10:47 PM

suspended


so mukhtar finally figured out who i am. yay for clicking ;) so just when he realises my identity, i seem to lose mine?

yeah, funny how that happened - well, not funny. considering i hurt someone in the process whose trying to help...in the process of falling and hitting the ground and finding something i never should have found...in remembering a smile that existed in a moment. a smile that confirmed, acknowledged, reformed my existence into a colourful life. limbo...suspended in this grey screened repose, i cannot leave it behind. i cannot go forward even though i know what i know. i hear what people want me to hear - too afraid to reveal the truth, they dance around me like a constant screensaver that bounces off the walls...walls that shield me from you. and i did not mean to be this way, to push you away, to recoil into my own world of make-believe, of cartoon characters which fill my mind with the absence of you...and the immenent truth i will have to accept. driving away, looking back through the window, the resentment you and i cannot explain.have i done the right thing? i have. my head knows that. but my heart...what's in a heart anyway? nothing. for the good of the people.for the good of a promise...for 30 seconds of hope...what would i not give for 30 seconds of you. 30 seconds of a smile. the day i lost control. april. i hate april. and august. replaying the words like some possessed recorder. and im in this place where bitterness lines the corridors when it rains...and i turn around - and there you are, with a naughty grin and a familiar light in your gorgeous eyes...telling me that this was all a bad dream.

3 comments:

taqdeer said...

"If I keep a green bough in my heart, then the singing bird will come." ~Chinese Proverb

nice writing :)

M Junaid said...

MJ logs onto your blog twice a day to see the watermelon picture, because it makes him smile.

MJ guesses that he can just save the picture as his background, but MJ likes visiting his dear QDee's blog.

MJ wonders what happened to the 'psycho'-phants that used to haunt this blog like a weltering, musty fart.

Think happy thoughts - BBQ pizza and shitty movies :)

qdee said...

ooh, deep taqdeer.tanx.

mj: hehe, wont forget that :) oh yes, watermelon pic. im afraid to post again in case it goes away..

psycho phants still haunt the blog, they just dont certify their existence anymore.miss u


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