 9:30am. i've had crazier dreams...one featured a friend of mine getting locked up in the media department at the mercy of a cannibalistic rabbit,and who eventually escaped due to the 'power of his green car' (dont ask). and another friend of mine got eaten up by the escalator...but all in all, little bits of my day turn into weird distorted adventures, which often scare me, and there i am the next day with a hangover.
but i think what gets to me the most are the dreams i have of people who i havent seen in a while. i always end up dreaming that they die somehow and these poor souls are woken up by neurotic sms's from me at 6am finding out if they're still alive...(hence it is fard to see my friends regularly, but thanks to timetabling issues and practical impossibilities, im deprived of dews and jo's company, so expect an sms from me).
anyway, v day today - mum insisted i dress up coz i love myself.lol. but im more interested in not looking like a lame follower of an overated day...and because i dont wanna get mugged for looking too posh on the bus. yes, i take the bus - some ppl find that so unbelievable, but really, its contributed to my independence and i dont owe anyone and no, ppl dont pee on the bus.hmm, i'll probably dream about that tonight. i just get annoyed that ppl tend to look down on you if you take the bus. i mean, we have a car (my little hugbug) but weaving through town is dodgy.
animal in my tummy starting to wake up now...love you and leave you.hope evryone has an unexpectedly amazing day! oh and if you get a chance, read 'tell me your dreams' by sidney sheldon - its one intelligently orchestrated plot! feel free to share..
I need quiche. I cant stop thinking about it. QUICHE. The last time I indulged was at the royal hotel. and then they took it off the menu ;(
And Im driving the people around me crazy and half of em don’t know what quiche is. Really. I need to know where I can get good quiche. Im in this neurotic, anxious, apprehensive, edgy place ever since I got back. I don’t know why. Well, I do know why, i just wish these butterflies in my tummy would find someone else’s gastrointestinal regions to haunt. Its you. Its all about you and you don’t even know.
Sleep, why have you left me
Restless
In your wake –
Slow my beating heart…
Cast your gentle fingers
Over my eyes
suspended in flight –
suspended in life –
suspended in death
Bloggie! I’ve missed you! Oh yes – and all you gorgeous people that actually spent precious moments of your lives reading the jargon that my fingertips punch out erratically. Wow. What a holiday! so there’ve been some crazy, annoying (well, more than a few) moments, but the good certainly outweighed the bad… since the last time, you’d be shocked to know that technological osmosis boy and I had actually had civil conversations with each other – and he turned out to be quite a sweet guy who after the 5th time of being deleted, still persisted and now we’re friends :)
Anyway…my holiday…where do I begin…well, after my weeks of lazing around at home, mum and I flew to jhb. Believe it or not, I’ve been to Lesotho, Sun City, Cape Town and lived in America, but I had never stayed in jhb! Initially I hated it – the thin, dry air that threatened to give me nosebleeds, the endless traveling, the absence of the ocean and the colourlessness of this landlocked puzzle piece that fit somewhere between nowhere and forever…but I left with the longing to return and a wish that I had arrived earlier…like 10years earlier.
Pretoria, well more specifically, laudium embraced me with an unexpected charm. I wouldn’t say the place itself had a character that I fell in love with, but the people I spent those few stunning days with breathed life into it. Let me introduce you : first there’s my grandaunt – totally cool, classy, young at heart and with a sense of style that would put Extreme Makeover Home Edition out of work. She absolutely rocks! Then there’s my aunt – sweet, cute and patient and always smiling (think that runs in the sane side of my family) and then there are my cousins who are crazy and sweet and fun and I could kick myself for waiting this long to get to know them… between fordsburg, menlyn, the union buildings, wimpy, lenasia and god knows where else, I ended up making mendhi patterns for my cousin’s art class (dude, hope you got and A), eating greek salad and water at a paki restaurant coz the place looked dodgy, and staying up til the wee hours of the morning talking to sumi ;) and all in all, I loved it! And I laughed. A lot. My mum and my grandaunt are so cute…once we were driving to jhb and my aunt mentioned something about the blind spot and my grandaunt said ‘why don’t you wipe it?’ that was the most adorable thing! And it so happened, that morning, I was listening to Justin timberlake (sorry jo) and mum walked in and asked, ‘why are you listening to that African man trying to sing?’ :) must have been that Pretoria air.
Well, then there were some crazy moments. I mean, you cant erase the crazy part of your family no matter how hard you try (and believe me I’ve tried, but I’m a psycho-magnet. I just attract them. mum says its my ‘come to me, I can help you’ look). Anyway, so the psycho side of the family pitched up, imposing themselves and ordering us to go where they wanted to go. But I guess that happens in most huge families with control freaks just waiting for their next fix. Or are they manic depressive…I cant decide. Can u be both? Lemme know.
Apart from that, laudium was a blast. I even got to see the house we lived in after I was born. Right there in Jewel street. and the whole set up was very 7de Laan-ish, but something about it won me over and sumi and I now have this dream of one day living next door to each other :) and there was something about their house too…its was white and pretty and like three storeys high but I think in laudium, where house are houses, this one was a home and I truly felt comfy there..and my grandaunt’s minimalist interior design and en-suite bathroom made it all the more irresistible (including that fiberglass/ wire/ absolutely funky techno piece of art called a light-fitting my grandaunt picked out).
I loved it. have I said that already? I feel like im leaving things out. But I cant remember what. As u might have noticed, my use of the English language has begun to…begun to…what’s another word for dilapidate? Oh yes. deteriorate. Need to start writing essays again. And yet another semester begins- full of possibility…and I keep dreaming, thinking back to those four days…when I found my missing puzzle piece.
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