and you're wondering -- what happened??!

well, cant say i've outgrown my laddoo look -- my dupatta scarf still transports me to those days of roundness where the world was 'out there' and i was in here with my mommy, and her scarf (which is still around somewhere).

i was quite thrilled to find my barbie doll box the other day and to know that hollywood hair barbie still had both her shoes on and a full head of blonde hair that had taken on a weird curly nature and an orange tinge at the bottom...but she was still smiling :) and that little strawberry shaped bubble fun thingy i used to carry around with me-- because it was pink, and it matched every item of clothing i had...

and now its been replaced by mxit and memories of dawson's creek that got me through high school thinking my life was being played out on screen.

here and now, reality has opened up doors in front of me and all i want to do is crawl back into my little cocoon and resent the wings i always wished i had. yes, its a cruel world and in order to survive, you have to be cruel too -- not that i have a problem being mean, i just dont like this unprotected feeling of not having bubble fun or barbie dolls to escape to in my little purple and pink takkies with the flashing lights. (they had personality ok!)

so i was told that disillusionment is part of accepting the reality of life...but i wish this disillusionment came with some kind of cushioning or warning instead of this huge brick that falls from the sky and bashes you on the head. well nobody ever said that life was fair.

nobody ever said that pacey's hair was cool or that portrayal was a reflection of reality. but we just assume these things -- and expect them to turn out our way.

oh well, i guess katie holmes has a different take on that. what gives people the right to judge? to say things without taking the time to wonder if they are totally believing just what they see?