5:57 AM

what happens when blogger cant post a pic and you have an hour to think

For some reason this bloggie isn’t allowing me to post a pic. While the subtle avoidance of posting anything readable has become a comforting way of flying under the radar due to a) having much more important real life interaction to worry about words on a screen and b) not having the energy to broadcast incidences in my life to people, i must admit that i miss the writing. And yes, i could have written something on a lil blank page and folded it up and put it away, but i couldn’t find a page. My bag is all the way over there...
Somebody important said to me yesterday, that he doesn’t see why everybody has to have and opinion every time. Recently my mind has resembled a sieve..but those words stuck in my head. And he’s right. Sometimes people just say things to have a word in, but it really doesn’t mean anything. Sometimes no matter how you feel or what you think, people are going to do or say whatever they want to. People will be selfish, whore around or just basically be there for you when they have something to gain – except those who really mean something. And those are few and far between anyway. So yes, silence is golden and words will find whoever is worthy of them.

And i”m not saying go on and ignore people, but if you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say it at all. Though we’ve all been guilty of talking crap about others, nothing matters in the end. Opinions don’t matter – its the actions that do. And if you can justify yours and I can justify mine, we’re not living our lives for each other, so let people be. It’s different when opinions from valued people are asked for...but five years down the line, some things just won’t hold any weight.
It’s really quite something to see whose there for you when something bad happens – like recently. And I know that overall, it turned out well, but I still have this residual anger that comes from thinking where the hell some people were when I needed them and why my friends came through more than my some of my family cared to. I get that friends are the family we choose in life...but when it comes down to it, if they weren’t there, I really wouldn’t have known better. If it weren’t for you...who stayed up with me when I was too sad to sleep and you who made me laugh when I didn’t think I could. And you who to me, are my family.

So now its being asked why my independence has pushed me to isolate myself or take on things on my own and not ask for help or opinions on the way things should be. Well I don’t feel like I need to, because I’ve gotten this far without conforming. And I will do what I think I need to, to make myself feel ok again. I don’t need you to tell me it will be ok – you haven’t all along... and when you tell me the way things should be done, you can guarantee ill have my earphones on. But at the end of the day, I will smile, be respectful and include you in my moments of joy..because may someday I could find a way to forgive you.


M Junaid said...

am I family?

qdee said...

Yeah.which is why im never returning your icecream container :)

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