11:13 PM


An innocent girl…a dream…a life destroyed by the realization of it. Nobody would have guessed the promises weren’t true. Amid her parent’s disapproval and their warning, amid the tears and the signs, she begged to follow her heart and spend her life with him…until that moment – when her bridal jewelry was ripped off after society had nodded approvingly and went back to their cosy abodes, with wedding chocolates the first thing on their minds. As they disappeared into the night…the nightmare began – full of the dreams he had allowed her to believe would come true. Not this. Not leaving her alone and locking her in a cold house with no food so that he could enjoy warm meals at his mother’s house…not taking her car keys away so she couldn’t reach her parents – not beating her up until she lost the baby.
The dreams, the 1.2 million rand mansion, the honeymoon on an exotic island, had become the black hole that filled her heart and tormented her mind like the antibacterial smell of the hospital she was in. so it all came down to this…the girl who had once taken a flight overseas all by herself with a spirit of adventure that was so resilient, it preceded her…and while she may not have seen my points of view at times, she did not deserve this. She did not deserve her husband’s uncles beating her up to the point of losing consciousness. She did not deserve the lies, she did not deserve being starved…and having her soul taken away like that. I remember the excitement on her eyes 6 months ago, planning the big day – which now reflect a panicked, frightened girl in the silent hours of the morning, needing constant attention and reassurance that he will not come to take her away.
What is this? I cant wrap my head around it. A muslim boy. Who she only loved and believed – and at 20years old, she ends up being damaged! And he gets away with breaking her heart, throwing away the person she was, scarring her for life. Its not fair!! I hate that I cant do anything about it. I cant stand injustice! How do these people live with themselves?! I mean, what the hell is wrong with our community! Right, we have money, we have Islamic radio stations and a more than good turnout at ‘islamic fairs,’ but come on, wher’s the truth? We don’t see the way muslim bosses exploit their workers, making drivers work on eid days and leaving their families at home. We don’t see the way some well known muslim radio presenters own kids are exact opposites of what they preach. And for one day, don’t wear a scarf and these same people cant even look at you straight coz suddenly you aren’t good enough? Whats the good of dressing all holy if you cant act like it? Don’t make me feel guilty for wearing one when I want to and sometimes not. Don’t be hypocrites when a muslim boy can make zina with a girl and eventually not have the guts to tell his parents he wants to marry her after promising her a future. Don’t act like you value women, when you look down on a single parent family and label them ‘dysfunctional’ because a male is missing! Even though the male was violent and she took it upon herself to get her child out of that situation and make a better life for them? Like the males of our wonderful community are so brilliant – they can have degrees and own a myriad of stores and write cheques for charity and pledge them on radio, but they can turn around and flirt with a thousand white women and yet exploit muslim sisters as employers. It makes me sick!! It gets me that they denounce flirting at Islamic fairs, but still have them because it generates business. And all people want is a united ummah, yet people bicker over such trivialities like paying their workers and giving them time to read Salaah.
And no, im not against everyone – there are the rare sane ones. I’ve met 2. but it rattles my cage that its all about appearance! Everything. Portrayal. If a someone’s fair, they’re automatically gorgeous and classed differently regardless of brain capacity! If a girl wears a scarf, she’s decent and totally pure and marriage material, but if she doesn’t, she’s damned for life. If someone’s rich, let’s mingle with them coz it’s a good prospect for a cushy future. And marriage. If he’s rich, he’s approved of. What’s the point? What’s the point when nobody listens and all you hear is an innocent girl’s heart breaking?


Zahira said...

Muslim 'Indians' have a huge problem with the way they see and view life...
You know me and you know i do as i please but trust me i'm seen in the evilest vilest way...but i don't care anymore becuase my issues are between me and my Lord and anyone who judges me will be judged by his God!!!
We the younger generation needs ti change the mentality of the way people view things, yet we must have a balance and not condone wat is wrong as set out in the Hadith and Quran.

mwah love you qd and i hope that things change for the good for the person you have mentioned...mwah

Anonymous said...

Indeed Qdee, what you are saying is something we all know, but always try to ignore, forget or overlook. Many do not have the guts to firstly: say it, and then secondly: to DO something about it.

It will indeed be diffycult to change the mindsets of the older generation, but we got given our own minds so WE will be the difference.

Many do put despicable culture, views and habits before the deen of Islam.

If previous generations did not go against what they were taught and told, we would still be burrying babies and praying to animals.

The only way that will ever change, is if WE go directly against it, as our deen demands of us.

It is very good to see you speaking out against it.

May Allah ta'ala make us steadfast, firm and unmovable in carrying the flag of Islam - and doing things in the way that pleases HIM, and not our peers, community or even families, ameen.

Mukhtar Ahmad Khan said...


It is sad indeed. I fail to understand it.. and fail to understand many things in society these days. I find myself asking the very same questions you ask daily..

Islam isn't a ritualistic relion were you perform gymnastics 5 times a day, it's comprehensive way of life..

InshALLAH that girl and the many people throughout the world who are suffering find peace.. and those who have transgressed, be rightfully guided..

(I came across a posting on death on Taqdeer's blog.. it's worth reading..)

Take care


qdee said...

good points...
zahira: i admire you for not letting it get to you although im surprised ppl see you in that way - you've always been smiley and sweet ;) so they're all see what they want to see, to have something to bring you down. love you 2!

taqdeer: very true.. i tried writing articles for an islamic paper, but it takes alot more than that to change mindsets, as in, a physical show of the way you feel. or something. i dont know, but ths is just not enough...and bigger and bigger things are being swept under the carpet.

mukhtar: these 'rituals' are losing their magnitude through such ppl due to such displays of arrogance and cultuarl aparthied or judgement. really sickening coz other religions are not blind to it and the cracks are beginning to show.

thanks for reading :) good to know there are more sane ppl in the world.

!Joe! said...

:( i know exactly what you mean...why can't we all just stop judging other people and try to understand things from their point of view...people are just too quick to write others off based on how they look or seem to live on the outside. I was shocked when you told me this story; i didn't know people could behave in this way, could actually go about their daily lives after hurting people in such a shameful way...i hope that she gets better soon, and that she regains a sense of who she was before this...mwah, love you...

Major_chip_hazard said...

Why are people so faulty?I've been though such an exercise of being judged almost all my life just because the indian community coudnt accept me and my family as we were!Ya well its so depressing and so sad the way people think.Qdee I know how you feel when you say you wished that there was something you could do.Ihad to break up a 3 year relationship because the girls father said I wasnt indian enough tobe part of the family.WTF,how can you be so faulty?hmmmmm me better calm down before I break the pc...

M Junaid said...

MJ read this piece slowly. almost as if he wanted to hear every harsh vowel to resonate within him. there is so much truth in this piece , i can only hope that i will not embody any off those evil traits - but with friends like you at my stead - i'm sure i'l turn out just fine


p.s - pyari pyari lamhe

hitman jones said...

i read this post 3 times and have a lump in my throat thinking about what the poor girl went through. i feel very strongly against men who beat women. insha allah, may allah grant her peace. ameen

Anonymous said...

All of this really hits home.
I don't know what to comment.
People judge too harshly and put themselves on a pedestal.

I hate how abuse seems to be hidden under the carpet.

I applaud people that go against the societal norms and do what is best for themselves and their deen.
Way to go! (And I hope that whoever you speak of gets the help she needs, inshAllah ameen)

Moe said...

U right on so many things. i get really po about this crap. wtf indian muslim men must be the most lazy, corrupt, ignorant, judgemental, immoral bunch of people on this planet. how many people crook tax books, bribe, lie, cheat. i'm sick of it. a beard and kurta mean nothing if u have no manners, morals dont only count for islamic things, being good is not related to jamaat work... i'm so angry. i dont want to say more except u should get Ure friend out.

Anonymous said...

Qdee, are you in contact with this girl?

qdee said...

really loved reading these comments...

joe: yeah hun, really gives us something to think about and rushing into marriage is just not going to work.

major: hey, im sorry. not indian enough? wat nonsense! wat defines indian? anyway, if he could judge you like that, i guess he wasnt muslim enough.

mj : pyari pyari lamhe :D no hun, you break the mould. glad that ur not like everyone else.

hitman: aameen.

fatima and Moe: yeah it makes me mad! beneath all this, people are doing exactly those things! kurtahs and beards arent always a tru reflection.

Taqdeer: yes, i do speak to her, but since what's happened, she isnt talking much to anyone

SingleGuy said...

Q my dear, this is the saddest story I've heard this week, and I've heard some sad ones.

Why is that girls fall for these guys who cannot treat them right? Why is it that they shun the "good" guys?

Saddens me.

I'm going to have to tell a funny story now just to get over it!

SingleGuy said...

I don't mean the funny story going to make it all better. Just that I needed something to lift my spirits now.

Sorry. That sounded insensitive when I read it back to myself.

qdee said...

lol singleguy..that last comment was cute :)
but i know the feeling. like after you watch something about 9/11, you just have to watch a hindi song to make it all better.hehe

Ruby :) said...

my word, that was a horrible story, i have tears in my eyes.. its sad to think that we live amongst such awful excuses for a human being,.. May Allah make it easy for the girl, and may she recover from this awful experience. A freind of mine just told me this morning about this guy that she saw over the wknd, he is married, but his wife is away visiting family and he was seen at a mall with another woman.. sad... that men can be so deceptive..

mazozo said...

Sigh reminds me of a song: they press there lips against u with the lies they told to you an they least they ever gave you was the most you ever had.An you wonder where these dreams go when your lyin in your bed and whats the point of all this screaming no one's listening anyway sigh allah save us.Wat makes me most angry is that ppl like this give us all a bad name an then i'm defined as such gives us 'good' boys hard time :(

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